I want to run away from home and I am 43 OMG!

[chickened]

Hunger is a very good motivator. I am a little harsh sometimes and in our home we have a rule and that is if you are part of this FAMILY then you participate- no work no food as an example. Lay some ground rules quickly up front. Your sanity will thank you.
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[OvertheHenHouse]

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OH DEAR GOD YES!

I strongly agree with others that this is a mistake. Let them eat cereal and sandwiches, and don't make them for them. Then tell them you will make some meal you'd like if they will help, and stick to it; if they abandon you, stop cooking it, put it away and make a sandwich. Choose meat loaf, for example, but don't touch anything, sit down and instruct someone what to do. That's one plan, not necessarily the best, but you get the idea.

Knowing 3 meals a day will be placed in front of them may be the strongest deterrent to their taking some responsibility there is, after a roof and bed.

X2. At every opportunity, make them responsible and hold them accountable. I realize they're coming from bad situations, but they have to participate and they have to pitch in, otherwise they'll turn into grown up toddlers expecting the free ride and you'll be stuck holding the bag. The group project idea is a good one, too. Good luck!
Amy

 

[runsw/scissors]

I gotta agree! Help them help themselves, let them cook! And insist they clean up after themselves each and every time! If hubby doesn't have your back let him sleep with the chickens!!

 

[darkmatter]

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I'm with the idea of running away from home. Why not just give them the house keys and take a "walk-a-bout" vacation for six months with out a phone or other method of being reached. If you're lucky, they will have burned the house down with them in it and you can start over fresh when you come back.

 

[ECBW]

They do not cook or clean and won’t try? That may explain their relationships with their men. It is like men with no JOB and not even trying, and then cry about their women leaving them.

Teach them to be independent and self-reliant, hope that they are receptive. It is a very attractive virtue for both genders. They will then never be victims again.

 

[MommyMagpie]

Nothing to contribute really, except that the advice to expect responsibility and pitching-in is exactly what I would do.

And to the OP, I am 47 and right now I want to run away from home.

 

[chicmom]

OH I FEEL YA! My step daughter has moved back home and she's due on Oct 8th. I got a call from her saying her boyfriend hit her in the head with a pan in the kitchen and knocked her down! So I went and picked her up. She's been home ever since.

I have to tell you it's been WONDERFUL! She moved in with a boy when she was 18, because "She was 18 and she didn't have to listen to us." Now, since she moved back home, she helps clean the house, does her own laundry, she helped me stain the front porch, and in her own words, "I'm so happy to be home, I don't know why I acted like that!"

She's gotten her GED and we've looked into college for her, and she has just done a total turn-a-round with her attitude. I just wanted to share with you a happy story, because, what you're doing is so self-less, and wonderful! Just remember not to let them walk all over you. They've gotta do their share, clean, mow the grass, pay rent--whatever! Make that clear from the beginning, and if you need help, you just say so. Don't just keep silent and get angrier and angrier! Communicate!

Sharon

 

[Carols Clucks]

I am 49 and often want to run away....


I have my 20 year old son and his 19 year old gf living with me. Long story, thought it would be for a weekend...due to her family issues it has been a year and a half.


Pick days that they are in charge of dinner. They can set the table, cook it and clean it up. I would do each of them 2 days a week, you 2 days a week and a shift for yourself night. Lunch is left overs and they have to do their own dishes.

Make sure they have a grocery list they need to purchase, they might not have money-but usually can find cash for hair-nails-cigs-beer-shopping etc, so they can buy some food too.

Show them the utility bills, they each get 1/3rd. Even if they can not pay now, bill them and let them know you expect payment. Keep a running total.

Might sound petty, but they are adults and responsible for the choices they make. They might be making a hard choice now to change their lives, but they have to own that choice as well. Time for them to find their big girl panties and own up.

 

[Two Creeks Farm]

Whats that old saying.....you reap what you sow.

 

[Mattemma]

Help them by teaching them various skills including cooking,cleaning,washing,and yard work! Learning to build things would be great. If there are any programs for abused women enroll them,because there is a strong likelihood they will return to the abuser or date another. Help them to set small goals with the final being on their own and not with an abuser.
Best wishes for you and them.