Is this cheating? Need to vent

[MamaRoo]

Could be cheating. Maybe cheating or shopping for someone to cheat with caused the heart attack. Good luck to you

I would think it's more likely that the heart issues have caused him to re-evaluate his life. Some men believe that they can recapture their youth by being promiscuous and start looking for ways to do that. Some men buy sports cars or boats. Maybe you can try to take a step back and not take this personally (I know, I know) and try to see it as your hubby going through some emotional distress related to getting older. It might be easier for you to help him deal with this if you recognize that it's not you that's causing this.

 

[jdywntr]

If only it were that easy. Similar things have happened in the past prior to any health concerns. Phone calls, emails and texting with other women. I just made the stupid mistake of letting it go after confronting him and letting him act as though nothing ever happened.

 

[MamaRoo]

Some people are just jerks. Sorry.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Some consider it to be, as it is the betrayal of trust that is worst of all to them.

I agree with some others, his current and past issues and the hacking of his email show deep trust and respect issues that need to be willingly and openly addressed. He may be willing to work with you. If he is not, the relationship is going to a one sided, and I would personally move on at that point.

So sorry you are having to go through this.

 

[jdywntr]

Thanks everyone. I know that we have issues. I will try to talk to him but that usually does not go well and consists of denials, blaming me, leaving the house and returning later acting as though nothing happened.

 

[RHRanch]

If only it were that easy. Similar things have happened in the past prior to any health concerns. Phone calls, emails and texting with other women. I just made the stupid mistake of letting it go after confronting him and letting him act as though nothing ever happened.

Sorry to say that I would be surprised if he hasn't already physically cheated. Texting with other women can be considered emotional cheating, but how do you know it never went further? You may not have caught him. Sounds like you have major marital problems and I suggest couples counseling, it can really help.

 

[jdywntr]

I don't know if he'd go for counseling, I'm not 100% sure I even want to try. Sadly, I really don't think that he will change in the long run. I'm trying to make a contingency plan since I do work but he is the breadwinner. Unfortunately, I have no family remotely nearby and my friends are "our" friends so no help there. I have been looking into possibilities.

 

[cassie]

If I were you, I would be talking to a lawyer about how to protect myself in the event of a split. This does not mean you are actually going to get a divorce, but it helps to know what your options are in the event there is one. This texting/email thing is not a good sign. Personally, I would not let him know what I know until I had a LOT more information. Like what assets there are and where they are. If he knows how much you know he very well might start hiding them.

 

[Frost Homestead]

sorry you're going through this. my blood-pressure is up just reading about it, I can only imagine how you feel.

you don't know if he's actually physically cheated but you know one thing, he wants/wanted to. he's being dishonest and deceitful. try to keep that in mind, there really is no excuse for it. it's something he's consciously doing...if he hasn't cheated he probably will unless you do something about it one way or the other. just my opinion, good luck

 

[jdywntr]

Cassie, I had thought of this. I have forwarded all of the emails to my own account so I have "proof". Luckily or not, we really don't have any assets outside of household furnishings etc. The house we live in is my mothers, we pay the mortgage but do not have anything on paper. His car is in his name, mine is in mine. The bank is mine and my mother of all things (set up as house account 13 years ago and never changed) he has 401k. All of the bills for the house are in my name as I am in charge of paying the bills. I have cash savings that he does not know the locale of or amount (this is a recent thing).
I think my job has a free legal question service. I'll look into that.