If you care to hear the rants/troubles of a young adult.

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I could, but getting into debt is the last thing I want to do.

An education IS the BEST thing you could do for yourself... its never a waste of money! And you get help with living expenses etc..
You will meet people, make friends, and they can help you get your license too! I'm sure there will be jobs with-in walking/biking distence from college...
THIS sounds like a REAL way to get out and get your life started!
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<== Mean mom here

My almost 19 year old son had to ride his bike to work today. It is only a few miles away and the exercise is good for him and I was busy. He should have saved more money and bought a car, but has realized this and now has a nice saving set aside. He also goes to school full time too and often takes the bus right from school to work. There is no direct bus service for him from home to work, it is almost an hour trip requiring 2 transfers to go about 3 miles. He has his permit, but I will not teach him to drive in my stick-shift car, I can't afford a new clutch right now...lol If you want to drive, you are going to need something to drive, maybe your mom has reasons she does not want to give up her car (like it is her car)

I have another son I have refused to teach to drive because he would rather argue with me than listen to me and if am telling him to stop NOW, I mean NOW and not after a discussion of his options. Make sure this is not the reason you do not have access to driving lessons.


If you want to be treated like an adult, you should act like one; don't make your mom be taxi service unless she offers and you pay for the services, ask what is your expected contribution to the household-remember keeping your own room clean is not a household chore-make sure you complete those things with out having to be asked and in a manner better than your mom would like to have them done.

If you do not want to get an education and can't find a way to get yourself to a job, then maybe you should sit down with your parents and ask them for advice for your future. Maybe the military or some other job corps is what you should be considering. Be prepared to have your feelings hurt, they might tell you what you think you need to know and not what you want to hear.


One other thing, if you have no job, why are you on line all day Christmas shopping? Who is paying for that? Maybe that is money that should be spent on driving lessons or a car?
 
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I'd seriously have to agree with Red and Carol here....I've been on the other side of your situation and have found that a child who contributes little at home will also do as little on a job site. Respect and trust are things one earns and I'm sure you've had plenty of chances up til now to do so and your mother is probably the best judge of how that went....most mothers want what's best for their children and try repeatedly to teach good work and living values.

As far as college and incurring debt? Millions do it to get to where they want to be and you have 6 mo. after graduating before you have to start paying back those student loans...enough time to find a job in your chosen profession.

It's been my experience that those who really want change in their lives will do anything to make it happen. I could be off base here, but...sitting at home complaining about the person who is financially supporting you is probably not the best place to start making positive changes in your life.
 
Hopefully you can get into a school or find someway to a job. I walked to my first job at a nursing home a few miles from my place. When I was in college I worked on campus.Later when I got a car I worked off campus and double shifts at a nursing home on the weekend.

Do what you can to move forward. Let your mother know how her comments hurt.You all need to set up a schedule and rules and avoid snipping at each other.Frustrating but the person who works the least outside the home gets stuck with most of the housework. If everyone works and PAYS towards the home expenses then work at home should be equal.Sometimes parents will allow a child to save all their cash so they can get a card and move out.If you keep your income make sure you save it ,and not just blow it on yourself for immediate gratification.

A 1-2 year school that ends with a license or certification is a good option.Things like LPN,PHARMACY tech,and so on. Otherwise work a basic service job and save save save! I did not get a car till I was 21-22.Until then I walked. One job was in a factory, and I got up and walked 3 miles at 4am.Ugh, I hated that job!
 
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Just what planet do you live on to suggest a young girl ride a bike to work? As the father of three daughters I spent many a night worried for their lives. Just for good measure a Cell phone is no longer a luxury. It's a necessity. My DD's car broke down on the highway at night and I'm glad she had her phone. I drove like a mad man to get to her.

Things have changed and apparently some have not noticed it!

She didn't ask for advice but I'll give it anyhow since her mother sounds like mine. Talk to a social worker at school. See if you can get some counseling on how to deal with this situation, before it gets worse. If they decide to talk to your mother then so be it.

Verbal abuse is still abuse, and probably the most common. Period!

I wish you well,

Rancher

Apparently, the same planet as several others on this thread. I have known and known of many young adults, who quite enjoyed the life of coddling and irresponsibility, and parents who catered to it, without complaint. I got a set of cheap suitcases for my highschool graduation present.
 
Student debt is a genuine concern, and a college education does not ensure better pay or an easier time finding a job *if* one graduates. Both my husband and I are double majors, and he especially graduated with high honors, because he is my smart little nerd love.
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We are both finding that we need to go back to school to get higher levels of education in different fields to have anything to show for said education. He is currently pursuing his new profession, and is working a full-time night shift job on top of taking classes in able to afford them without going into massive debt. This is for community college classes, with resident discounts, with a spouse to help pay the bills (I also work full-time), cook/keep up the house/help get things done during his extremely tired zombie state. I will begin my chosen track after he has finished school, secured a job, and accrues some savings. In order to pursue what I want to do, you legally are not allowed to work while taking classes. How I would manage to do that without a spouse and without going so deeply into debt that I'd never get out again is beyond me.
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We've actually had several hard boughts of job searching because we were told we were 'overqualified' for the jobs available, but not qualified enough for the fewer specialty jobs out there. It's pretty bad when Wal-mart won't hire you.
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Several of the professors we know, and some we've simply overheard talking to each other about the subject, have meant that what we will be going back for education wise does not include PhDs in teaching fields. Statistics backup the encouragements we hear from said profs that tenured jobs are not what they used to be, and are steadily in decline.

Basically, it is smart to put student debt as a high priority concern, as well as how likely you are to secure a job in your chosen area of study if going the education route.

To the OP:
Do you have any sort of public transportation available to you? If so, pick the most economic option (usually a yearly pass), and find a job that way. Carpooling is another great options, with you just paying the person who is driving. Cars are expensive to 'feed' and keep maintained. My husband and I share a fuel-efficient model I only recently finished paying off. I bought it in college, and we plan to keep it our entire lives. He does need it to reach his job and classes, but I am able to bus and then walk to work. Better yet, my job is on a campus, so I can just pay a small feel for a yearly bus pass. Campus jobs tend to have better benefits than many other jobs, and you also can often find deals if you ask around (ie. if going through certain phone companies, you get a heavy discount on your phone bill if you study or work on campus). I recommend doing anything you can to first secure a job. My first move would be to a rented studio apartment (one room, usually very affordable) where utilities were at least partially paid for, or to a shared rental (either with other people or a smaller part of someone's house that they have opened up for rent). We haven't had cable in years, and will cut off out internet and phone if needed. We signed up for a local program where the heating company installs and energy saving device on your heating system in return for a lowered heating bill. Cooking yourself keeps food costs down, but even if you are eating ramen, I personally find it better than living in a family environment that is oprressive and draining to your sense of worth. College is a place where many people can connect with other people and really expand themselves (I can't tell you how much college changed me), and I find you have to work harder to really establish and connect with people outside of college in some areas. Anything community oriented often helps tremendously with that. As you've realized, finding someone to help you get your license is key for greater independence as well. I can just say personally that my own family had very strong opinions as to what I should do with my life, whom I should marry, who I shouldn't marry (actually had one parent actively try to separate me from my now husband. We have been together for over 8, very supportive, happy, and deeply rewarding years), what career I should pursue, etc...but I would have been miserable had I continued to follow them. Part of maturing is finding out about yourself and others, and learning what input to take under strong consideration, and what input to discard.

I agree with others that it is time to put Christmas shopping and other expenses on hold, especially if they are being purchased with someone else's income.
 
Okay, I've read through it all and have a thought or 2 that I don't think has been mentioned.

Sometimes it's hard to let go. For your parents, I mean. Sometimes it is hard for them to see and accept that they have another child ready to leave the nest. So they put up all kinds of roadblocks. Sometimes they aren't even aware that they are doing it. They aren't aware that THEY are the ones who are not ready for you to launch into adulthood. Sometimes they are subconsciously angry that you are grown up enough to become independent of them and even leave! Somehow that is not part of the life they imagined for themselves--being old enough to have grown children. After all, their entire adulthood has probably been spent raising you and your siblings and they aren't prepared for that to be coming to an end.

Or sometimes--especially if you've been homeschooled--they get stuck seeing you in a certain way and it is hard for them to revise that vision of you and actually see that you really are on the edge of full-fledged adulthood. (Heck, my son is in his 40s and I STILL have to remind myself that he is a hugely capable adult person!) Like me, they could easily still see you as about age 12! and need help recognizing that you grew out of that person already.

Then there is the part of adulthood that is kinda like the chick popping out of the egg or the butterfly out of the cocoon. Which is to say that when a person is an adult, it's up to them to figure out how to overcome the roadblocks in their lives. Which can take being very inventive. It also means seeing the "glass half full" and not half empty--ie finding positive ways to change things you want changed instead of only seeing the reasons you can't do it, and not feeling like you have to wait for "permission" to change stuff you don't like about your life. A recruiter I met when I first decided to joint the Marine Corps told me something very important about growing up. He said that if you feel a need to ask permission from your parents and get their approval to do something, you probably aren't adult enough to be doing that thing yet. From here at the other end of my life, I can tell you how right that observation is.

And, finally, the person who controls the purse strings is ultimately in control of your life. If you want to be in control of your own life, you HAVE to make your own money. An "allowance" is not really yours. It comes with conditions and keeps you at someone else's mercy.

JMO, as always!


Rusty
 
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Have you thought about enlisting in the Service?

It's a way out, an education of more then academics, a steady paycheck, introduction to many different cultures home and possibly abroad. Learn discipline for yourself, a trade, a life style.


P.S. And you'll learn something to really whine about.
 

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