I've got to say something, or I'll explode!

[Bizzy]

As you can see by the other posts, you are not alone (not that it's any consolation).

My DH's ex-wife let his kids get so out of control that they are almost impossible to discipline now. They came to live with us for the summer once, after 3 weeks I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. When they got back home, she filed child abuse charges against him. You know what was in the social worker's report? That we made them fix themselves a bowl of cereal when they refused to eat what I made for dinner, & that DH threw away a baseball that they were throwing around in the car while he was driving. Yep, those kids were just tortured.

Needless to say, they won't be stepping foot in my house again until they turn 30. And we wonder why the country is in the shape it's in!!!

 

[monarc23]

I am so sorry for you and your whole family for this! My cousin almost got my uncle thrown in jail for him slapping her on the butt for going out and drinking with friends (she's 13 AND is epileptic- had a seizure WHILE over with friends that's how my uncle found out what she was doing). She went to school the next day and told the counselor she was abused.....CPS came out and everything it was horrible. Somehow though...the law went in my aunt and uncles favor and they weren't effected because of it. I wish that the law could work that way for you!

 

[juliebee]

Chickbaby, when you wrote "No matter where she goes, she takes herself with her", I thought, smart woman. I will pray for your family. :aww. I am going to hug my daughter really hard when she comes home this weekend. From my family to yours... we are sending
Peace and Love

 

[mjdtexan]

I am sorry to hear that Chickbaby. I pray that it works out for You, Your Husband, and your Child.
Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

 

[sundance]

Chickbaby, so sorry to hear of your problems, will be praying for you and your family, sorry to say it doesn't get any better until they really grow up and understand what you are going thru.By then, your heart has been broken so many times it seems that it will never be repaired, but remember God is good, and He will not allow more on you than you can bear,(but sometimes you want to scream at Him, I can't take it any more), I don't know the laws in your state, but try to get a good lawyer,call the bar association in your state to see if any does pro bono work, or legal aid. and dig in for the long haul.

marrie

 

[ginbart]

Just a little advise from someone who has been there you are. The first thing you need to do and I know it will be hard but, stop worrying, it will get you nowhere. Give your worrying to God and play more with your son to keep your mind off of your SD.

I will pray for you and let it in God's hands.

My SIL gave up his 2 beautiful daughters because of his x. They came back to him when they turned 18. She will come back.

 

[Chickybaby]

Thank you, Gin. I admit I have struggled with "surrender". I get "giving in", "giving up" and "surrender" confused at times. I try to stay in surrender-mode and get much peace when I can stay there. As for my son, this has been very hard for him. He idolizes his sister, no matter what she does, and he does not understand what is happening. DH and I have been trying to focus more on him lately because for weeks it was all about her - literally. I neglected the house, the animals got off schedule, the yardwork didn't get done. I was a wreck and miserable. I'm trying to get back in balance and not let my son feel pushed aside, which I'm sure he has although it wasn't intentional. I was contantly on the phone or waiting for it to ring, going to this place or that place or meeting with someone about what to do. I'm glad I don't feel compelled to do that anymore. And I'm glad there are folks out there who help me remember some very important principles. Thank you!

 

[Birch Run Farm]

Another thought...

Maybe your daughter would read this thread and read what those who were in a similar situation did and what their thoughts in the end (seems as they got older the realized how bad they were?) and eventual outcome was?

 

[tfpets]

Chickybaby

My heart goes out to you, and I feel for you and your family. I too was one of those unappreciative difficult teens, and looking back, I wish I could take back the hard times I gave my parents.

As an adult, I replay and relive some of the worst times I lived and it's not fun. I try to make amends in the only ways I can think of....I am a Social Worker with Children's Services - and I dont make alot of friends, but I try to make difference. And here in situations that I see its often a teen calling the shots and just manipulating the parents or our system - we try to call them out on it - and I have no problem standing up in court, or to our judge, and telling it like it is. But kids tell lies, and the system is set up to keep them "safe".

That doesnt mean it's safe for the parents, the child, or the other children in the home, for a child to return home, if the child is being a pill, running away, calling the shots, breaking your rules and your stuff, or even your hearts! It can mean the child is on the verge of becoming a "delinquent" and may need out of home placement. The child may not be a criminal (yet) but they're not ready to go to juvenile hall. So they may turn it around, hopefully sooner than later, with the services that are supposed to be provided while they're in placement. The paying support part bites (your daughter should have to eat that one, JMO, keep that bill saved up for her future!)

I really really am sorry. It hard having difficult kids, your own or others. I had a high maintenance birth son (now 26 with some harsh health issues) and have 3 pretty high maintenance Adopted sons we brought to our family out of the lovely foster care system. I hope your daughter comes to her senses. I hope I dont offend you with my perspective.

You are a wonderful family - and she will regret her choices one day. Please take care of yourself and your son.....

We will be thinking of you, Tina/tfpets

 

[Rosalind]

Sorry to hear of what you are going through. What tfpets said is true--the judge may not necessarily think that everything the teenager says is true, but may be reasoning that this young woman was too much of a handful for her mother, and has become too much of a handful for you as well, despite your best efforts. Many family court lawyers and judges are so used to hearing all sorts of things that it turns into a he-said, she-said type of deal; it isn't always useful to figure out who is right, when all they need to know is that the situation isn't working the way it is. Definitely see if you can find a lawyer, and good luck.