Is it cruel to ask your parents to move out???
- Thread starter SAM1646
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- #32
Please do not get me wrong I love my parents and I dont want anything to come between us just need a happy meidum and some peace in the house with out the drama and the stress.
I would miss them if there gone but soemetimes I think that I should have let them get a apartment and there would have never been a issue. My husband warned me I hope that you know what you doing?
I hat eto admit that he was right but maybe I should have listened back in the day
I would miss them if there gone but soemetimes I think that I should have let them get a apartment and there would have never been a issue. My husband warned me I hope that you know what you doing?
I hat eto admit that he was right but maybe I should have listened back in the day
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Well I guess from the sounds of it you could pay em off one last time so they can move. Help them find somewhere they can afford, front them the money for down payment and such, help them pack up and out they go. It really depends on relationships but it sounds like the relationship is more like parent to teenager and you are ready for them to re spread their wings and hop out of the nest. ( parent to teenager comes from words like spoiled and compliant, I could be wrong but just reading between the lines a bit)
I think if thats the plan you should be prepared for your relationship with them to change considerably but if you and the hubby are at this point the relationship is probably not doing great anyway. Communication is really key to this whole family living together thing. If communication is broken or the relationship is just not there....well it makes it impossible eventually. It is your home and your family but you need to look at this decision with open eyes. For every action there is a reaction. How things are handled affects relationships long term. So you can't expect to make changes and not see changes in the relationship. Life just does not work that way. You and the hubby need to make the decision, follow through with it and just be realistic in what the outcome will be. Think about what outcome you want, come up with the plan, and then make the changes. Good luck
I think if thats the plan you should be prepared for your relationship with them to change considerably but if you and the hubby are at this point the relationship is probably not doing great anyway. Communication is really key to this whole family living together thing. If communication is broken or the relationship is just not there....well it makes it impossible eventually. It is your home and your family but you need to look at this decision with open eyes. For every action there is a reaction. How things are handled affects relationships long term. So you can't expect to make changes and not see changes in the relationship. Life just does not work that way. You and the hubby need to make the decision, follow through with it and just be realistic in what the outcome will be. Think about what outcome you want, come up with the plan, and then make the changes. Good luck
I think I would go rent an apartment and then say "look mom and dad, Merry Christmas" or I'd move in it myself and say see ya!
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This whole thing is sad--really sad if you think about how its the night before Thanksgiving and you are thinking about/wanting to kick your parents out. Makes me sad for your whole family.
Renee
This whole thing is sad--really sad if you think about how its the night before Thanksgiving and you are thinking about/wanting to kick your parents out. Makes me sad for your whole family.
Renee
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Family counciling or mediation is definitely in order.
You, the parents, set the overall bounds for your kids. In their own space, grandparents can slightly alter some of the rules that pertain to their space. For example, the grands might allow the kids to make a mess without cleaning everything up when that activity is complete, while YOU may require that they clean up after every activity. Grands may require that they sit at the table while eating, while you allow them to sit in front of the TV. Things that affect overall health or deeply held concerns are set by parents, and should be upheld by all adults who care for the kids. It is fine to have "rules for grandma's house" that are not a complete match with "rules for home." But some universal rules will always apply.
As for telling you how to take care of your chickens, gift them with a small flock of their own, that they may raise as they see fit, but make sure to tell them that you no longer want to hear about what YOU should or should not do in caring for your own flock.
Likewise, you really need to separate their lives from yours. They need outside activities and interests, not to be living as perpetual guests.
If they gave you $17K to convert your basement into an apartment for them to live in, what would you do with it after they move out? Rent the apartment to someone? Convert it back for use by your family? Save it as a place for them to stay when they visit? How you answer that will help guide you to an equitable answer.
Family counciling or mediation is definitely in order.
You, the parents, set the overall bounds for your kids. In their own space, grandparents can slightly alter some of the rules that pertain to their space. For example, the grands might allow the kids to make a mess without cleaning everything up when that activity is complete, while YOU may require that they clean up after every activity. Grands may require that they sit at the table while eating, while you allow them to sit in front of the TV. Things that affect overall health or deeply held concerns are set by parents, and should be upheld by all adults who care for the kids. It is fine to have "rules for grandma's house" that are not a complete match with "rules for home." But some universal rules will always apply.
As for telling you how to take care of your chickens, gift them with a small flock of their own, that they may raise as they see fit, but make sure to tell them that you no longer want to hear about what YOU should or should not do in caring for your own flock.
Likewise, you really need to separate their lives from yours. They need outside activities and interests, not to be living as perpetual guests.
If they gave you $17K to convert your basement into an apartment for them to live in, what would you do with it after they move out? Rent the apartment to someone? Convert it back for use by your family? Save it as a place for them to stay when they visit? How you answer that will help guide you to an equitable answer.
If it were me, I would talk to my parents about my need for more privacy. I would tell them that I am feeling glad that I was able to help, but wishing that I could have time alone with my husband and children.
I would ask them if there is any way they could find their own place. But I would be absolutely clear that I would NEVER force them to leave.
And the $17,000- I would return it to them. They obviously feel that it should be returned to them. And they are your parents.
Bottom line is- if *I* were old and frail, I would want a home offered to me as a last resort. So I would gladly do it for my parents.
BUT- they probably don't realize how frustrated you are.
A happy home cannot exist where there is overcrowding and discord. There must be a place where they can afford the rent?
I would ask them if there is any way they could find their own place. But I would be absolutely clear that I would NEVER force them to leave.
And the $17,000- I would return it to them. They obviously feel that it should be returned to them. And they are your parents.
Bottom line is- if *I* were old and frail, I would want a home offered to me as a last resort. So I would gladly do it for my parents.
BUT- they probably don't realize how frustrated you are.
A happy home cannot exist where there is overcrowding and discord. There must be a place where they can afford the rent?
I totally agree with Son. Silkies...FAMILY COUNSELING is in order. Your husband is feeling frustrated/resentful, you're feeling frustrated and caught in the middle, and your parents, especially your mom, have got to be going through a ton of emotions. The boundary issues sound intense. Do you have the kind of relationship where you can sit down and have a civil conversation about how you're feeling?? A counselor could help guide/facilitate that.
It's obvious that you care for your folks, after all you've done for them. So I can't see how you could ask them to leave without helping them into their new situation financially, whether you technically owe it or not. I hope things work out for the best for you and your family...
It's obvious that you care for your folks, after all you've done for them. So I can't see how you could ask them to leave without helping them into their new situation financially, whether you technically owe it or not. I hope things work out for the best for you and your family...
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- #40
Im not angry or resentful of them in any way. I would be happy to offer them the money that they put into the basement as soon as I have it again. I would leave their bedroom as is and utilize the rest of the basement for my family.
I had the money at the time to help them so I did. I had the money at the time to help my brother so I did. But times have changed ecomnomy stinks and they are aware of that, but that being said. I really feel that If I did have another sit down, which I have had in the past, it turns out that Im the bad guy and did I know how much they have done for me.
I know if the roles were reversed they would have given me the shirt off there back, but as my parents they would also tell me to find my way eventually. I cant say that to my parents without a blow out. Its a mother daughter thing I guess.
I guess I just needed to hear a another opition from someone that is not in my loop and hope that they like tennessee and stay down their with my brother for at least six months out of the year. I could live with that!!!
I know that my kids would have a hard time with out them around, even though my husband would be doing the happy dance LOL!!!
Have a Great Thanksgiving to all that had advice for me!!!!
I had the money at the time to help them so I did. I had the money at the time to help my brother so I did. But times have changed ecomnomy stinks and they are aware of that, but that being said. I really feel that If I did have another sit down, which I have had in the past, it turns out that Im the bad guy and did I know how much they have done for me.
I know if the roles were reversed they would have given me the shirt off there back, but as my parents they would also tell me to find my way eventually. I cant say that to my parents without a blow out. Its a mother daughter thing I guess.
I guess I just needed to hear a another opition from someone that is not in my loop and hope that they like tennessee and stay down their with my brother for at least six months out of the year. I could live with that!!!
I know that my kids would have a hard time with out them around, even though my husband would be doing the happy dance LOL!!!
Have a Great Thanksgiving to all that had advice for me!!!!
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