I'm a new mother and going out of my mind! help!

[purr]

sorry I'm tired and snippy, going to bed
un

 

[Beekissed]

:aww Get some good rest, Purr! I'm a little snippy myself tonight! Sweet dreams!

 

[go-veggie]

We all can only do the best we can with our children. Our opinions and experiences vary greatly, but we are all out for the same goal...to raise wonderful children! I've had my days of going out into the yard to get away while my colicky baby screamed for no apparent reason after I tried anything and everything to calm him, and I have held them, embraced co-sleeping and picked them up the second they started to cry too. I've been on both sides of this with my 2 and 4 year old, and the bottom line is that each mommy does what is best at the time for her & her baby. All I can say is to trust yourself and listen with open ears, and use the advice you can and set the rest aside. As I said in my earlier post too, bring that stroller in the house! It is a great way to keep baby with you while you get laundry and other household things done. I did it with both of my kids along with slings and baby backpacks, and it just helped me get more done while still keeping them close. When they'd eventually fall asleep, I'd push it into our bedroom so they could get a good nap in. (it's also a great way to sneak an uplifting, refreshing shower...even if they are crying, they will be safe strapped in tight while you take a few minutes for yourself...park that stroller right in the bathroom with you---play peek-a-boo with the shower curtain and sing as loud as you can!!!!!) Best wishes to everyone...

 

[snowydiamonds]

I raised five kids all on breastmilk and never understood how or why some women could not. That all changed with my fifth, she was lactose intolerant and it took my DH's neice only one look and she saw my girl's bulging belly, drawn up knees, bow legs to tell me very kindly I should try Soy formula. I did, and that 19 y/o girl/woman still loves her Soy. It was a long three months of painful breastfeeding her, with mastitis and no doctor helping at any of the doctor visits I made. Just told me to soak myself w/hot packs or cold packs which did no good at all.

All five of my babies slept w/me. I had to make meals for myself and kids so I canned moose meat and fish so it'd be a quick meal as young children are very hungry once they realize it so if you're to have a happy child, they need instant feeding and the DH was no help except when he left to find comfort in other women's company.

Sleep when they sleep, wake when they wake, their world is now your world and no one was made to be a robot and follow a manmade schedule. Those 5 minute naps are called POWER naps and can really charge you for as long as the baby is awake, then sleep again when the babe is sleeping. Animals in the wild do it this way and it works.

I also packed my kids on my back, used a swing in the room I was in, and the most wonderful thing since I had no man to help was my dogs. Both of those dogs would lie down next to the babies and keep the babies warm and protected while the baby would take a hand and play with the dog's hair while I hurried thru a quick meal preparation, take a bit of time w/the baby and then the dog helped again while I washed the dishes.

I look at pics now from those hard times and I was skin and bones, calouses I thought were permanently etched on my knees, pulled a wagon with the lil ones and the groceries to the store and home again, and what I see in those pics are happy kids, happy dogs, and a clean house- so clean it looks boring...but I was trying to meet my mother's expectations that I grew up with, "appearances are everything" was and is her motto.

My motto is "happiness is everything" and "when the going gets tough, the tough get going" since I had no one to help me, I had to do it, and I wanted the kids happy, we were happy.

I had a younger friend who was raising kids who always complained to me, daily, "I just NEED a BREAK!" Well, she got a nice long break when she got colon cancer and died. She left six children behind.

Try enjoying every moment, your house is your den, feel comfortable within your den and with your babe. See if your area has a kindergym where mothers and their children can meet and support each other while the kids play. Some mothers take advantage of chatting too much and ignore their children but believe me, all of us mothers felt at one time or another we desperately needed another adult to speak to and share times with as all we were chatting to 24-7 was children LOL.

You know you need to make changes in your routine when you begin baby talking to anyone other than babies...Big Hugs, a lot of us have been there and done that and we are survivors with happy children, you will be, too.

edited to correctly type my fifth child's age, no glasses on, having a fight w/shingles near my eye, got shingles when that same fifth child only got one chicken pox on her ankle and then when chicken pox went around again, she, my MIL and myself all got shingles...I'd had chicken pox as a child, too.

 

[joebryant]

My wife and I were both teachers, and we both had lots of "child psychology" courses when we were in college. In fact, we were "experts" on how all of our friends, parents of students, relatives should raise their children. Then one day my son was born, and for some strange reason we couldn't remember any of that stuff. A year later our daughter was born, and we ended up raising our two ad lib (whatever seemed good at the moment). Ours got their rearends swatted when they needed it. Sometimes they were given something to cry about when they wanted to cry with hopes of getting their way. Anne and I made a lot of mistakes raising them, and we don't care because we survived by NEVER allowing them to run the show or drive us nuts. "Child psychology" is something you have to be careful with, especially when your child is using it on you. PUT YOURSELF FIRST; the kid will be better off and so will you.

 

[CATRAY44]

What wonderful support and encouragement you all offer Sarah! I bet it helps just knowing you aren't alone and there are safe, supportive people here to talk/vent/ listen to. I think we (sadly) sometimes need permission to choose the way that makes for peace- which may not look anything like what the 'experts' say. I remember just simple things like using paper plates etc.,helped so much to free up my time- something my mom would NEVER have use, lol. Housework will keep and one day things will be back in order. I think the encouragement people gave you to trust yourself is really good. I remember someone telling me to just remember, they will be feeding themselves, sleeping alone and potty trained by the time they are 18!

It doesn't have to happen on everyone elses schedule. You know what is best for you and your baby. There is a lot of support and encouragement for moms on the La Leche Legue website...

http://www.llli.org/

This page, in particular might be of interest to you.

Lactose Intolerance, Diarrhea, and Allergy
Maryelle Vonlanthen, MD http://www.llli.org/ba/Nov98.html

Bless you all!!

 

[Beekissed]

You know, my dad was one of those guys who expected Mom to have the house spotless and a meal on the table when he came home from work! They had 9 kids......I repeat, 9 kids!!!! Mom would keep us outside, clean all day until he came home and saw the house was clean, then we were able to come back in! Mostly we were so busy playing we didn't want to come back in. Mom is now 74 years old and finally gets to play cards and board games with MY children. She has always criticized her children's housekeeping skills, but she finally admitted, if she had to do it all over again, "I would have worried less about the house and more about playing games with my kids!"

My house is reasonably clean and I like things to be neat, but having fun with my kids, getting to know them as people.....well, that is priceless. My boys are my best friends, all tall and strong, and I wouldn't have traded our love for all the clean houses in the world!

 

[jkcove08]

Oh man, that reminds me of when I first met my ex in laws... We went over for dinner and my ex mother in law fixed her hubbies plate and any time he wanted something to drink he would just hold his glass up in the air... I was flabergasted to say the least. Well we started fixing our plates and of course she fixed his first. Then my at the time boyfriend said "Fix my plate woman".. I turned to him and told him to fix his own d%^n plate, I wasnt his maid!!!! From that day forward my ex father in law fixed his own plate of food, at least when we were there. He would still hold up his glass and she would fill it but that was one step for the better when she didnt fix his plate for him.. I keep a decent house, fix 95% of the meals and manage to get some good time with my children, of course I am also a stay at home mom so that helps. You definately have to have some time for yourself but deep down you will know what is right in your heart!!!! Jenn

 

[joebryant]

Quote:

WELL SAID!
And if you can't have that with your kids, why have kids!

 

[snowydiamonds]

IMPORTANT!! The main reason I posted the other day was because (and I forgot this part!) when your legs cramp up!!! You do NOT need more calcium for cramps, you need SUGAR, in any form but more calcium will mean more cramps. Fruit provides natural sugar, its good for you and the babe, I used to believe in an apple a day or a banana. And when your legs cramp, SLOWLY point the tip of your toes towards your head, lying down or standing, doesn't matter, but do it slowly. Hold the toe part of your foot aiming for your head and then when you feel the cramp leaving, again, slowly let your toes fall back in a natural postion. I don't know if I should say your foot or toes but aim the toes part of your foot toward your heart or head, the cramp will release. Eat fruit for the sugar and no more cramps...sorry I forgot to mention this sooner, I'm home sick w/shingles (chicken pox virus).