I just need this off my chest

[The Yakima Kid]

Ask your parents; go to the Thanksgiving dinner; if anyone says anything to you, suggest that they take it up with you when your parents are present. Don't do anymore babysitting, and tell your parents why you feel you shouldn't.

 

[sourland]

No reason to sever your relationship with your parents, but the 'toxic' relatives should be written out of your life. I tolerated an evil sister my entire life for the sake of my mother. The day that we buried Mom this sister through her actions wrote herself out of my life. I feel no sense of loss - the removal of a malignancy is a good thing. I wish you luck in resolving this situation. Trust me, I know how it can eat at you.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

The idea of cutting off your parents because of others is asinine. Your relationship with your parents is none of their business. I will say tho that I'd only live with parents if I were in extreme financial distress. It's great that it works for you but I am way too curious as to why if you have your own home you don't live in it?

The idea that your nephew yelled at you when he should have been watching his kid is also asinine. Who the hell jumps on a tractor without securing their 2 year old first. Good grief how did the nephew walk out of the house without asking someone to care for the little one. How did the kid follow him and daddy didn't realize it. Every time I go out a door I close it so it stands to reason that if he even thought that someone else was watching the boy he would have closed the door behind himself before the boy got to it. He's lucky the kid didn't make it to the street and get run over or walk off and get lost.

The nephew yelled at you because it was easier than taking responsibility for not taking care of his kid. Screw him.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I would never cut my parents out. Thats actually what my siblings want. I agreed long ago I would take care of them. My husband, bless his heart, agreed before I would get serious with him that he would help. I had made the promise and he made the promise when he married me. Its not been easy at times. Staying close makes buying a house or job hunting even a bit more challenging. Everything revolves around it but I could never break that promise. My siblings have done all they can to try to force this and my nephew has now joined ranks. Its a bit more difficult with him because we were raised together. We are only 3 years apart and my mom raised him. The skipping thanksgiving is not a hardship for us. Thanksgiving has become a trial and generally I need a bit of drink to get through it.

The feeling of guilt I guess is that by having me, my parents relationship with their other kids became strained. The youngest of their first 4 was 13 when i was born. They were very very resentful and that has never gone away. Its hard knowing the only thing that could have fixed this situation is really for me not to have been born.

.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Your parents should have handled this when you were a baby. Shame on them for not doing it then! And shame on them for ignoring it now! For Thanksgiving, our parents need to put their feet down and declare that anyone starting a fight or speaking disrespectfully to anyone else is not welcome, and will be told to leave immediately. And they need to enforce that!


I find it interesting that your parents had to raise your nephew--where were his parents--your sibling and spouse? Why weren't they raising their child?

It is obvious that you and your husband are pulling your weight, and if living there works for your family and your parents, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Tough!

Make sure your parents have a written will that includes instructions for the disposition of their household belongings--not just the financial aspects of their estate, but also the personal affects.

 

[HeatherLynn]

My parents raised my nephew because my sister's husband packed her up with my nephew when he was one and sent them from texas to kentucky with just enough gas money and an over night bag. He was supposed to follow. When she arrived she found out he was not coming, was putting in for a divorce and already had his family selling all her things. She moved in and they supported them both till she could find a job. They lived with us until my nephew was 16. My dad built her a house then and they moved into that. Mom raised him because my sister has had some serious knocks in life that have left her with some issues. I would say she barely manages to keep herself taken care of. There is no way she could have taken care of both of them until he was grown. I don't fault her for that because I know what all the issues are. My parents did what needed to be done to help her survive and for my nephew to flourish. So we were actually raised like brother and sister. I was closest to him and I would have called him my best friend for many years.

Many reasons we live with my parents. It started out when we all lived together after my first child. At the time we decided my husband would not work immediately when I moved us all back home. ( he was from massachusets but I wanted my mom with my kids). He went to school for 6 months, did some side work and then did school and full time job. I worked full time but it was still a struggle at that point. We were paying for school out of pocket and a new baby. Then they offered to let us buy their house which we did and they built a new house at the farm which took FOREVER to finish. Seriously we thought none of us would live to see it done. So 7 years later they finally were all the way into the house. My kids were miserable when they moved. I have 4 so yes finances are tight. i could not afford to drive them all the way to the farm every day and thats what they wanted. My mom was miserable. I was lonely. I loved having our own place again though. Then I had my 4th baby and there were complications and life went upside down. We moved into their house on the farm temporarily and made the decision while there we wanted to build on the farm. I own part of the land and it would be convenient and everyone would be happy. So we put the house on the market. Never thinking it would take more than a year to sell.

I will admit its an odd life and an odd choice but my parents are so happy to have the kids here. They like a bit of peace and quiet now and then but if we are gone over night even my dad complains of too much quiet. They are in their upper 70's now also and health is not the greatest so there are side reasons to be here. I always intended to be close enough to care for them. Mom had a fall and taking 45 min to get here freaked everyone out. It sorta solidified the idea that we needed to live closer. It not an easy arrangement to make work but I just cannot make my mom or kids that unhappy. So options right now really are sell the house and either build or buy close to them. I want them to enjoy that closeness to a grandparent. I never had that and always wanted it. They are so lucky.

My mom is ok with us skipping thanksgiving. If they didn't host it they would skip too and have wanted to for several years. Its always a drama fest and it really ruins the holiday season. There is just too much to fix. Greedy in laws, fights, more greed, more greed, more greed, mix in a bit of jealousy, abusive spouses, drugs, alcohol, and mental issues. Sometimes I am just not sure my siblings were raised by the same parents. I have a brother who lived with us when i was younger who I respected so much, alcohol and a spendthrift wife later and I cannot even stand him anymore. Its horrible to say but its true. I just have nothing really to tie me to my siblings honestly. I was closest to my nephew and after all he said to me I just refuse to speak to him now.

The upside is, I am working through it. I have hit the point where I am just tired of the crap. I'll do what I know is right and when mom and dad are gone I can walk away from the drama and hate. For now I just intend to ignore what I can and just really focus everythign I have on my children, my husband and my parents. The rest can go to heck.