I just need this off my chest


12 Years
May 11, 2009
Kentucky, Cecilia
I am sitting here all stressed out, the kids are asleep, I want to sleep and my mind is spinning. I have come to the conclusion that I need to cut out members of my family from my life. Painful decision but I just can't stay sane with all the drama and toxicity. My nephew, who is almost never over here, has come the last 2 weekends to work with my dad. We live on my parents farm while our house in town sits on the market. Its a situation that works for myself and my parents but almost no one else in the family. There is massive amounts of bad blood stemming from me being born is what it comes down to. Anywho my nephew is over the last 2 days. My dad got a new tractor and he is bush hogging with it. Its a new toy and as soon as my dad gave in and got a new tractor he was over here. Thats fine with me. No issues. I know he has this love affair going with tractors. My husband and I had some work to do on the house in town. Also doing some rearranging and cleaning up in prep for some major work to be done on my parents house involving the heating. I was also in the middle of selling some of my ducks and chickens this weekend, getting a cut scout project ready for the boys, and the various things that go along with having 4 kids. We need to leave for a bit and my oldest 2 wan t to stay with the grandparents. My son was helping his Opa on a building and my daughter just wanted to stay there. No biggie they are old enough they take care of themselves and my parents are fine with it. Today we need to leave to get a uniform shirt for my daughter. We get everyone ready. My youngest son freaks out because he does not want to leave his Oma. He wants a drink and to sit and watch tv with them. My mom is cool with it so off we go, we get our chore done and come right back. My nephew goes outside to do something or the other. His son follows him out the door but I guess did not catch up with daddy and was waiting at the front door. My moms geese, which are horrid and a new extended and more secure fence is under construction. They walked out of their field, across the horse field, around the fenced in dog yard and along the woodline to of course go right to the front of the house and scared his son. I can understand being upset. He said they were biting him but I doubt it because there were no marks on him but he was scared. My idiot nephew, who has a felony and cannot touch a gun, wants me to go get ours so he can shoot the birds. I ignore him and ask to see his sons legs to make sure he is ok. Instead he gets up in my face, tells me he will kill them all, yelling do you know that, do you, do you, do you. Then procedes to tell me if my husband got off his rump and finished the fencing it would never have happened. We do nothing but work anymore. Around my parents house. At the house in town. Homeschooling the kids, babysitting his son for free for up to 12 hours one day each week because his moms school hours and the cheaper day car do not mesh, Leading scout troops, farm work, farm work and more farm work but because the newer fencing was not yet done and he walked off and left a 2 year old alone outside it is my problem. Anyway tell me I am a horrible mother, i never take care of my kids, my mother has to take care of them, we do no work, blah blah blah. keeping in mind I was at that time feeding my youngest and getting plates ready for all my kids and my husband was upstairs fixing my nephew's MIL's computer free of charge. But we were not working on anything he felt we should all weekend. He was furious that I let my 3 year old stay with his Oma when he cried for her and did not want to leave. Furious. Seriously what is the big deal. I don't take advantage of it, they love getting the time with him. My family already has a competition set up though between my kids and their kids. Like who is better, who has more, who is more loved. Already there is so much fighting over inheritance. I asked my parents to disinherit me so they would just shut up about it. So tired.

Anyway with him in my face and then attacking me and the kids it turns into a yelling match of course. I tell him where to go and how to get there and btw since you feel I am such an unfit parent you can find another free sitter( not that any of the others made an effort to give his some preschool while they were watching but I did). I am angry and I am tired. I am tired of my siblings and the fights over inheritances that are not even an issue yet. I am tired of everything that could go wrong in the family being my fault even if I am not involved. I am tired of having to claim relations to people who cannot stand me or my kids. I don't want to hurt my parents or desert them but sometimes I just want to blow everything off and run away. In honesty I have no family on my side other than my parents. I have my parents and my husband and my kids. His family is good but they live a thousand miles away. A bit far for any type of emotional support really.

I just don't have time for this. I am studying already for tax season which is always lovely. I homeschool the kids and adding preschool for my littles is adding a huge workload. I also took on leadership duties with my sons den and signed up to lead for my daughers unit. On top of my farm and house chores and the extra from the house in town. Babysitting his son for almost the entire day once a week was a bit of a strain but I did it because I care for his son. His acknowledgement of that was to throw money at me for all the lack of real watching I do for his son. I start work on taxes far too soon. On top of just life, seriously life is hard enough but on top of life am I really supposed to sort through this junk. Its just not worth it anymore. I have no connection to any of them. I feel no family ties really anymore. At every turn they do their best to let me know they don't want that connection. I only get called when someone wants a favor life free tax prep or free babysitting. I am just so done with it all. My parents are upset of course and I cannot fix it for them. i have tried. The fix at this point is for me to take the kids and go away and break all contact with my parents. Its what has been suggested by my siblings and its the only thing on the table to fix their feelings toward me and the kids. Cease to exist and we will be happy. Well geez, thats just real workable.

Sorry guys I know its a messy rant. Just too tired, hurt, and confused to make any of it make sense. Thanks for letting me spill.
Hon, I'm sorry!

Is there any way you can just avoid doing freebies for the siblings, and still see your parents? Just maintain a cool, professional air towards the sibs, as though they were distant strangers who don't bother you one way or another...

If they ask you for any more freebies, just smile and say, "I'm afraid that isn't possible", and repeat until they go away. That ought to free up some of your time, and it sounds like they couldn't get nastier anyway
Yes, it's good to get it all out!! Sounds like you're overwhelmed and overworked and not getting any support outside your immediate family. You won't disown your parents so you'll have to find a way to tolerate the rest of the bunch. I think keeping contact with them on a "as needed" basis is best. I wouldn't babysit for anyone with everything you have going on. Your kids need to come first and need all your time and attention. Kill them with kindness and set a good example for your kids.
I would first ask yourself and your parents if "they" wish to have you out of their life. I am sure they do not, and so what about those siblings and other family members. Do not allow them to win this battle. You are stronger than that!
I would ASK my parents what they really think about you living there??
If they dont mind and WANT you there, then i would not care what that IDIOT that left his young son unattended thinks...
I truly would not care.... its his problem to deal with.
And yeah... NO way would i babysit his kid after he told you what he REALLY thinks about you and your "lazy" husband....
If it is working for you and your parents, then to heck with the other idiots. None of their business. Ignore them, stop watching their kid, if you can, and just do for your family and your mum and dad. I would have done a bit more than yell back--you don't get in my face and scream at me. I have too many frying pans and a terrible temper.

Pray for strength and patience!! Maybe avoid the frying pans to be more Christian-like. Hehe
If my parents had their way we would live with them forever. Thats not the plan though. The plan is to sell our house and to get one or build one near by. The issue at heart is because we live here now most everyone is afraid that they will get nothing out of the house come inheritance time. I am executor so that only seems to confirm this to them. They are really way far off but its not my place to say anything and they would call me a greedy backstabbing liar anyway. I have been dealing with the jealousy thing since before I was 6. I was the little ( bad word). 30 years later nothing has changed except it just keeps getting worse.

I told my mom we were not coming to the family thanksgiving. I have only missed 2 my entire life. I guess its time to bump that number up. I'll have dinner with my parents and my little family after everyone has gone home. I think we are going hiking that day. So stupid I swear. I just cannot stand being around them and every holiday being ruined and stressful.

Today my nephew is ok again. He will be right back to telling me what I can do for him or he thinks he will be. My mom thinks its all just blown over and if I don't let it bother me then nothing needs to change. Ummm thats just not going to work. I don't want their relationships to change but mine have to. For my kids, my marriage and my sanity. Its pretty stinky that being born ruined a family.
I have day dreamed up the perfect senerio for my very similar family problems.
I dreamed that I was the family member that got married and moved to a differant state, I rarely get to even talk to family on the phone for more than a few minutes a week, I only get to come home for one holiday a year and when I do I am the "Out of town family hero" that they all try to impress.
In reality I think they would not even notice I was missing, unless they needed someone to blame and I wasn't handy.
I truly feel for you and wish somehow we both could come up with a plan to block them out.
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Why would you "being born" ruin a family?? (going back a couple posts..)
Why do you seem to have some kind of "guilt" about living with your parents??
Its NOONES business, but you and your parents..period!
Bottom line..they are YOUR parents...

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