I have a huge conflict

[seismic wonder2]

You are legaly bound to keep quiet.

It'll be more fun to make her suffer by dropping little hints here and there.
Have a card game after dinner, let her win a hand then her you think she's cheating, "I cheated on my diet last night", "What do you think about people who cheat on their....*cough*...Taxes?"

On the other hand if she comes to you first... I'd still leave it as "Do not ever, EVER, drop my name to another Officer...EVER!"
and don't mention anything else, drop the subject and walk away, refuse to talk about it anymore. It's HER problem NOT yours.

 

[Wifezilla]

I'd rather lose a "friend" and have a clear conscience.

Exactly.

I would not be friends with a cheater. If one of my husband's buddies cheated on his wife, he wouldn't be my husband's friend anymore. We're funny like that.

 

[ksacres]

It sounds more like she mentioned your name to see if you would know what happened, not to get out of trouble. Cheating on a spouse may be immoral, but you don't go to jail for that. That's not exactly "name dropping" that's more like "please God, don't let my best friend's husband find out" dropping.

In your position, you cannot say anything to anyone. Including your spouse. You took an oath, keeping that oath is more important to your integrity (and your job security) than unloading a secret. It will come out eventually. The woman (cheater) will eventually either end the affair or come clean about it. It's not your business, it's not your wife's business, it's theirs, to sort out as they will.

 

[Lunachick]

What did you decide to do Ridge? I feel for you, it stinks that you got dumped on.

 

[conny63malies]

Its a matter of public health as goofy as it sounds. I mean cheaters usually cheat with more than more person sooner or later. One of the sides picks something up and bam. STD . I could not accept it if a friend of mine gets one from a cheating spouse. Even if it is "only" HPV . It still can cause cancer.

 

[FarmerChick]

Keep quiet.
It is not your place finding this info out at work to pass it to anyone. Your job is more important than cheaters.

Go to dinner if you have too and act like nothing happened.

It is for coupled married to handle their own marital affairs.

How do you even know that the husband doesn't already know? The wife might think he doesn't....but everyone handles their marriage different....he might know!!! and he is keeping it quiet.

You could open alot of bad stuff here.....forget it and move forward and don't let it affect you anymore!! Never let junk like this affect your life--what they do is their business...simple as that.

 

[skirbo]

I have to agree that your job and your personal integrity is worth more than your friend's marriage. For all you know they might even have an open marriage. You also should not share with your spouse because even if you swear her to secrecy she might not be able to resist saying something. Don't put her in that spot, making her choose between you and her best friend.

I personally wouldn't want to go to dinner, either.

However, if you have to go to dinner with them, I would share the funny story of a heavily patrolled but seemingly isolated area that people are starting to use as a make out location. You can joke that officers are tired of catching people in flagrante delicto. Then drop the topic.

Or you can mention that someone you know very casually dropped your name to try and get out of a traffic ticket which irritated both you and the officer.

Nothing more need be said. She will know that you know and your hands will be clean. The ball will be in her court.

Good luck,
Sarah

 

[WriterofWords]

I didn't read everything, but if it's on the job in LE you can't repeat it. Period.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
ooh, trust me..there are ways..MANY ways to let the friend know about it.....think about it....it happens ALL the time...true or not?..very true!...police do have ways to get around this problem....they do it all the time....i still say...the husband deserves to know..just as i would want to know....just be smart about how you get the info out...AND dont tell us on here if you did or not....because THAT can put your job at risk....good luck!

 

[Wifezilla]

We have 2 separate issues here. Professional and moral. Morally, I would not keep a secret like this from my spouse. EVER! The wife deserves to know what she is dealing with. If she is giving moral and emotional support to a person who is betraying her vows and destroying her family, don't you think she would want to make an informed decision about the type of person when spends her time and energy on?

As for the professional angle, police reports are PUBLIC. Medical records ARE NOT. A reporter can go in and get copies of the police blotter. A reporter CAN NOT go in to a hospital and ask to see someone's treatment records. You can't compare the two.