It's gonna be a long summer. *Rant about my jerky uncle*

[SarahBeth9394]

Respect your elders just doesn't apply here. Just because this guy is a few years older doesn't mean he is either responsible, wise or earning respect by being respectful. A college drop out who wore his welcome out with his parents and figured out a way to plop himself in his sisters home rent free is neither responsible or wise and has no place doling out responsibilities to others in someone else's home. The dad was there and if the chore needed doing then the dad should have said so or the uncle should have taken the 5 minutes to do it and help earn his keep. From what I read it sounds like he's ragging on eenie because eenie is younger and has great opportunities ahead like the ones he squandered. Yep my original reply had tons of snark and as I said eenie could put a tactful spin on it but if the situation is as eenie says then it's just the cold hard truth.

 

[pixiedouglas]

Sounds like a very awkward situation to be in. I'm not sure if when your mom said you're the only one he has a problem with she was on your side or his though?

Unless he'd been asked to make sure you did your chores it was rude of him to tell you to clean up. If it bothers him he can offer to pitch in, but a guest should not criticize when you get to your chores and I do believe kids need chores, but your schoolwork comes FIRST. If you were working on schoolwork then a few dishes can wait. Not to mention my goodness I only wish my living room looked that neat with small kids in the house. GOODNESS! I'd hate for him to see what my house looks like, he might call CPS on me!

It sounds like part of the problem is HOW he says things to you. Some adults forget that teenagers, adolescents, kids.... are people too. If you want a child to respect what you're saying, then you need to respect them too. I understand respecting your elders, but that doesn't mean children are doormats or slaves. When I ask my DD to do her chores I tell her please and thank you. She has to do them no matter what, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate her and be polite. How do you expect children to learn to be polite if you don't teach them???

His tone with your sounds like it might be condescending and flippant? Gee I can't think of a thing that would rile a teenager faster than using that kind of tone with them especially when you're an adult with no clear authority over them. I think your uncle doesn't understand how to communicate with you without coming across rudely. I'm sorry about that, it's very hard to deal with. Try and think of it like you're the one helping him to understand how people should talk to each other.

(and I would have been spitting mad at him for making the baby cry too!)

Good luck!

 

[eenie114]

Just remember, guys: He IS here for a reason. He's helping us grow a garden, as we have thumbs that are the opposite of green, whatever that is.
He's not staying here for nothing.

As far as the overlapping responsibilities, I know it's really hard to explain in words, but there actually is a very clear line. I think he knew he was crossing it. It's really hard to explain, but I'll try.

Situation: The boys are fighting over a toy. I step in and say stop fighting or it gets taken away. They keep fighting, I confiscate it. They whine, the uncle backs me up.

Does it make any more sense now?

 

[cassie]

Here are a couple survival mechanisms you might try. One, every day think of one thing you like about your uncle. Just one. The other thing is to compliment him and thank him for something, anything, he does right. Odd as it seems, these two things will go a long way toward making your life more bearable.

 

[Chaquan]

Just smile, he was very sweet and recommendations, if it is bothering him, to take care of yourself, because it you are busy. Then do your best to avoid him as much as possible. Do not let him know your rose. Just walk away...

 

[SourRoses]

Eenie...
I was just reading back over this post again... realised how many different directions everyone is coming at this situation from..
and I was wondering... would it be possible for you at this point to more clearly define what you would like from any future replies? Advice in a certain direction, and so forth? Or would you rather the thread ended?

I think the main problem with the different viewpoints here is... some people have dealt with situations somewhat akin to yours.. some have dealt with truly nasty situations.... and some perhaps only see things from a certain point of view.

I know you are not a young teenager... at least I would guess so from the way you comport yourself and express your thoughts.... which is actually very admirable to me. I don't know many youngsters who would care so much and frequently (it seems) for their siblings... and in some way I think that is also bringing on the ire of some who would want to protect an obviously sweet, responsible person.

Though, again, you are (most likely) not a young teenager.... so in my view, I would not expect you to show the deference a younger child ought to. You are a person and deserving of respect and politeness and your own opinion, as well.

I think that, in light of all that, you are the person whos opinions on your own behaviour matters most of all. Controversial as that may be here, as a young adult, you are moving into making your own decisions on such matters.

If you will excuse me.. a portion of a bible verse...

"Commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still."

Pretty much, you should reconcile all of your own actions within yourself, until you find yourself at peace. If that means knowing you need to change something in the future, then accept it and forgive yourself. If it means that you were in the right and need to continue to stand firm, then resolve to do so, but try to let go of any grudge, as much as you can.
In any case.. it's up to you what seems good and right to you. You are the one that will take the most away from these experiences, and it's up to you to decide on the character you want to cement in, before the world does it for you.

For me, I chose stubborn and always right

Maybe others don't always appreciate that so much... but I can reconcile my thoughts unto my own self and be at peace.. and that's what's important. The most cheerful, meek person in the world may not continue to be such a person if they are ignoring their own self identity in favor of that of others. So, it's about sustainability. What Eenie wants to be, versus what Eenie knows her emotions can sustain being, without breaking.

The grandlady

all of a few years older than you, is done speaking now

 

[SarahBeth9394]

Quote:
Eenie I do think it's good he's helping with a garden but that hardly pays the bills. I love to garden and I've had successful and unsuccessful gardens. If there's something I don't know I google. I've got several new things this year just from a little googling. The knowledge part isn't hard once you have it. If I were you I'd pick out something to plant and care for myself (cuz I'm a garden nut). Regardless of what happens with him take the opportunity to learn about gardening. It's something that you'll use for the rest of your life one way or another.

Oh and I have to agree with Squishy's assesment of you. Which is why I don't see the uncle as an elder to you. You are on the right track. He fell off. When people fall they look for ways to feel better about themselves sometimes at the expense of others. That's what ticks me off. If he gets that he crossed the line then maybe he'll do a little growing up over it and things could be better.

 

[onthespot]

eenie, Sorry, I didn't read all the posts. I just wanted to say... I would gladly pay you twenty, no, FORTY bucks to come right over here and make my living room as "messy" as yours!

 

[eenie114]

Quote:
I'm actually younger than a lot of people seem to think I am.... My mom and I have both been told we were born 40 years old.

Actually, I really like getting a lot of different opinions, that way I can try to guess which angle my uncle in coming from. However, you've given me some great advice.

I think I need to work on being a leetle bit more respectful, but make my lines that shall NOT be crossed clear. If they're crossed, I think I'll just state that he crossed a line. Really. I'm planning on saying EXACTLY what I mean. "That was unkind." "You just crossed a line." "Please don't do that again." Like that.