Just need to vent! (horse related)

[USMCwifey]

Feeling pretty crappy right now. A couple weeks ago I was offered the 2 mares I grew up with when I was younger. The kids grew up, moved out, and the parents just don't have the time and energy for them anymore and asked if I'd like to bring them to my barn. FREE of charge! Our barn is old and not horse ready, but could be with work and time. They even offered to give me whatever I'd need to get the barn horse ready such as fencing, food buckets, get the mares hooves done, and all their shots up to date. It's always been my dream to own horses, that's why when hubby and I bought a house I told him it HAS to have land for a horse or two. Anyways to the venting part, I talked to my husband about it and he said we'll see and just kinda left it at that. I keep bringing it up, showing him prices for feed a month so he sees we can do it, laying out the pasture plans, ect. (I'm super excited of coarse!) And all I keep getting is we'll see or a head nod. He's not a horse person at all and it seems like he just wants nothing to do with it! I told him before we even got married, I grew up with horses... I WILL own them when I own a house. Now that time has presented itself and he still wants nothing to do with helping me prepare or anything! I feel like he cares nothing about my dreams. All I get from him is how he's not gonna ride, clean, or feed them IF we get them. I'm very upset about the whole thing and just don't know what to do or think. I really just wanted to vent and get things off my chest. *sigh* I just don't know what to do.

 

[Funky Feathers]

I'd say a new (horse loving) husband is in order. That will fix the problem!

 

[USMCwifey]

Quote:
After my one ex, who also didn't care for horses, I swore I would find a guy who shared a like for horses with me. They didn't have to love love LOVE them like I do, but like would've been nice. I love my husband so much, but at the same time this is my biggest dream so close to coming true and he seems to be shattering it right in front of me.

 

[Funky Feathers]

Never Marry a man who might shatter your dreams! It doesn't sound like he loves you very much. A loving husband wants nothing more than to make his wife happy. So sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

If it's the money, well, I cannot fault him because it DOES cost to keep horses. But if this is not about money and all you need is to build some fences and update the barn, well, roll up your sleeves and get to work!

My DIL is maybe 5'1" and 90 lbs soaking wet and my son drives over the road, so she has learned to do it all cause he is often not around! And I gotta admit she builds as good a fence as I do! When push comes to shove, she can even trim feet. (I know because I taught her!). If a little bit of a thing like her can learn to do whatever needs doing, I am seriously betting that you can too.

It's not like you're some little kid who needs his permission. If you can afford the expense, go for it!

Rusty

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Oh my word!! People are more negative than they need (or should be) Good Grief!

To the OP -- Sorry your hubby is being this way. It sounds just like how my husband acts when I bring up something regarding animals, or something else major, that he's not familiar with. This doesn't mean he dislikes my idea or even the animals, it just means that he's not used to the idea yet and is worried that it will be worse than he imagines it being. I have found the only cure to his attitude is for him to see how easy it is, or see me keeping up my end of the bargain. Once he understands the routine and sees the project is working he relaxes and starts to enjoy it himself. Give him some time to get used to the idea...this may be just very overwhelming to him

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Have you told him exactly what you just told us? That he is coming across to you as being indifferent to a long held desire of yours? That you feel as though he isn't interested in helping you reach your dreams, that it is important to you that spouses help each other reach their goals, and that this hurts your feelings? That you felt it was understood that you would be getting a horse or two? That these horses are a piece of your childhood? If not, lay it out clearly for him now! If he does not communicate back to you, or feels that his decisions automatically over rule yours, then the problems here are bigger than just being about the horses. Hopefully a good chat will get you both on the same page though and offer better understanding about what each of you is thinking. Sending good horse vibes your way. Definitely sounds like an amazing dream way too good to pass up without a very good reason.

 

[chickened]

If you can truly afford this then ease your husband in to it, maybe get one and see how it goes, you know test the water. Do what my wife does, she ask me about something right before... well you know, I usually say yes and then later it is kind of hard to back out of. Whatever you do don't over do it with too many as that will sour him real quick. Good luck.

 

[smithbantam]

My husband hates my chickens, and horses but he knows I do what I want. If he dont want to help then I do it by myself. But he also knows hay season is coming and if he wants my butt on the hay rakes in the hot sun with dust all over me, he better help me cause I wont help him if he don't.

It's a two way street.

 

[cackydoodledoo]

Quote:
Pretty much what I was gonna say! If he is really a good guy he will listen!!