I need some help, advice - not chicken related

[Opa]

My sons are all grown and doing well on their own, however, they didn't get that way without help and encouragement. From an early age they were made aware of the things that needed to be done for a household and a family to function. If they helped me with those things then those things would get done much quicker and we could all play together. When they graduated from high school they were informed that my obligation to support them was over. They could continue to live under "MY" roof as long as they were contributing members of the household. Contribution could be monetary, or physical, but they must contribute. Working and contributing to he family budget still did not relieve them of basic household chores. My working did not make me exempt nor would it them. They also knew that if they didn't comply they would have to leave. It has been over twenty years that they have been adults and we have an incredibly close relationship. I now see them operating their households under the same premise. It's time for some "tough love". You are loving your family more by not being their maid and doormat. Initiate some new rules and stick by them. Force them to grow up. If they don't like them show them the door. "Just an Old Rooster's Opinion". Good luck and God's blessings.

 

[BFeathered]

That is one mean little featherless chick you've got there! I'm thinking changing the locks is a good idea. You, fiance and 17yo get the only keys. Sleeping with the trash, eh... hhmmmm. Maybe you should run out and get yourself some french fries (your other thread) and not share with them! Ah well, go have a glass of red wine, put in your earplugs (ipod, with good tunes) and tomorrow is bound to be better. Hope fiance is okay, BTW.

 

[debilorrah]

My biggest problem is that I have been here with them for a year. Not alifetime. Getting these kids to do what they should is a monumental task. If I tell MY son to do something, he almost always does just that one thing. Not so with the other two. Remember we are trying to build a family and I need to know how to teach them respect.

 

[BFeathered]

You and fiance need to sit down and set rules together. It sounds like he's not thrilled by the situation either, so this should be a no-brainer. Honestly, trying to build a family and respect with "adult" teenagers is going to be tough, especially since it doesn't seem like they've had many rules before. But remember that you are the real adult, and you are the one with the house. Opa's right- make em' act like adults now, and sooner (or later) they will respect and love you.

 

[mamaKate]

Hey, Honey, sorry you're having a rough time.

I read all the "retribution" posts and have to put in my two cents. My kids range in age from 34 down to 16 and over 34 years of childraising I've sort of developed some theories. Relationships are more important than rules. Sounds like it's time for a family meeting. They'll all be on their own soon enough

and housekeeping disputes will be forgotten.Certainly ask for cooperation with chores but remember, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1 You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.

 

[rufus]

Sometimes family can be a real pain, but let me tell you that you will sure miss them when they are gone. Enjoy them while you have them.

Rufus

 

[2manyhats]

Quote:
That was just what I was going to suggest to you. "I can drive you to school in the morning if you spend a half hour washing dishes, DD." "DS, I'll make dinner if you'll sweep the kitchen floor and take out the garbage."
I have 3 teens and they are really great kids, but pigs. I have to remind them at times that Dad and I work 45 hours a week and cook after a 12 hour shift and if they would like to eat the food we cook that night they need to help.

Miss jayne had it right about asking your mom to plan ahead as well.

So sorry to hear about the life crashing in right now. We too are in a struggle with our business right now and feel quite overwhelmed about losing it all. That said, I believe it will all pass and God is in control (even if I can't understand His methods). I'll pray for you and all of your gang right now.

 

[debilorrah]

I think a family meeting is in order. The boys cleaned the kitchen last night and DD was supposed to do the floor and never did. She left for school while I was on the toilet.

Then this morning, the kitchen is in the same shape. I feel less frustrated today, but...

 

[Opa]

Lay down the law. Give them two choices. Help or leave.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Yep - that's what it's gonna be tonight. My fiance and I talked this morning, and we have a list of the basic things that need to happen every day. And when I ask for them to pick something up, if it isn't done within 60 minutes, it goes in a bag to the dump.