If you care to hear the rants/troubles of a young adult.

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Hi
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1) I'm 21, married, FT job and FT student. I've been working since I was 13, started with cleaning stalls for more riding time and turned into more then that. So that's where I'm coming from, I grew up with a single mother who got no form of child support, zero. So I had to learn that if I wanted something, I had to get it somehow. Btw I babysit after barn time, so I could buy horse stuff and clothes. My mom didn't know if I was going to graduate, but I don't regret those years. (I did manage to stay at school long enough to graduate lol.)

2) what the heck are you doing BUYING presents? You're young w/ no job, MAKE them! I make presents, I'm 21, why would I spend $100 on gifts when I can make most under $30? Get used to saving money girl, you need to learn now.

3) don't sit there and complain about zero options. Put out a carpool flyer, you may have to get up at 6am and not get home until 8, but heck, you get a job! 20s is about working your butt and getting only work ethic and experience in return. You do not make money, you do not have glitz and glamour, you do not get to breath. That starts in your 30s.

4) there are scholarships, FAFSA, grants and loans to go to school. Tons of options. Seriously, you don't want to to into debt, who does? I'm trying to stay afloat here and borrowed school money from family so it doesn't effect my credit, but I'm in debt along with the rest of them and DO NOT regret it. Im learning and getting an education, nothing beats that.

But first lesson: you are poor, you have no job, save your money and make gifts.
 
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The OP is a smart, STRONG gal... i believe that she'll find a way to work through all of this...
Then we wont ever see her again..she'll be too busy driving around and working and "stuff"...
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yeowch!
yeah, that'd hurt.

did you tell her that? sometimes people don't think before they speak, and I think it's often worse inside families than out.

do you have someone else you can drive with? is there another adult who could work with you? I don't know what your permit rules are, but you might start looking for someone else who will help you learn.

I was out and on my own at 15 because my family was crazy and I didn't want to be that way too. I was too young to even *get* a permit, but I had a bike. tough to make that work in snow country, but I managed because it was better than living in the crazy house. FWIW, I'm terrible at housework too, but I'm a great engineer.

you've got goals, you've got abilities, and from our previous interaction I'm pretty sure you're not afraid to work at things. be creative, find another way to get it done. feel free to PM if I can help.
 
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Seems like a real good idea to me.

Not!!!! for the time, yes it is a way out... but enlisting in the Service is no place for a nice young girl like you. There are better options... I know been there done that...

sounds like you had a bad experience.
I know a number of young women for whom enlisting was an excellent solution... did all that darkmatter said for them. not everyone should enlist, but for many it's a great way out of a less than ideal situation, and brings them a great many benefits, including paying for their education after they're out.
 
No one has mentioned a couple of things yet, so let me contribute.
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- There are private companies that will teach you to drive. Driving schools. Do a little research and see if there is one near you. That might speed up the getting of the drivers license. It is frustrating when you have no transportation.

- College is VERY expensive and getting more so. Before you decide to just head off to college and take on $100,000 in student loans, very carefully consider what you want to do with your future. There are some fields that call for a college degree. You can't get a job without that degree. There are other jobs that are perfectly fine jobs that take no degree.
I just gave a bucket load of money to a fabulous plumber who came and helped me in my time of need. He mentioned that learning to plumb was an apprenticeship thing (no plumbing schools) and that there would soon be a shortage of qualified plumbers because fewer young people were learning the craft. He was here for a day and made $1000 from my project. Probably half of that was spent on materials, but what was left is not too shabby. It was a nasty, dirty, physically hard job that he did and I was grateful to him. I was happy to spend the money because I could not do the job myself and it was a necessity that the job get done. I doubt that he went to college. He said he started working for an old plumber friend of his dad's when he was 16 years old and had been doing it ever since.

I tell you all of that not to encourage you to be a plumber, but to encourage you to think about your future employment options. Choose what you want to be and head that way. Have a one year, a five year and a ten year plan in place. Do all of this BEFORE you pay money for college classes.

College can be a GREAT thing. I taught college for years and hope to one day teach again. It just isn't for everybody. Know where you want to go before you start down the path.


The late teens can be a very difficult time. It is a struggle to make that leap from childhood. Be thoughtful about where you want to go and then aim that way. Good luck.
 
I had a hard time getting driving time from my parents too. Not because they didn't want to. My mom doesn't drive and my dad worked all the time. I took a driver's ed class. It was better with an unrelated adult anyway.

Being willing to bike or walk is important. I started working in the 5th grade delivering papers. Had to ride a bike to do it and rode several miles before I got to my route. Jobs after that I had to walk or bike to. One summer my dad made me go to summer school to retake a class I got a D in. No credit. Because I only took one class I could ride the bus to the school, but had to walk home. Or ride a bike both ways. It was 5 miles in the summer in Florida. Not fun but it taught me a lot. Still had a job I had to get to after that also. Freshman year I also had to walk home every day after school just to participate in a sport. No bus after practice. (remember mom doesn't drive and dad was at work)

Keep a higher education in your thoughts and go out into the world and see what you want to do. Show some responsibility at home and that you are ready for a job and I think you will get some support to make it happen. Go ahead and apply for the job and if you get it you will be motivated to find a way.

My mom, close to retirement age, who never worked and never drove, found a job and walked there and back most days. It wasn't far, less than a mile, but she did it and it gave her a big confidence boost.
 
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I mean the following in the kindest way- please don't take offense:

I'm a mom of two boys. I'm a good mom, very caring. But sometimes we moms can say things that we regret or that we didn't think would come out the way it did. Even if your mom genuinely believes what she said, just throw it out.

Really, throw it out.

Once you get your job and work hard, you will be past this. Forgive her as she has done so much for you. We all make mistakes and you WILL succeed if you keep trying. I too wanted to move away desperately at your age. I chose a two year community college degree to start with and then moved out. I got my Bachelor's later in life.

I love my parents (one deceased now) but when you want your own household it can be hard to wait. If you do want to pursue higher schooling, my advice is to carve out a home in your room that you can be comfortable in as the expenses of having an apartment etc. just wipes out your hard-earned money from a job. And it is exhausting to have to go to school while working so many hours to afford the apartment.

I wish you the best. And your dear mother will be so proud of you even if she won't admit it to you when you are working and on your own.

Also- if you can live at home for awhile and be peaceful with that, then you will be fine. If you simply cannot be peaceful with your family, then my advice would be to find the way to move along to have your own place as soon as possible. But there are many in the world who are in debt and with regrets about that due to a car or apt. when they could have stayed home and saved money.

I was so ready to move out when I was in that two year community college program but I stuck it out and waited until it was over to move. I am glad I did. Things were A LOT more expensive than I ever thought.

So, my advice is to be persistent but gentle in your requests to your mother for transportation to and from your new job. You can even offer to pay for the ride if she wants. I was given access to a car at your age. But maybe she needs gas money to feel comfortable???

You can work it out with her. Do not accept her refusal as the final word. She loves you as you are her blessed daughter and you can persist in your gentle demands for her to help you move on with growing up and out of the home.
 
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I was thinking about your situation today while working at my moms house.

Have you thought about looking for a job taking care of some one kids, particularly a single mom nurse? If there is a hospital in the are, surely they have nurses who work the night shift that need some one to stay with their kids. Over nights are pretty easy, make sure home work is done, they are tucked in bed, lunches made for the next day for any school aged kids and then breakfast in the morning and mom is home again. A nurse would know where to get your CPR training done and probably would be willing to front that money and pick you up from home as well. And they usually only work a 4 day week. That would give you a change to save money and spend some time out of your moms house.

Also, wait til a good time for you mom, not just a good time for you, to ask to talk about your role in the household. Explain that you would like her help with getting a job, that you intend to save money for first driving lessons and second your own car, that you plan on paying for your insurance-gas-repairs-dmv on that car. Ask for a list of what she would like you to do as part of your contribution to the household-chores, make sure you do those things as soon as they need to be done and better than your mom expects. Explain that you would like to be responsible for cooking for one day each week-breakfast-lunch-dinner and that you would like to help plan the meals, for now with moms help since she is paying for the groceries, but in the future, you will be shopping and paying for these items yourself, cleaning up the dishes and the kitchen...etc. You should also consider that rent is usually 25-33 % of your gross pay-before taxes and other deductions, offering that will probably also help her willingness to give you a few rides. Make sure you offer to pay, I think the current rate is .55 cents per mile (round trip for her)


A couple of thoughts from a moms point of view with kids your age:

1. You might be over 18 and your sister too, but as long as your parents names are on the mortgage/rental agreement, they pay the utilities, the food, insurance, medical, toiletries, hair cuts etc. Don't describe your household as including "Three adult women", I realize it might be technically true, but as long as your parents are providing for you, you are two adult children living in your parents home. It is really more than a matter of semantics, not recognizing your moms role can affect how you think you should relate to her.

2. I am guessing your moms reaction was based on how she was feeling about how you are helping in the household, right or wrong. She may feel that she has to ask you to do things several times or that you say I will do it and then vanish to your room. She may also just get tired of waiting for you to do those chores and do them herself. If you recognize that you have done that in the past, now is a good time to change that and start getting chores done first, rather than later.
 

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