Is There Anybody Else Here With Aspberger's Syndrome?

[Beekissed]

From everything I've read, Aspies lack development of the part of the brain that allows self-analysis, so trying to persuade them that something is different about them and that they show autistic tendencies is very hard. I've also read that, depending on the severity, some Aspies can adapt to societal norms if they train theirselves to be very observant of typical reactions in social situations and then try to mimic an appropriate reaction.

I didn't think my son would ever admit he had Asperger's and it was so hard to deal with some of his symptoms...but then something happened in the last few years. He is adapting, changing and maturing for most of the time with only the rare relapse into Aspie-like reactions to unfair situations at work, home, etc.

I can now carry on a normal conversation with him and he is delightful to be around. He has held the same job for almost a year now without any big blow-ups, firings, lay-offs. He has dated the same girl for 3 years now and they are now engaged. He is enrolled in a nursing program and is doing wonderful...seems to have found his calling. Inside I am doing cartwheels, jumping for joy and singing at the top of my lungs!

There is hope! Prayer and consistency seems to be the best treatment for his level of Asperger's and I thank God for his realization that he has a problem and his willingness to learn to adapt.

 

[EweSheep]

I hope my daughter will follow similar to your son's calling.....I am sure it will be a long shot but worth trying! She has her "meltdowns" and she still does "impatience" and "defiant" attitude. It is going to take another week for her medications to really kick in about another week. Such struggle she is having!

 

[annaraven]

Quote:
May I ask how old he is? I see development spurts like this with my teenage aspie but he's still got a ways to go.

 

[Beekissed]

He is 25. I must admit that I never thought I would see this level of maturity and development of coping mechanisms from him. I believe that his attempts to grow stronger in the Christian faith had the most to do with it and also the loyal love of this nice girl. She loved him when he was hindered by this and has been patient while he tried to adjust to living normally...and I think he tries harder because he loves her so much and he wants to be a better man for her. Right now he is striving to know more about Jesus Christ and learning to live on faith and it is inspiring to watch him grow in this. I'm very proud of him!

 

[geebs]

I too have a teenage son with Aspbergers.... He was diagnosed late and we were in "crisis" mode by then... He is now doing quite well at 17 and is starting to put the pieces together socially. He too loves the Lord and strives for a good relationship... Prayer and time is a big part of the scenario for our house as well. Peace and quiet and consistancy are helping us stride forward. I can finally see a future for my son that not too many short years ago felt impossible. I didn't find it difficult at all for him to recieve the news of his Aspy life.... He found it a refreshing answer to his problems and really worked hard at making the necessary adjustments to fit in.. There was of course times of resentment and denial but they were few and far between.... For him deviating from what worked brought about immediate consequences that drove the point home. I. E... too much crowd (like a concert) caused him to fall asleep and get lost.... He would immediatly recognize this as not something most ppl do... The tired lingered for more than 24 hours... He would reflect during that time... We call it a social hangover.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

At what age do you tell your son that he has Asperger's?

My son is 10, his younger brother is 7. My Aspie son has been getting violent with his siblings. He doesn't seem to be able to "work it out" so when things don't go his way or they want to stop playing but he doesn't he gets physical with them. He will block them and try to physically keep them there instead of trying to reason with them.

I spoke with my 7 yr. old yesterday and explained that his brother was different. He's a bright boy but of course I put it in terms that he could understand. I felt it necessary to tell him because he was feeling unloved due to the differences in the way we handle my 10 yr. old and the way we handle our 7 and 5 year old.

A story: We were helping a friend with her animals while they were away. One dog came up to the kids growling, trying to jump up to them (a little min. poodle). My 7 yr. old was terrified, stopped in his tracks and yelled for help.
When the dog did the same to my 10 yr. old I warned him to not let the dog get in his face. His response: He's just trying to talk to me. He wants me to give him the lov'ins. He has no sense of fear when it comes to people or
animals...he just doesn't see that they can be dangerous.

 

[annaraven]

Tell him now. Don't tell him in a sad, tragic, or you're broken, way. Just tell him you discovered that there's other people like him and that they're called Aspies. Tell him about all the brilliant people who have been Aspies: Thomas Edison, Einstein, etc. If you don't know about them - check out this list. Aspergers does have some negatives, but so does being neurotypical. And there are a lot of benefits to Aspergers. Being able to understand animal body language better than human body language is pretty common for Aspies. That's why Dr. Temple Grandin is so awesome in her work with cattle.

Keep in mind - he already knows he's different. Everyone at school has probably been telling him he's weird, for years. So at least this way, he's got the correct label for what's going on, and he can be aware of and proud of his differences and learn more about the positives, and learn workarounds and accommodations for the negatives. I'm on Aspie boards and the people posting there overwhelmingly have said that they were glad to find out and were angry when people tried to withhold that information from them.

 

[Knock Kneed Hen]

Thank you annaraven for answering this question. I've asked so many times and have been told to tell him at some point, which I assumed meant when he's older. He's adopted (along with his siblings) and we've always been open about that. It's a fact, like he has brown eyes and likes origami. Now I guess we can add just one more wonderful thing about him!!

He does know that he's different but it doesn't seem to bother him. I know that it will get harder for him, but because we live in a small town with a close knit group of kids I think that they accept him as he is, although they don't really include him. I wasn't a social butterfly when I was a kid but I always had at least one good friend. I'm working to find him someone that he can call a friend. (Well, he has one but he's 80...I'd like him to have a school friend his own age.)

 

[geebs]

Annaraven: Nicely put!!!

Knock Kneed hen: I would tell him right away. The social stuff will happen... fact is... it is tough on any teenager. THe more he learns about himself the better equipped he is to handle his challenges. It was amazing how when I told my son the proper distance for being in ppl space how he was so careful after that to measure....(arms length)... He learned to listen for "rythm and flow") and then he found he could take turns in conversations... By knowing he was different and showing him how to look for "cues" in ppls body language that showed they were drifting off or learning how to break away or end a conversation and take turns... He was viewed as less awkward and it made his adolesence easier. A teenage boy learning to talk to girls will suffer greatly if he isn't taught ahead of time to say things that are appropriate..... I remember laughing secretly as my son made HUGE errors in conversations to girls.... My Oh my.... I taught him to say every OTHER thing he was thinking... Aspie boys are such a wonder... the ones I have had experience with are not driven by hormone so much as interested in the differences... I find it refreshing... My son is my great joy when it comes to dating behavior.... Every parent of a teen girl in my town would gladly let my well schooled son date thier daughter... He may be awkward but he has manners and he doesn't like "fast girls" as he put it... It is a refreshing change from what I see in the schools and around town... Give me my Aspie children... they are a great joy!!!! So I guess in short my answer is... the earlier the better... There is a great video by leading Aspergers expert Tony Attwood that is a great way to introduce it...(the conversation)... It is a bit expensive but well worth the purchase... It takes a while to digest... and your son will likely go through a transition phase as will you when you watch the video... It is quite an adjustment to come to grips with all the concepts.... Knowledge is power here though... Can't wait to see what my beautiful boy becomes... He wan't to be a firefighter and also a preacher... I think he can do both...

 

[FireTigeris]

(Tune of "I'm a Little Teapot")


I'm a little 'Spectrum' but hear me out!

Don't give me a label you silly lout.

When you put me in a category, I'll fall out

When you 'cues' don't make sense, don't bother to shout!

Keep your label and let me out!

-------copyright ME-----------