Instant 12 year old boy! Family/rules advice please?

[booker81]

Wellll....I may have spoken too soon.

He wants to come back and try again. He really doesn't want to go to the new school, and he wasn't sure if we would let him come back - of course we will!

Now, to try and help him with homesickness - we can't replace his family, but I have to think back (and probably read) about how to make it easier since we know it's a problem.

We had some good chats - he likes to read, and I got out a few books he would like - he left them here, but they'll be waiting. He also likes science and we talked about his class and what he's learning. He's in some sort of class where they do their homework each day at school, so he doesn't come home with anything, but I do try to carry the conversation on and have him talk about what he's learning. He's quiet, but he really opens up if you give him an ear.

We'll see how it goes on this round

 

[nuchickontheblock]

Can he see his family regularly for visits, or are they too far away? Perhaps if he brought a few things that are familiar from home to keep in his room that would help? Sometimes just having something of his mom's in his room as a comfort thing might do the trick.

Sounds like he is a good kid, so whatever happens, at least you all will know that you gave him a different chance. He'll remember that and it will be meaningful for him in the future.

 

[chicknfun]

You could set aside 2-3 chicks that can be "his" and he can care for them and raise them, and you will not process those. As for an allowance, I never did that with my child. If he expressed the desire for something, then I would give him extra chores to do to earn it. I don;t really believe in paying a kid for stuff he should do anyways. Life isn't free and chores are expected. No one hands me money for nothing as an adult, so why do that for a kid?

Also, I never ever forced my child to eat something. If he chose not to finish his dinner, he simply got nothing else to eat until morning. I also never made him eat something he didn't like. We always had an agreement for him to try it and if he didn't like he didn't have to eat it. I believe this is the reason now, the kid will try ANYTHING at a restaurant or someones home. Because we never forced him to eat anything, he grew making good choices. He always preferred a salad instead of fries and to this day he doesn't use mayo or salt on his food.

I guess I did that ONE thing right LOL! Kids are hard.

I also raised my kids in this manner regarding food! It worked well for me, and them, as now they are very good eaters and make fairly healthy choices!
We also used the same rule about not finishing their food. I think I got that from my Grandma (who raised me), who had lived during the depression and stated that there were times that they didn't know if there would be enough food tomorrow, so they better eat what they had today.

I think that all of the advice given here is very good! I only had one boy, and he is the oldest of my 4 children.

The thing that I would like to add, is that although many people feel that they should not have to explain adult reasoning to a child, i did with my kids. When they did something they shouldn't have, or just made a bad choice, I always tried to explain why I reacted to them in a particular manner, or made a certain decision on punishment, etc. I found early on that if they understood my reasoning, they generally: 1. had more respect for my decision, and 2. actually learned why what they did was wrong, and why not to do it again.
Every incident, positive or negative, can be turned into a great learning experience for a child, and sometimes for the adult as well. I have always taught my kids that in general, if you give respect, you will get that in return, no matter who you are dealing with or what their age. Of course, there is always that one person out there that is just unhappy anyway, and not able to show respect for others, but with this approach, most children can even learn to deal with people like that respectfully.
Children learn by example, and if you give them a good foundation, they can build their life around that and become decent adults! Teach them that they have choices in their actions, and there are surely consequences to all choices, good or bad, and they will mostly try to make the good variety!

Good luck, and i think it is awesome that you are willing to take on this young man so that his life is not disrupted again!
That is a very loving gesture that he will probably always be thankful for.

 

[ange92040]

Wellll....I may have spoken too soon.

He wants to come back and try again. He really doesn't want to go to the new school, and he wasn't sure if we would let him come back - of course we will!

Now, to try and help him with homesickness - we can't replace his family, but I have to think back (and probably read) about how to make it easier since we know it's a problem.

We had some good chats - he likes to read, and I got out a few books he would like - he left them here, but they'll be waiting. He also likes science and we talked about his class and what he's learning. He's in some sort of class where they do their homework each day at school, so he doesn't come home with anything, but I do try to carry the conversation on and have him talk about what he's learning. He's quiet, but he really opens up if you give him an ear.

We'll see how it goes on this round

Maybe if he is able to call his parents everyday to tell them how his day went will help with the homesickness, I know when I spent the first Summer alone at my Grandma's I got homesick but I got better when I was able to call my parents and tell them all of my adventures. And as nuchickontheblock said if he is able to bring in some of his personal things and maybe even a pictures of his family would help too. Good Luck

 

[zookeeper15133]

Could you and his parents get web cams? You can buy inexpensive ones on Ebay ($10). That might go a long way to help homesickness.

 

[ange92040]

So how is your nephew doing? Still with ya?

 

[booker81]

Nope, he still can't decide. Oh well - the door is open, but we can't drag him through