I Lost My Best Friend My Husband Bill

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

We're still here and still listening sweetie. None of this is your fault. None of your reactions are unusual or wacky. You are normal as the setting on the washing machine! Hang in there. We're all pulling for you. One day at a time.

When you are up to it. Open up the phone book to the blue pages. Look at anything that may even remotely apply to you. Call them and ask. The worse they can say is no. What they'll usually say is we can't help you but did you try: and they'll give you information on programs that you never even heard of before. From everything you told us you qualify for a mess of things.

And as for food stamps etc, most of them are on-line now. When we had to apply for food stamps I never left the house. Everything was on-line except for one phone call then the card came in the mail.

Now, would you tell anyone else the things you say to yourself?? Knock that off! You're talking to yourself in a manner you would never use on anyone else. Get off your back. Be gentle and kind to you.

Keep talking to us we'll be here.

 

[chickenlyn]

Wolftracks,

You are awesome! In putting one foot in front of another you've already run a mile! Can you sort any of that stuff out of storage that you could sell? My rule for myself, because I am an awful accumulator, is if I have not used it or missed it in a year it's history. You might be able to eliminate the unit entirely and spend the $130(or a little more) on an inexpensive readymade garden shed for storage on your property. I haven't looked lately, but those steel sheds can be pretty cheap, especially at the end of the season.
I don't know that much about the chickens and your demographics, so not sure about how to make money with them yet, without costing you money.
Is there a church around you that you might want to attend? It would give you an opportunity to socialize and meet some neighbors. I know it's hard to go out, especially now, but the isolation only feeds the depression, and it would be good for your son to meet kids his age to hang with. You might find a translator there as well to help you communicate with your helpful neighbor.


Still praying.

 

[wolftracks]

I was really missing Bill today.

Two of my daughters and one of my granddaughters came over for dinner. I used to make chicken adobo a lot when they were younger. Bill didn't like the smell and since I was the only one left at home who liked it, I just hadn't made it in a long long time. Sent leftover home with them and kept a couple f pieces in case I decide I do want more, but doubt it. I bought strawberries today to make strawberry shortcake for Bill. oops! Not the first time I've done this this week. I was panicking in the store and grabbed some things only he liked.

Still don't know what's going to happen with us yet and scared as heck right now.

I've heard from others on this site going through the same thing I am. WE are. Kids are in pain too. I have to remember that sometimes.

I'm going to stat an additional thread. This one for when I need to talk about him. The other for those of us that need to talk to others about what we need to do, can do, can't do........need help with or whatever. There are other sites out there for this I know, but I feel comfortable here. I feel like I'm home on this site and with my problems, home is where I need to be. Hope no one minds me doing this.




Bill

This is my thread for you. I need it and it's been helping me through this. I think you know that. You knew everything that needed to do to cope.
I miss you so much and I can't stop hurting and crying. You took good care of me and people always pointed out how luck I was to have you.
Everything is going wrong since you've been gone and I can't keep it together, but I'm trying because I know you would want me to try.
I've always been affraid to die. You know that too. Just save me a space next to you and I won't be affraid from now on. Need to make sure Dakotah doesn't
lose much more right now, but he'll be grown soon and I'll make sure he has a support system ready.
I thought I'd go first, but maybe you left to wait for me. I hope you'll be with me when it's my time. Being withour you now is the hardest thing I've every been through and you know I've been through a lot, but this is unbearable!

Love you forever and a day!

Kim

 

[vickibiro]

It's been 7 weeks since my husband died and I still pick up four forks to take to the table instead of the three we need now. I just keep the fourth one next to me. One of these days I guess I won't do that but until then I try to keep the memories of him eating at that table sweet. That's how he would want it.

 

[debilorrah]

Wolftracks, I thought of you recently, when my best friends hubby was diagnosed with an incurable cancer of the bile duct. He has 6 months, and they are traveling all over the place to make sure he visits every place he ever wanted to.

Soon I will be posting about losing a great friend, wonderful father, funny man.

 

[wolftracks]

Deb I'm so sorry.

I just posted a thread for those of us that have lost our other halves.

Hopefully we can all find eachother and work things out together.

I'm so scared right now. We didn't except this at all. Bill was looking forward to so much.

Just still can not believe this is happening.

I'm glad your friend is able to travel. Must be hard to know what it going to happen.

Don't know whats worse. Knowing or not knowing at all.




Oh..........here's the link to the thread I started

https://www.backyardchickens.com/forum/viewtopic.php?id=381083

 

[schatze17]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Too sweet about the midnight birthday kiss.

 

[wolftracks]

I can't belive it's been almost a month since Bill has been gone. This just still dosn't feel real.

How could he go so fast after just being so happy about things we'd be able to do and places to go. Just isn't fair that he was so alive one minute and excited and the next he's gone. I feel so bad that I'm back to not sleeping now and was so asleep when he needed me.

I can't get anything done. I don't remember the last time I did laundry. I think it was last week. SIL tried to clear a bad clog in the water papes yesterday. I bought a snake and although it seemed to be doing something the sinks are backing up even faster now. I need to find a cheap plummer, but I cry when I start talking and I'm affraid they'll think I'm a space case. My girls all took time off their jobs to take care of the funeral and lost money to boot, so their trying to get themselves back together. They don't have the time to deal with me and all my problems. My youngest daughter just couldn't take all of my breakdowns and she went to stay with a friend for a few days. She has always had problems coping with stress and I am just happy she held on as long as she did. We're all surprised she did as good as she did. She's also been sick, so she needed to get somewhere she could rest.

I'm trying to get the FBCMs that Bill bought me to produce a younger flock, but after 3 days of rocking I'm getting 0 to hatch.

I took Dakotah and Makayla fishing the other evening. Bill wasn't big on fishing, but he had taken us to a stop not far from here. Bill had planned on taking Dakotah as a surprise as soon as he got back from his dad's this summer and when we had another catastrophy I decided to take them both and deal with the problem starting monday.

Dakotah is supposed to start High School on the 11th and we've had things in the works for an inter district transfer since last school year. He need some special ed classes for learning diabilities and they had his classes and just everything together since april. We were looking in the area of the school to buy a home, so we'd be there for him to attend. He was so excited about this particular school and it's only 15 minutes drive time from this house. The ones in our district are further away. They've sent me packets and left message reminders for the students that orientation was the 5th. School pics were also that day. We went and bought him a really nice new shirt and he needed shoes badly! Dad doesn't do all that, Bill always supplied everything. We got to the school and something told me to check in at the office. I find out there, while this kid that just lost the closest person to him (he loves mom, but always been closer to Bill) has just been taken away, that they don't have room in their special ed program for him anywhere in the city. I could tell Dakotah was crushed. He's never been so excited about a school in his life. It's all he's talked about since the trip he took there last year. I don't even want him in the gang infested school here. I know they are everywhere out here, but the other district is kept pretty controlled, where here they change shirts 2 blocks from school and the crap starts.

It's just one thing after another. I haven't gone to social services, but been told by the VA and SS that I should, because cash from anything of Bill's is probably not going to be available to me. I can't walk into that place. I've been there before when Bill was waiting for his SSDI to take effect, which happened his first time applying. How unusal is that? Took my mom 10 years. Anyway I panicked in that place every time we had to go and that was with Bill right there. I'd have to go outside and wait for him to get when when they were ready for us. I hate that place anyway.

I have medical, but it's at 75% and I don't have the money to pay the rest, so trying to get help for my problems is just not within reach right now. I've asked around, but the numbers and places that I'm directed too are dead ends.

I have this poor kid that doesn't have his stepdad to talk to about what's going on and he stays in his room an is so moody I've actually had to get on to him and he's a good kid. Never been grounded, because there has never been a reason and I think he's had maybe 10 timeouts in his life. He kind of has Bill's quietness and lets things build up. I'm worried he's going to break down bad when it finally happens. He won't let anyone see him cry, but his eyes have been red and puffy lately and he just sits with his head down. And I'm no help. I talk to him, but I make him feel worse.

I have a bad temper. I'm pretty good at controlling it and Bill was always there to get me to see things weren't so bad that I needed to go into a rage, but I can feel that building up big time!!!! I've snapped at the kids and for no other reason than the fact that Bill was snatched away. No one and I mean no one talks to me or treats me like he did. I'm back to feeling like nothing again and I hate it. I don't know why he had to go and someone like me gets to stay behind.

Oh yeah! It's the good ones that go first!

 

[Kyhen]

I'm so sorry for your loss and all the things that you are going through. I pray that life gets better for you soon.

 

[wolftracks]

Quote:
It's always when things start looking up for me they get worse. I'm so angry right now I can't even explain it. I'm tired, so guess it's messing with my head. I just can't find UP right now and I wonder if I ever will. I don't know what to do about Dakotah and school. I have 2 days to figure it out, but I haven't figured things out in almost a month, so who knows how long it will take me to get this right. I need Bill to take over and get things done. I could do more with him here. Even when I was doing things I always had him there for suport. Yeah I'm tired.