I'll apologize in advance if this gets too long. My 16 year old step-daughter was put into foster care by a judge yesterday, and it's killing us. No one has found us to be unfit or neglectful, our home is fine and she has been well provided for (unless you ask her). We are a bit traditional, old-fashioned by some standards, which is making her "unhappy" and she decided she could leave our home and no one could/would do anything - and apparently she was right. We filed missing persons reports with law enforcement, been in contact with the school, been involved with the Dept of Juvenile Justice, Social Services, you name it and no one simply wants to tell this child she just needs to come home and follow the rules. It's just NUTS!
She has a history (but who doesn't) and we were given custody 3 years ago - her mother just couldn't/wouldn't do anything with her. We moved to another State to help give her a fresh start and it was our hope that providing boundaries, stability, support and love would help heal her heart. She has been really good most of the time, but she really got messed up in some stuff and knew she would be in trouble here so she decided to start running, and has been doing just that for the last 4 weeks. She hasn't figured out that no matter where she goes, she takes herself with her. It's always someone elses fault that she makes bad decisions... and the worst part is she has this judge completely snowed! And it has only made the situation worse because she (the judge) has completely undermined our parental authority on every level, and basically reinforced the childs belief that there is nothing we can do. We have never been so frustrated and angry in our lives! Unfortunately, the judge can only see the anger in us at this point and has determined that she cannot place the child back in our home (although we have not been found to be a danger to her). She has NO idea what we have been through, the dead ends we've run into, people hiding her and lying to us (law enforcement knew where she was and did not tell us!), everyone has been telling us what to do and who to talk to and no one is listening to what the problem is or is willing to help us correct it. In fact, last week the child was placed in a temporary home, against our direct wishes and without first determining that it was an "appropriate" place to put her - and guess what, it was determined that is WASN'T late last week - but she was kept there until court yesterday! And now we're being told that the judge is likely going to make us pay child support because she is is fostercare. Are they KIDDING? I just don't understand any of this - I can't imagine how my husband feels! She is a very intelligent, beautiful and loving girl most of the time and the thought of losing her to the system it unbearable. I guess the next step will be to talk to an attorney and start picking our battles, I don't know.... If you believe in prayer (and we absolutely do) please keep us in yours. We're going to need all the help we can get. Thanks for listening...
