I need some help

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by SarahFair, Oct 23, 2008.

  1. SarahFair

    SarahFair Songster

    Sep 23, 2008
    Monroe, Ga
    My mother, 46, passed away Monday morning about...Well I dont really know
    My mothers room mate, boyfriend, partner said she went to bed around 5 pm he dozed off shortly there after and woke up to check on her and she had died in bed. He called the police and I guess they didnt get there till after midnight because her date of death is the 20th. Well anyways my mother died of liver failer. She was a heavy alcoholic for the past...I guess about 10 years.
    I feel being the oldest child (well out of my sister and I) and her daughter I am expected to give a speech. I would like to. I just dont know really what to say.
    Well I know what to say I just dont know if I should leave the drinking out of it. I dont see how I can just leave the last 3652 + days (10 + years) of her life out.
    I feel I should send a message to people to get help. I just dont know if that is appropriate at a memorial.
    Before the drinking started my mom was SO normal. She took us and picked up my sister and I from school everday. Took us to horse back riding, gymnastics, swimming, soccer, birthday parties..
    She did our laundry, cooked us dinner, made sure we had our lunches packed. Just a wonderful normal mom and person.

    I dont know what to say.
    I know this is weird Im putting this on a chicken forum but my whole family is being so...weird right now. I feel like Im the only normal one. I readied myself along time ago for this because I saw it coming.

    But my questions are
    Has anyone ever done this?
    What do I say?
    Should I talk about her problem in my speech?
    Should I even make one?
    I dont want the part where the guys like if anyone has anything to say come on up and no one get up (even though Im sure her remaining brothers and sister MIGHT)
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2008
  2. miss_jayne

    miss_jayne Lady_Jayne

    Jun 26, 2008
    Columbiaville, MI
    firstly, i am sorry for your loss and bless you.

    if you so feel compelled, of course, do what you feel.

    anything can be discussed kindly and appropriately.

    why not do something from the take of what it was like as a daughter of an alcoholic mom. it will tell more about the love of your mom, than the hate of the disease.

    again, blessings and i applaud you for your courage and strength to even try to put something together to say.
  3. youdontknow32

    youdontknow32 Songster

    Sep 29, 2008
    South Western PA
    I am so very sorry about your loss!
  4. What better place than here on BYC. We are all family here.
    I am so sorry for your loss.
    We just lost my dad about 6 months ago after a 21 year battle with emphazema. He also died at home in bed with my mother beside him. He was an avid golfer all his life and so for his memorial all of us kids and spouses and some of the grandkids and mom all went and played a round of golf in his honor and spread his ashes around the golf course.
    Remeber your mother how you want to. Remember the joyous times. Remember her as she was not as she is. The woman is gone in body but will live on in your heart forever. Every one has a good side and for that they should be remembered. Follow your heart.
    It's a hard time you are going through but stay strong. We are all here with you. You feel free to post what ever you feel.
  5. ginbart

    ginbart Crowing

    Mar 9, 2008
    Bloomsburg, PA
    How about this: in your own words.

    She took us and picked up my sister and I from school everday. Took us to horse back riding, gymnastics, swimming, soccer, birthday parties.. She did our laundry, cooked us dinner, made sure we had our lunches packed. Just a wonderful normal mom and person.

    Try to remember the good times. Just say whats in your heart.

    My daughter did not talk to her father for over 6 months because of a misunderstanding. He died, he was a alcoholic and she now regrets that.

    Just remember being a alcoholic is a disease.

    God bless you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss.
  6. mom'sfolly

    mom'sfolly Crowing

    Feb 15, 2007
    Austin area, Texas
    I'm sorry about your mom.

    Do the eulogy of the mom you loved, and continued to love, even if the disease made it difficult. These stories are for the living, but are memories of the dead. Do what feels best and most appropriate for you, even if that means not doing the speach. See if you can find a grief specialist or talk to someone at the funeral home, they deal with this stuff daily.
  7. AllChookUp

    AllChookUp Will Shut Up for Chocolate

    May 7, 2008
    Frozen Lake, MN
    Sorry for your loss, Sarah (and your experiences).

    I think you just have to look into what your heart is telling you. As miss_jayne said, there's always a way to get your point across, but use it to kindly let others know of the impact to everyone it had. I'm sure whatever you say, the love for your Mom will come across, and that's the main message. I know you don't have a lot of time, so think through what you're trying to get across, and go from there.

    Focus on the love you have for her, how she was such a part of your life, and the impact alcohol had - It sounds like it WAS a large part of your later experiences with her, after all.

    Good luck, and God bless you and your family. It's a [email protected] tough thing to be going through. We're here for ya.

    Last edited: Oct 23, 2008
  8. jbowyer01

    jbowyer01 Just Me!

    Aug 29, 2008
    Hogansville, Georgia
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss..I will keep you in my thoughts. As for the eulogy, speak from your heart, you loved your mother and it seems you have very fond memories. Like every says its a disease, if she had died from cancer you wouldnt talk about the cancer, you would only talk of the memories that you had of a loving mom.
  9. SarahFair

    SarahFair Songster

    Sep 23, 2008
    Monroe, Ga
    Quote:I understand this is a disease and I feel alot of people that will be there are borderline alcoholics or addicts in other ways.(runs very heavily in the family. Her brother died from oding on pills.).
    I feel this is a disease that can be stopped. Its managable with help. My mother would never get help. She was in denial till she died. I dont want people, my family and my friends to end in the same fate. I feel this should be a big life lesson.
    IDK im writing something now. I will post what ive got when im done to see what yall think
  10. gumpsgirl

    gumpsgirl Crowing Premium Member

    Mar 25, 2008
    So sorry for your loss. I know that has to be hard. I think in this circumstance, that you could most definitely talk about the good times and memories that you have with adding something about the alcoholism and trials into that for the family members that you are concerned about. You very well could use this opportunity to change other peoples lives and hopefully get them set back on the right track. Again, I'm truly sorry for your loss and commend you for being so brave. [​IMG]

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