Just Need a Rant (Trigger Warning)

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LEMAYTXCKNCOUNSELOR said:
Many clinicians will not refill an RX without being seen. If you are willing to see a new doctor that is what I recommend. Please start by calling the helpline and explain your situation.
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I'll manage until she gets ahold of me, I just... need to not deal with anything for awhile... explaining that to my mom later is going to be difficult though...
 
I wouldn't get overly hung up on how you choose to label your sexuality. Really. It's okay to prefer one gender over another for awhile and then switch. Honest. The heart wants what the heart wants... and most of us simply want to be loved unconditionally. If your partner does that for you, then does it really matter what genitalia they possess?
 
Also it sounds like you have had so much trauma in your life, yet you still think about other peoples feelings, although you don’t feel you can talk to them and you don’t want to destroy relationships? That speaks volumes about the lovely person you are. I know when you deal with a lot of things it can become overwhelming, try stripping it back, deal with one thing at a time but most of all think about you and your happiness. We are made the way we are made, there is no right or wrong. If you need to rant until you get help, I for one will listen. Don’t be so hard on yourself, big hugs 🤗
 
thank you, everyone... I-, the little things mean the most to me and just seeing that people reacted tbh almost made me cry....
Ebony Rose said:
I wouldn't get overly hung up on how you choose to label your sexuality. Really. It's okay to prefer one gender over another for awhile and then switch. Honest. The heart wants what the heart wants... and most of us simply want to be loved unconditionally. If your partner does that for you, then does it really matter what genitalia they possess?
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that's why I'm completely blah about my sexuality and what not now... I just worry sometimes that I'm too masculine for him... and it's weird, switching like this after being completely male for two years and having been shunned by my family for being gay and trans on top of everything else they make out of me...
Mrs J said:
Also it sounds like you have had so much trauma in your life, yet you still think about other peoples feelings, although you don’t feel you can talk to them and you don’t want to destroy relationships? That speaks volumes about the lovely person you are. I know when you deal with a lot of things it can become overwhelming, try stripping it back, deal with one thing at a time but most of all think about you and your happiness. We are made the way we are made, there is no right or wrong. If you need to rant until you get help, I for one will listen. Don’t be so hard on yourself, big hugs 🤗
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I'm not a good person though.. I hurt people... I'm not nice, I'm brutally honest... I don't want to hurt people and I try, I really do... but it never seems to be enough, and the second I stop trying, everyone jumps on me with something new to blame on me... my mother blames her lack of happiness and her sicknesses on me... my grandmother blames me for lack of friendships, there's so much hurt they've caused me but still I try... I don't want to give up... I love my life, and that's such a hard thing for me to say really. But I do, i love my life... even if, most of the time, I want to end it... I'm covered in scars of my own making and my mother chocks it up to me wanting attention or being addicted to "scarification"... my anger issues are terrible and I've hurt my siblings because of them... even my siblings hate me thanks to my mom....
 
it's such a struggle every day, just to get up in the morning, but I do it... I get up, I put a smile on my face and I pretend to be ok, I pretend to be fine... I keep up on my hygiene, brushing my teeth twice a day and take a shower every other day... I, for the most part, keep myself from cutting... it's so hard though, the pain is almost a comfort... I cook, I clean, I take care of the other's in my household... I do so much but whats the point sometimes...
 
Willowhisp said:
it's such a struggle every day, just to get up in the morning, but I do it... I get up, I put a smile on my face and I pretend to be ok, I pretend to be fine... I keep up on my hygiene, brushing my teeth twice a day and take a shower every other day... I, for the most part, keep myself from cutting... it's so hard though, the pain is almost a comfort... I cook, I clean, I take care of the other's in my household... I do so much but whats the point sometimes...
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I can actually somewhat relate.
 
Little Baby Bean said:
You don't have to feel sorry about this. I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I don't really have anything to say except that we love you and I hope you feel better soon. :hugs
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JustBabyMargo said:
Don’t feel sorry. There isn’t anything to feel sorry about. You should be able to talk about what’s going on and what you’re feeling. We aren’t judging you. It’s not your fault.
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I do have something to be sorry though... I didn't actually need to share anything... I could just smile and continue on until the burden was lifted off my shoulders, which may very well be in death... I should just be happy I'm alive... that I was given amazing opportunities to travel and work with exotic animals and be more wise than most adults... I should just be happy with what I was given, I've heard of so many other people in worse situations...
 

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