I'm a new mother and going out of my mind! help!

[SarahF]

I have a 5 month old little girl, Avery, and she has been Colic since 3 weeks old. She has NEVER slept through the night, and woke up every2 hours for the first 4 months.

When she'd wake up at night, you didnt want to do anything to fully wake her up, just roll over and feed her (breast fed). So, we resorted to letting her sleep with us, because of how often she was waking up. This way, I could easily get her back to sleep, and get some sleep myself. Now, she wakes up every 3-4 hours, and started to sleep in her crib. That lasted about one week, and than I fell down my back steps and couldn't walk well. I kept her in bed to make it easier for myself. Since then, when she wakes up, she kicks her legs like crazy and is sooo gassy. I believe she is teething now.

SO, she's back in bed with us.

I'm seriously going out of my mind. When she is awake, sometimes all you can do to soothe her is to hold her, talk to her, play with her...so nothing gets done around the house. Then when she does sleep, all I want to do is sit and relax, and try to get stuff done around the house.

What am I doing wrong?!? I'm so close to a break down, I know it. I'm so exhausted. My DH works 40+ hours a week and than two nights a week on top of that. He is stopping the two nights a week at the end of the summer he says. I'm expected to have the house tidy (he knows it won't be spick and span, but he expects it tidy) and make dinner every night. Not just fish and chips either, it has to be meat and potatos. He knows that if its fish and chips, its been a really bad day! We've been married for 2 years and I'm just going out of my mind.

The worst thing is, she can be really great some days and really bad others. She is typically good when he is home and that makes me look like a liar.

She is eating one teaspoon Rice Cereal at lunch and the same at night. I've tried formula for dinner, that doesn't make any difference. I've tried increasing the cereal, and that just constipates her. I'm considering stopping breat feeding at 6 months, in hopes that the entire day of formula will fill her up enough to sleep the night.

What do I do about her gassyness. She kicks and kicks her legs sometimes and does this gruntting cry like she's trying to push. I'm not eating anything funny and have one to two cups of coffee a day. I'm almost considering taking her to the doctor!

What am I doing wrong?

(sorry to sound so stupid, but i'm desperate now!)

 

[arlee453]

I'd try calling a lactation consultant. It may be she is reacting to something in your diet. Dairy/milk products are common causes. If she does have issues with something in diet, formula will likely make the problem worse, not better.

Sometimes babies are just more high needs than others. I highly recommend the book by Dr Sears on the subject:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050100.asp

http://www.amazon.com/Fussy-Baby-Book-Parenting-High-Need/dp/0316779164

There is nothing wrong with having your baby in the bed with you. Obviously it is what she needs right now. Breastfed babies need to eat more often. Even at 5 months, they are rarely sleeping through the night (and that goes for many formula fed babies also) The 'myth' that babies are supposed to sleep through the night by 3 months of age is just that - a myth. While some babies DO sleep well at that age, many, and I'd venture to say at least half to most DON'T.

Finally, it is unrealistic to expect you to be a good and responsive mom to a high-needs baby AND to have a well groomed house. Just....won't....happen... on a regular basis. You have to decide what is more important - a happy baby who is getting her needs met or a clean house.

Good luck!

 

[mommy9994]

She sounds a lot like my lactose intolerant/dairy allergic babies. Have you taken ALL dairy out of your diet? That includes non-dairy creamer (non-dairy, yeah right, it has dairy!) Check labels very carefully if you eat any processed foods-- dairy is very sneaky. If it is just her tummy, I'd say she's prob. lactose intolerant, and not allergic (does she have any skin rashes?).

I've had someone tell me that she gives her baby a drop of liquid lactaid before nursing. I don't know if you can get that in the US or not, she's in Canada.

 

[Katy]

My granddaughter (also named Avery by the way!!) was basically allergic to her momma's milk and when they switched her to soy formula her gassiness and sleep habits changed completely. She became a very happy easy going baby instead of one that always had a tummy ache. It was so hard on her momma to give up the breast feeding but they couldn't pinpoint what if anything she was eating that was causing it.

 

[SarahF]

When we started giving her formula, she wouldn't be able to keep several feedings down afterwards. We finally found that Enfamil Gentle Ease stayed down...so we were worried about her being lact. intollerant before. I did cut dairy out for a month, but it wasn't doing anything different for her...just made my legs sore from lack of calcium (now i'm taking extra calcium vitamins). Is there a way the doctor can find out if she is lactose intollerant/allergic?

 

[pdsavage]

It also sounds like you need a break.is there any family member who will watch her so you can get so alone time?My first baby had colic.I didnt have help and almost went out of my mind.i was a young mother of only 18.The one thing they never tell young mothers is how tough it can be.And that some times you wont want to be around your baby especialy if they have colic.Its ok,but you need a break realy you do.Now here is the hard part tell your husband that your tired and at your breaking point and untill you get enough sleep he needs to not say a word about supper or the house.
Let him get mad about it,your sanity and the baby are more inportant then if heaven forbid the dishes dont get washed.
We know you love your baby more than anything,But you also have to take care of you also.
he needs to be willing to help you work 40 + also.you are under alot of mental strain so stop trying to make everything perfect and get a family member to watch her and be free.

 

[Linda in San Diego]

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My first child was VERY colicy too. I found myself simply rocking him during those bouts and crying because there was nothing I could do. It ended as suddenly as it started after about 4 months, but those were 4 of the longest months in my life. I had no idea that it might be the milk and cheese products that I was eating that could have been making him cry. Once he was on solids we quickly found out that he could not tolerate any milk products - even if a cookie only had whey in it he had a reaction. So all the time I was "eating well" and nursing him I was giving him breast milk that may have been making him worse. We did use soy formula because his half sister was allergic to milk, but we were never advised about my dairy intake.

Best wishes, the colic will stop eventually but it is hard.

Cosleeping is fine, my kids all slept with us to some extent and eventually they didn't, it was no big issue.

Meat and potatos - you need to get a bunch of good crock pot recipes collected and use the crock pot. It will make life easier for meal prep. If you plan things out you can get a few meals from one day's crockpot cooking. I will look for something to post here.

Take care, get a grandma or auntie (ok, with the right ones it could be a grandpa or uncle) to come by and take an hour or two for yourself to soak in a tub and relax. Soff music and lavendar scents!

 

[summerwindsfarm]

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My oldest did this. He nursed every 2 hours around the clock. Finally my pediatrician insisted that i put him on a bottle. So, being a new mother, i did. Then he refused to nurse and took a bottle every 2 hours around the clock! Soo much more hassle. He simply had a high metabolism..and still does. I know they tell you to wait til the baby is 5 months old to start solids.. but some babies just need it sooner. Ive raised 2 sons, and dozens of day care kids, and am now helping raise my grandson. At 5 months shes old enough for a little cereal before bedtime. If the rice is bothering her use oatmeal. If the cereal constipates her mix it with a little bit of apple juice. If shes gaining weight normally i would avoid adding any formula to her diet. Breast milk and some solids should be enough if the problem is hunger. Formula is more likely to cause an upset tummy than to help one.

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Trust your instincts and do whats easiest for you and lets you cope the best. Can you put her crib near your bed so that you can nurse her and then tuck her back into bed? Does she have a lovie to help soother back to sleep when she wakes up?

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This is sooo normal. When she sleeps..kick back and take a nap, read a book, watch some tv. YOU need that time. If hubby doesnt like a quick dinner then he can cook it himself. You have a full time job and if you dont take care of YOU then you wont be able to take care of him OR her. If you dont already have a baby swing..get one. They are lifesavers for colicy babies. Preston, my grandson, also started playing in an excersaucer at about your daughters age. They are AWESOME.

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Have you had a recent check up for yourself? If your iron levels are low you'll be physically and mentally exhausted no matter what. Dont discount postnatal depression even this late in the game. If your feeling depressed as well as tired..make a docs apt. Its hard for your body to readjust to being not pregnant. Lot of hormone shifts in there. I had delayed postnatal depression with my oldest..and it was hell. So if you feel like your struggling more than you should be emotionally..make a docs apt. Most of all take time for YOU. It is NOT easy to take care of a little one..esp a colicy little one. My youngest had severe asthma from 6 months on so i know what all those sleepless nights can do to you. Sleep deprivation can cause a lot of problems. Forget dh and the house and nap when that baby naps.

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Yeah they are good at that lol. There are a couple of reasons for that. 1. you are more relaxed and the more relaxed you are the more content the baby is and 2. men have more body heat than women do. A colicy baby often sooths when held with something warm on their tummy. If shes really colicy try a towel heated in the dryer or laying her on your bare belly..tummy to skin.

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Unless your really under producing milk, which is unlikely, changing to formula is more likely to increase your problems not solve them.

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Trust your gut. If you think theres a physical problem dont hesitate to take her! Im assuming that shes going for well baby check ups anyways? If not..then definitely make her an apt. Babies can have problems digesting fat, that will make them very gassy and colicy. If there are food allergies in your family i would try avoiding common food allergy triggers yourself.. like milk, soy, artificial sweeteners, etc.. and see if that doesnt help her coliciness.

Most of all enjoy her. Those baby days pass alll too fast! On a bad day..just tell yourself..this too shall pass. If your hubby has problems with your taking care of you and the baby instead of him..just send him to me..i'll straighten him out <grin>.

 

[Katy]

I would like to add I've always thought it would be so much easier if we could start out with our 2nd or 3rd child. Babies can feel our stress levels and they feed off that. When you're a first time mom it's stressful and it's a vicious circle. My own were totally breastfed for the first 6 months and they really very rarely slept through the night so I agree that's not so unusual. Good luck with findling what works for her....and you

 

[Wildsky]

My daughter was like that - she'd wake every night and scream for a few hours and there was NOTHING we could do to calm her.....

I took her to a chiropractor when she was two weeks old, she was adjusted, and that was the FIRST night she slept without waking up to SCREAM her head off. We did have to take her back to be adjusted again two days later - and after that - it NEVER happened again!!!

She did sleep with us for a LONG time, I just don't mind sharing my bed. She slept with us for probably a year or longer..... I nursed her till she was 3 years old.

Shes almost 5 years old now and the fun has REALLY started.

(All my kids go to the chiropractor - my son went ALOT as an infant as his hips were a little messed up from being FOOTLING BREECH.)