I know I am being selfish and it drives me crazy but I can't help it..

[luvmychicknkids]

Quick run down for those who don't know my situation. My husband is active duty military and stationed at a base the children and I cannot live due to serious health issues with our youngest son. We have lived apart for 4 years now. We get to see him twice a year. Once for a week mid Summer and for a week during the Winter Holidays. There is no way we can afford for him to come home more often. Maintaining two separate households is pretty expensive. Anyway, his family knows this. His mother also hates me and has made that very clear. For the past 3 years she sends him plane tickets to fly him to her house for Thanksgiving. This is not some teenage boy away from home. This is a man who has a wife and three children he would love to be with, would much rather be with than going to her house, but his only choice is to go there or be alone. Oh, this doesn't include any offer to help me and the kids go there, or even an invitation to go there if we chose to on our own. If it was me I would refuse the tickets and spend Thanksgiving by myself. He won't. I bite my tongue and haven't said a word, but it makes me angry and it hurts. I don't think she should have to pay for him to come see us, I just think it is VERY wrong for her to pay for him to go there. Am I totally wrong in feeling this way?

 

[bulldog-girl]

Nope and don't get mad at me but it seems you married a mommas boy. Some moms have a very strong hold on their sons. I am sure he would rather be with you but I am also sure he would rather have some kind of time off even if it is with his mom.

Is there any way you can be closer together? It is very hard to maintain a family when you can't see each other very often. Does he have enough training that he could get another job out of the military when his enlistment is up? The kids must not even know there dad.

The thing with his mom won't change unless he makes it. His mom sees you as an intruder and taking her place as number 1 girl in his life. Unfortunalty for her she is missing out on a great Daughter in Law and her grand kids. I just don't get that. Nothing would keep me from my Grandkids(if I had any)

Stay strong. Make a special holdiay for your kids and have fun.

 

[MissPrissy]

Has he ever considered living on base in order to save the 2nd household expense money to use to visit home and family more often?

 

[BeckyLa]

Since you cannot afford his transport, imho, right or wrong, I think he should accept her tickets and then just change the destination or cash them in to get him home. I don't think she should have to pay for him to go home, either, but if she really wanted his happiness.....well you get my meaning. If nothing else, it would show her that you, and his kids, are his priority and would stop it from happening again in the future.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Oh trust me, we have had a few issues since we married about his "mommy's boy" status. However, I quit getting mad at him for that when he literally refused to speak to her for over two years because she came to our house (back in the old days when we lived together) right after the birth of our youngest son and told me she was there to remove me from her son's life. She had to take a taxi to the airport from the hospital because she got so upset over what he said she had a mild heart attack (she spent 2 weeks in CCU). He never even went to see her in the hospital. So, while he IS a mommy's boy, he tries.

No, right now we can't be closer. However, he will be back living with us in 15 months. We are counting down the days!!!!

 

[Barnyard]

I would have to agree with bulldog girl!

I to am married to a momma's boy. Allthough he is not in military and we do live together, I get the same thing from his mom.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Living in base housing takes your housing allowance so it would actually HURT us if he moved into base housing. Besides, the base he is at was a guard base for a long time then closed down. They just built base housing VERY recently....after he was already living in his apartment.

I agree, BeckyLa, but he won't on his own. I guess I just needed to hear I really am justified in being upset over this.

So, barnyard, do you think they will EVER truly grow up???? I worry he won't.

 

[redhen]

Hello, and wow, i'm very sorry you have to go through these things!..i wish i could do or say something to help..but, i'm no good at that thing,,sorry.....except to say that i'm really very sorry for your pain....
Now, you asked if you were being selfish....well, NO! i dont think you are at all!..but...i can also see ALL 3 sides here...1: is youre hurt feelings...2: is the fact that he is still her son...and will probably always come first..(even though it may not always be right..), and 3: that is his only mother....so, it IS so hard to say!..i honestly think you are right in your feelings!(i KNOW i would feel the same way..)...but, since i am on the outside looking in..i can also see it from a differant perspective....i wish you the best for the holidays!..take care..

.., Wendy

 

[debilorrah]

Girl, I would be VERY unhappy with him for going home to see mommy and not you. I would say thanks, but no, if my wife and kids have to be alone, then so will I. VERY UNHAPPY! What a iwcked woman to treat you like that. Some people are never happy unless they are hurting others.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

She is definitely one of those who HAS to be hurting people. Her mother was the same so she came by it natural.
The strange thing is, he really doesn't even seem to like her. I think he is afraid of her but I can't figure out why. The first thing this woman ever said to me when I met her was "if you ever hurt my son you will regret it for the rest of your life". I should have known she was going to be a problem.