Is this cheating? Need to vent

[redhen]

Yes, it IS cheating,..
Hes sneaking around your back to be with(hire) another woman ... yep,.. thats surely cheating in MY book..
If he hasnt actully done the "deed" yet,..hes is REALLY looking to... which is cheating and betraying you and your vows...
Would you think that YOU were cheating of you were looking to get a sexual/sensual massage from some guy and didnt tell your husband about it?? Yes, of course its cheating,.. no question about it at all.
You sound like you are in a tough position right now with the house payments and all... so sorry... I have to say that i would move and let mom take the house back.. before i lowered myself to stay with a man like that.. (actually hes not really a man,.. hes a sneaky disgusting creep)
I would also PRINT out all this info that you have found out though, all the e-mails,..etc..... just in case you need a lawyer someday..

 

[redhen]

There are trust issues.  Similar things, not ads but texts, have happened in the past.  I think I got a feeling recently that something was wrong and I checked his email.  I am unsure as to where to go from here.

And you stayed with him?? Soooo, did you expect him to change or something?? :/
Men like that DONT change,.. So you really need to make some decisions here. Either stay and know that it IS going to keep happening.. (some women can deal with this,... strange as it sounds.. ) OR you can decide that enough IS enough. The choice is yours,.. but remember,.. dont expect him to change because he wont. He continues to do this to you because he CAN...
i'm sorry that you are being hurt like this..

 

[redhen]

Thanks.  I worry that he has so I have a doctor's appointment next week where I have decided I will ask to be tested for everything, just in case.  How embarassing but necessary.

Yes, please get this done..

 

[redhen]

Ya got a good life insurance policy on him?? He could easily have an accident...
Just sayin'...

 

[redhen]

 Start setting aside some funds. I would sign up for a card or two in your name only. Since its your  moms house I think maybe letting mom know only once you decide what you are actually going to do. If I were you I would get a seperate bank account and start having your check put into that. Get counciling for yourself, you need someone to help you work through this. I would also start laying the groundwork a speration. You can also get a room mate in the house. Maybe a 2nd job.

Good idea!! I would advertise for a roommate...(without him knowing!) be just as sneaky as HE is..
And when you find someone that can help you with the bills,.. kick his butt out..

 

[emcgrath27]

First of all I am so sorry you are dealing with this. This must be incredibly hurtful and hard on you. I always think that if I wouldn't do it in front of my husband, I shouldn't do it when he's not around. Is he cheating? Depends on what you consider to be cheating, but what he's doing is NOT ok. Good luck.

 

[PeuAPeu]

You are the one who has to decide if you want to save it or let it go. Has it happened before? Each of us has our own opinion about what we would do but you are an individual and need to decide what you really want. Do you want to stay for love or are you afraid to leave? Personally, if it were me I would move all of his things out of the house (possibly into a storage unit), change all the locks and go visit with your mom. Give yourself some time to think about what you want and what you NEED. You don't have to have him to support you, but you may really love him and he may really love you and you both may really want to work it out. You don't need a man to survive but it is nice to have someone who complements your life. It might be him or it may be someone else in your future. Only you know what needs to be done. I certainly wish you great happiness in your future whatever you decide. Keep your head held high and don't let anyone hurt you.

 

[redhen]

First of all, there is no such thing as "privacy" in mature, responsible marriage.  There shouldn't be a need.  And if there is, and someone gets upset for invading someone else's privacy then you have a problem.

But you have a problem anyway.  You did need to check. Because cheating is cheating is cheating. If you have to ask, then it is.  If you feel cheated on, then you are. If either of you violates your vows, in any way... mentally, emotionally, financially or secretly, it's cheating.

I'm so sorry, I don't want to sound harsh. Just not going to sugar coat it.

This. Smart lady here..

 

[jak2002003]

Hmmm that sounds not too good. Does not sound like he has cheated though. Most men will look a at porn web sites and stuff, and also maybe chat on line, or some guys use the phone lines. They will hide it from their partners because they are ashamed they do it, and also don't want to hurt their feelings.

The problem with men (one of them) is they think about sex most of the time if they have nothing else to do. Looking at porn sites is no problem, but swapping phone numbers is getting serious and is not acceptable in my book. The dating site is also a NO NO situation.

If you are checking his e mail,. that is understandable but NO GOOD for you or him. Clearly something is not working in your relationship and you need to talk to him about it ASAP.

Having gone through a similar thing myself, I can say sort it out now, otherwise its just heart ache and you won't be able to stop getting very stressed about it.

Use you head, not your heart. Be strong and show you are the boss! There is no point telling him you read his e mails. That will score badly to you, and make him hide things more. Don't let him know you know. Tell him you are feeling bored with the relationship and he is not doing enough to make you happy. Scare him a bit. Say you might need time alone for a bit to think about things. If he loves you that should give him a kick up the *** to sort himself out. Don't tell him you love him or show him you are feeling insecure. Make him the insecure one!

There is no point in upsetting yourself checking e mails and accusing him......he will only lie and make you more crazy. If he is going to cheat or leave you then you can't stop him. If he loves you we will sort himself out and stay. I really feel for you as I know how bad you must be feeling now. I thought my life was over when my 54 year old husband of 15 years left me for a 19 year old prostitute. Now I am so happy I am not with that guy and my life is much better than before - and his life is very bad now.

Hope you can sort out your problems soon.

 

[JoeTheChicken]

Definately cheating