I need some help

[Morning Dove]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother! I think the best thing to say at her funeral is the truth, so be honest about the good and the bad. Alcoholism is a disease, maybe you can honor your mother's struggle by asking the family to send donations to AA instead of flowers? I have 2 good friends who are sober today because of AA and they are wonderful people! It sounds like you love your mother very much, and want to honor her and the truth, and I feel that you can do that. Honor her struggle with her disease, but don't ignore it.

Blessings,

Dove

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
I have sympathy for your situation. I have grandparents who are alcoholics (my 70-year-old grandmother was arrested for drunk driving), and thankfully, my mom (their daughter) vowed that she would never become like them. It made a huge difference in my and my siblings' lives.

I think that you should begin by talking about the way your mom was before the alcoholism, and then maybe touch on things you regret you never got to do together -- or missed out on -- because of the alcoholism.

If you keep it about yourself, your experience, and your feelings, the audience will be able to empathize with you and won't feel like they are being attacked somehow.

If you are interested in helping people with alcoholism, you could always volunteer with a service group. Maybe that way, you could spread the message you believe you have now and have a much greater impact than you would at a funeral.

Personally, I think it's important to confront an alcoholic in a more personal setting. If you're trying to reach out to a family member in the audience at the funeral, you'll probably just make them feel alienated or attacked.

 

[conny63malies]

Both my parents died before they turned 45. My dad died of throat cancer at age 39 , he was a heavy smoker and drinker. My mom(drinker, smoker, drugabuser) was just, like your mom, found dead in bed one morning she was 42 i think. I was raised by my dad unil he dumped me at my grandparents when he had a new GF with 4 sons and i didnt fit into their plans. My mom left me with my dad when i was three.By then she almost drowned me once and drove with a moped drunk and me holding on for dear life on the back, just to wreck .(I had two broken feet)
I went to my dads funeral just because it was close by.I didnt go to my moms funeral, i never really knew that woman. Weeks later i got a bill for her casket lining and some oter stuff. My dear relatives thought after she left me nothing but grief i would like to pay her bills. WEll i didnt.
So for steering of course.
Had to vent.

Either say everyhing you want to say, wether its good or bad , its your last chance to, dont keep your feelings shut inside, let them out. Or say nothing at all.


ps: i dont smoke and use drugs, i came out alright ,but my brothers all have pysical o mental disabiliies because of the abuse.

 

[BFeathered]

I'm sorry for your loss. This is a lousy thing to have to go through, but you have added grief to deal with -- you "lost" your mother before she actually died. Perhaps that's something you can use to help you convey your thoughts to others without making them feel defensive. If you do choose to speak at her funeral, remember the wonderful memories you do have and then (only then!) mention how long your loss has been going on. Sending comfort, peace and hugs,
M