I have had it "to here" with my step daughter & don't know what to do.

[Boyd]

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I agree, and redhen's 100% correct. I've had CPS called on me, I've had former kids tell the school we have no food in the house, that I drink all day long, they are forced to do hard work etc..

Fortunately, by the time I get these kids many of the already have a reputation for their inventiveness in creative fiction.

No food in the house..... Like Mrs. Glassman, I have 2 fridges and 2 freezers..... false - first team gone

Drank All Day Long - Fine, give me a blood test, that's more accurate and if in fact I had been drinking all day previous or the day they showed up ....... well they declined, laughed it off - False - 2nd team gone.

Forced to do hard work? I have a large garden. The hardest thing they do are helping with the weeding, picking, and the boys here generally help with the mowing and weed wacking around the property. I run the splitter, chainsaws etc. Did they mean chores? I took them inside to see how the chore chart was split up - false third team gone.............

I'm sure there's more but that's what I've had in the last year. It gets to the point where most of them know me and end up telling the kids they are lucky to be in a foster home and not a residential home -

I grew up in a foster home and wasn't the best of kids. I was a violent kid growing up, mad and angry at the world. I was sent to boot camp when I was 15-16. Would this be a good reality check for her?

 

[bufforp89]

Wow I read the first post and though Is someone spying on my family? Lol.
Seriously though I have a step-sister that grew up the same way. Her mom manipulated her and confused her her whole life. When she was 14 she ran away with her mom to Florida for a summer (her mom had no custody) and was then left there. Had to ride a bus back. She has told the cops, when her dad has come to get her from various dangerous situations, that he had a gun he was waving around at her.

Her mom is the same way as the mom mentioned too. She is a known crack head and a suspected prostitute (has been picked up by cops for it) and always has a sugar daddy. She moved in with her daughter a few months ago, went behind her daughters back got them on welfare took the money that was given and dissapeared and no one has heard from her since.

My step-sister has deffinently made a bad life for herself. She lives in a crappy trailer and has two kids already. Different guys in and out of the house all the time. She has no education (had to drop out got preggers in high school) and a convenience store job. And she is only 20. She is deffinently not happy but its her fault. She had all the help she needed when she was a kid and older teenager, she just had to take it.

Hopefully your step daughter dosnt turn out the same way.

 

[Beekissed]

You can't fix this child. You can provide a soft place to land and try to help if she wants you to, but you cannot fix this child. I know your husband wants to protect her and help her but some things are just out of our control.

We never have control...we just think we do! I say let God take care of this situation and pray for some peace in your family. Let God take care of her, as He is the only one who can.

I had to come to that realization with my own kids....you just cannot live their lives and keep them from making huge mistakes. It's impossible when they are no longer under your roof. Let it go, take a deep breath, and let God handle the big stuff!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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And that has nothing to do with whether they are your biological kids or your stepkids. It is part of their immaturity, and is a very common issue with kids.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Mrs. Glassman :

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Ok...I can see that, only he didn't have them when we married...they were a weekend visitor when I came into the picture & when we were finally married. I am not going to stand in front of my husband and block his need to protect his children

He was a parent, therefore he had the kids--doesn't matter where they lived or who had custody. They were a previous committment that takes precedence.​

 

[horsejody]

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Ditto.

That woman may have given birth to her, but she is not a mother to her. Allowing her to continue to influence that kid is a mistake. Sever her from the girl's life. She may be angry now, but it will be the greatest gift you can give that kid. It's her only hope.

 

[horsejody]

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Yup. I was never my kids' friend. I was their benevolent leader, their role model, their rulemaker, their cheer leader and the one they had to answer to when they screwed up.

 

[Boyd]

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Yup. I was never my kids' friend. I was their benevolent leader, their role model, their rulemaker, their cheer leader and the one they had to answer to when they screwed up.

Jody, that sounds like what I would tell my kids

When things get dicey I remind them that this household isn't a democracy and when I put my foot down that that's it. I can be fun, I love doing stuff with them, but if they screw up they get to deal with me..... which isn't usually fun. Since they are foster kids I sometimes have to be creative in how they learn their lessons though.

Mrs. Glassman, what does your hubby think of all of this? He is your support, your shoulder to lean on. I know the kids were there first, but what you think, what you feel should play a MONUMENTAL role in how he deals with this situation.

 

[horsejody]

I think that maybe the reason the OP is hurting so bad is because she is looking at this situation as being hurt and stabbed in the back by a friend rather than a situation with a bratty kid making huge mistakes. With the former there is nothing but hurt feelings. With the latter there is the need to remedy.

 

[Hen_House_Rocks!]

mom'sfolly :

First and foremost take a deep breathe. This is a child in your care; if you hate this child she is better off without you. But the first thing you and your husband need to do is cut off all contact with her mother. She has given up her rights to this child and has used this child in the commission of a crime. She needs to never see her daughter again. Yes, this makes you the bad guy, but it is what is needed. All your issues with this child come from her mother, take her out of the picture and you have a young girl who needs her father and you. If you do this, I think most of the issues can be resolved.

Remember she is a child, she loves her mother, and she doesn't have the age or experience to make adult choices and see through the manipulation that her mother is doing. This is why we raise and protect our children until they do have the experience to make good choices.

Hang in there. Try to find some family counseling that all of you can go to. Harboring resentment for this child, and having her cause problems in your marriage isn't good for anyone.

Good Luck

I couldn't have put it better myself. These were my exact thoughts as I read this. Stay strong. This too shall pass.​