I live with a bunch of pigs!

[herfrds]

I know the feeling.

My MIL told me about this one little girl she babysat years ago. She would just dump her clothes on the floor. So her mom just put them in a bag every day until she was left with just one set of clothes. She had to wear them for a week. Then her mom washed the clothes and hung them back in her closet. That girl no longer dumped her clothes on the floor.
If you do this hide the bags so they cannot find them. Soon they will be out of socks, underwear, pants and shirts.

Just tell them since they did not pick them up you have no idea where their clothes are.

My kids age 14 and 10 know how to use the washer.

 

[CluckyJay]

Story of my life.

 

[Marcymom3]

We have a laundry chute in the "kids' bathroom". They could drop their dirty clothes down and I would wash, dry, fold and put them on their beds to be put away. One Saturday after working all week, grocery shopping, fixing meals, etc. I went to sort clothes and found that last week's clean and folded stuff down there. They had cleaned their rooms and rather than put their stuff away, dumped it down the chute. I was soooooo mad!! Called all three of them down and gave a lesson on using the washer and dryer, and put them on notice that they were on their own. I bought them each a dark colored and a white laundry basket. They were to sort their dirty clothes as they took them off and do laundry when either basket was full. This was the smartest thing I ever did! They are all in their 30's now and always look like they just got ironed. Their homes and cars are clean, and they all have a good work ethic and are gainfully employed. Nobody has been in therapy because their mother gave them a hard time about being a slob at ages 9, 10 1/2 and 12.

At the risk of sounding preachy, you are not doing your kids any favors by allowing this behavior. Experts say that kids need chores (not related to their allowance or money) to do to make them feel they are an important part of the family. I am not sure that is completely true, but there is one obvious truth here. Not only are you wearing yourself out, you are allowing them to be disrespectful and take you for granted. They will continue to do this until you act. Remember, through our lives we learn that all behaviors have a consequence. Now is as good a time as any to demonstrate this to your kids. And rewarding ANY of their behavior as long as they are doing this is counterproductive. You need to tell them that you've had it, and they have used up all their chances and this is how it will be.

Get a boot tray at the hardware store for a couple dollars and put it by the garage door. Any dirty shoes that come into YOUR house go in the trash. Any clothes left in YOUR family living space also goes in the trash. Stop shopping and cleaning up after them until they accept responsibilities for their messes. Can you survive on cereal and sandwiches for yourself for a while? Tell them that when they clean up after themselves in the kitchen one day, you will cook the next. A mess equals no meal the next day. Also, I would be tempted to cancel the cell phone, but that might cause more trouble than it's worth.

Good luck!

 

[Dar]

Quote:

I thought I was the only one who did that....

I dont throw it in the trash though i will throw them into the back yard and there have been many of times where my daughter has to go looking in the yard for her shoes.

I hide game boys and ipods they get really mad when I do that... I once hid my daughters game boy so well i forgot where I put it until we had the van detailed and the guy handed me her game boy back it was in the well where the spare tire went...

movies that get piled up beside the TV will get sold on craigs list

 

[eenie114]

Muddy cleats get tossed on their pillows.

And I agree with going on strike. There comes a point where you wouldn't be their mom anymore, just a glorified housekeeper.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

flocksalot - I think your hubby and mine must be brothers! : ) My hubby leaves empty things on the counter and wrappers on the counter, right above where the trash is -- the trash does not have to be full! And when it is full, I guess I'm the only one who can see it. He's a tidy guy when it comes to his own stuff. His polebarn is spotless, but communal areas are a different story for him. I have no clue why he'd keep his polebarn, truck, etc so neat, but fail to help out around the house. I think everybody around here thinks mom will do everything. My girls do pick up what they are told. They are expected to keep their rooms clean. My oldest could be folding her own laundry. And the girls do help every now and again to load the dishwasher.

 

[r4eboxer]

Wow thanks so much for all the insightful and wisdom filled responses. I was watching sister wives last night and wondered if they helped each other with household chores. I gotta tell ya if they do it is really tempting

but I don't need sister wives I have chicken sisters on here to give me wonderful advice.

I don't have time to respond to all posts. I am on my way out the door to a football game but I did get the kitchen cleaned up a few loads of laundry dry done, one bathroom cleaned, I cooked up some rice and beans for the chicken,geese and goat that had moth eggs in it, started minestrone soup and put some steaks in the crock pot for a pepper and steak dish. Whew thank goodness we get an extra hour today.

I am going to take a lot of this advice and put it to use. I am going to start by hiding all the towels except for two for each of us. I am also going to hide my two so they don't use them.

 

[CityGirlintheCountry]

You have allowed them to turn you into their own personal maid and the attitude of disrespect seems to be originating with your husband. The boys are just copying their dad's behavior. What you do with dad is up to you (but some counseling to change that attitude from servant to partner might be good). You totally don't have to take this off your kids though. At the moment they are turning into copies of their daddy. Do you really want to do that to some future bride?

Like the others have said, GO ON STRIKE!!!! At 16 and 11 they are perfectly capable of taking care of their own laundry AND their rooms AND doing the dinner dishes. When I was around 11 my mom took a new job. She and Dad set us down and reorganized the family. From that point on my siblings and I did ALL the laundry for the family, remade all the beds, cleaned all the bathrooms and did all the dishes. We each had a week of laundry, a week of dishes and a week of bathrooms. Mom and Dad were working full time. We kids were now in charge of the household.
The end result is that the family continued to run smoothly. We all learned very valuable skills. Mom and Dad were less stressed. Did we kids go into it cheerfully? Heck no! We whined and fussed and generally threw a fit. We still had to do the chores. I don't remember there ever being another option. After a while it was just what we did.

Stop babying your boys. You are raising chauvinists. They can do their own laundry. If something is dirty, too bad for them. No football uniform? Then they don't get to dress out and they miss practice or a game. You better believe the coach will throw a fit and they will make sure their uniform is clean next time. Mud all over the floor? Cleats are put away and earned back by sweeping and mopping the area they messed up. If that makes them late for practice than too bad. The extra laps they run will push that point home. Football should be second to family life and the family unit. Football should be second to turning them into decent humans.

Tell your husband what you are about to do. I wouldn't ask permission. I would just tell him. He is likely to throw a fit as well. He also needs to remember that you are his WIFE and not his maid. Sit the boys down and explain that the free ride is over. They are now in charge of their own laundry and that they will take turns doing the dishes. One week on and one week off. During their off week from dishes they are in charge of cleaning bathrooms (or whatever room you think is best). If their chores are not done then they don't get to do any extracurriculars. They will go to school and come straight home until all the chores are done. Period. If the house gets out of control you will call a foul and they will stay home helping you clean it up. Hopefully after a couple of rounds of that the house won't get nasty again.

They will throw a fit. They will be mouthy. They will rebel. Stand firm. YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT!!! You are there to turn them into good, strong men. You can do it.

to you.

 

[Dar]

i have been on strike for about 3 weeks now...

I just got a text message from hubby... hes not going to go for lunch with the guys after hockey today cause he needs to come home and do his laundry...

the guys ALWAYS go for lunch on sunday afternoon after hockey... its like beer and football!

he just text messaged me and asked me to make sure the kids are done theirs so he can get right to it when he comes home.

 

[cassie]

I can tell you how other women solved the problem. Maybe some of the suggestions will be useful to you. But first of all, I WOULD NOT DO YOUR SONS' LAUNDRY. Unless they are crippled or retarded, they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves. Give each of them a laundry basket for their rooms, and tell them they can use it or not as they wish, but their laundry is up to them starting today. And if they leave it lying around the house it is going to get donated. As for your husband's clothes, if they aren't in the hamper, they don't get washed. Period.

One woman simply told her family she was going to clean house on Saturday morning, and that all of their possessions needed to be picked up and out of her way by then. Of course they ignored her. Saturday morning when she started to clean she put all of the strewn about items in garbage bags and put them in the dumpster. Didn't matter what it was. Toys, food, games, clothes, homework, books, it all went in the trash. She didn't have to tell them again.

One woman on BYC refused to cook dinner unless and until the dishes were washed and the kitchen cleaned up. I think she said the family missed out on dinner that night because they didn't think she was serious. She was.

One woman I read about just quit. She told the family she was tired of the endless demands, lack of cooperation, and lack of respect, and she quit. She told them meals and running the household was their responsibility because she quit. And she did. It took a while, but they figured it out.

What you are dealing with is not so much the stuff as it is a total lack of respect for you. This will continue as long as you permit it. Asking, pleading, begging, and nagging won't work. Actions will. And unless and until you demand respect, you aren't going to get it. Just tell them what the new rules are once. And then stick to your guns.