Just need to vent! (horse related)

[rodriguezpoultry]

Talk to him. Be blunt and tell him EXACTLY what you're wanting to do.

My fiance wasn't overjoyed with my horse...until he rode him. Now he loves him to pieces and is even debating taking him by chemical means. (I'm allergic to peppermint and he's debating on feeding Max peppermint treats.) He won't really do it, but all the same...

 

[suzettex5]

I believe there is an age old saying that applies to your situation, goes something like this-

Its always easier to ask for forgivness than it is to ask for permission.

In my experience, if my hubby hasnt out and out said NO, that means go ahead and do what I want. I do make it a point to not take on any animals or projects I cant handle by myself (or maybe a friend to help if I need it). Its funny, but the more he has seen me handle all the big and little chores myself without asking for his help, the more he has volunteered to help with the bigger stuff he see's me stubbornly struggling with. Most days Im glad he didnt help me, it makes me a stronger woman and I get to enjoy knowing I achieved the accomplishments all by myself!

I am sorry that he isnt feeling your dream and isnt supporting you in the way you need him to. As an adult, you have a right to pursue your dreams and desires, as a partner you need to respect boundries and limitations from each other. Give him fair warning as to your intentions, and if he doesnt make a big stink, I say go ahead and slowly build towards your goal.

 

[redhen]

Well..heres my opinion..
If you allow him to tell you no you cant have a horse..then you arent really ready for one.
Is he your husband or father?
If it were me? I'd call the lady and tell them i'd pick them up on such and such a date....
hubby will live. Life will go on...

 

[jmhappycowboy]

I agree with RustyHillsFarms, your husband hasn't said no and if you can afford them, then do as suggested go out and get started on the fencing yourself if possible if you can't i'm sure you have maybe brothers, uncles, friends someone who knows how much you want a horse and they would be glad to help you with your fencing and barn mending. Hey offer them a good supper or something you never know until you ask them.

My partner didn't like horses AT ALL he was bitten as a teenager by a friends horse and when I mentioned wanting to get me a horse I basically got the same thing as you a i'll think about it or a nod. Well I went to a horse sale that was close to our house and guess what I bought a Paint filly. I didn't even have a stall to put her in or even a pen. So I left the sale went to the hardware store and got the materials I needed to turn half of the tractor shed into a stall, when I got home he asked what I was doing and I told him I bought a horse and was fixing her a stall. He shook his head and walked off. About 30 minutes later he came back out there and helped me build her stall and then we went and got the filly. The next day we went and bought fencing and fenced in about 3 acres for her to have a pasture. After she had been there just 3 or 4 days he was spending almost as much time with her as me.

Today we have 4 Mares, a Stallion and 3 foals that where born this year. And while I can't say he loves the horses as much as I do and probably never will he helps me with them when I need him to and never complains because of the joy and peace that they bring me. Also doesn't hurt a thing that one of this years foals thinks he the greatest thing on 2 feet and follows him everywhere.

Your husband just might be the same way after he sees that your serious about getting them. He might be thinking that its just a phase your going through and doesn't want to do all that work for nothing. So I say if you can afford them and you really want them then do whatever it takes to get them and let him see your serious and try to include him in your activities with the horses at a later date, even if he doesn't help you get things ready for them give him the opportunity and a chance you never know he might grow to care for them as much as you.

 

[jeepchick]

My 2 cents worth...If hes anything like my husband he might just be trying to avoid HIM having a horse project. If you truely are able to afford it, and you can take care of them then show him that it wont turn out to be a project for him to do. Start setting it as much of it as YOU can do unaided or with the help of a friend. Take the innitiave to get the barn set up and have fun doing it! If you have any horse people in your life im willing to bet you can recruit one. When we moved into this house last October I had never had a place I could have horses and it was the first thing I wanted to do. Hubby wasnt so excited but I told him that this was the first time I would be able to have that part of the life I wanted. So I got as much of everything set up as I could do, planned it all out, figured out the costs and where I was going to buy my hay etc. I told him heres what I have planned out, I found a horse I want and I was doing it. Basically I got a "whatever dear" and that was the last time he complained about it. He even helped with alot of it after he saw that I was out there doing the fencing and setting up the shelter. Once he saw that I was really helping and doing the work he was all to happy to help (I think it was more about him puffing out his chest because he knows how to string electric fencing and I don't but hey....whatever the fence got put up) lol I do think that the partner in any relationship should be willing if not excited to help their loved ones fulfill their dreams but sometimes it just doesn't work out that way. IMO unless he has "put his foot down and said NO" thats a green light to go ahead and do it yourself if its important. Im not saying do it alone because thats no fun either but gather your horsey friends and live your dream! Do it now before you regret it and resent him.....he will get over it.

 

[Souffle]

Set a date to go get your horses! The rest will follow. How thrilling to have them back! If your husband doesn't love them he'll at the very least, love what they do for you. Sounds like the opportunity you've been waiting for. Just do it!

 

[schellie69]

I talk to my DH about my chickens. I don't ask permission but he does keep me in check. Why I am only allowed so many in town and if I had my way I would way over do that. I am over the limit a little, he just does not want to see me get turned in and have to loss some of my chickens because I do love my chickens. If you have the money the space and time for these horses. It sounds like the people who are giving them to you are willing to help then get the barn ready, start building the fence and get the horses. I have leaned with my DH if he has not come our and said no or just says we will see or something like that, it means okay but I am not helping. Yea he does but that another story. I would get started call the people say bring the horses this day and then start working on getting things in order. Once the horses are there whats he going to say. It just might be to big for him or maybe he just thinks he will get stuck doing it all. I would rather ask for forgiveness then for permission.

 

[patandchickens]

But, first do make REALLY REALLY sure you can COMFORTABLY afford them. You will have to feed them 20-30 lbs hay per horse per day for at least 4-5 months of the year, quite possibly more (if you don't have enough safely-fenced good-pasture land to support them on 24/7 during the growing season, and for typical W NY pastures you'd need at least 4 acres to do this well, then you will need to hay them at night, meaning 10+ lbs of hay per horse per day during non-winter seasons). Figure maybe $800-1800 per year, depending whether you need summer nighttime hay and what kind of a price you can get, NEITHER OF WHICH IS IN YOUR CONTROL.

If you will stall them at night, which isn't generally good for them but may be necessary if your pasture is limited or muddy, figure maybe 4 bales of shavings per week at a minimum (>$1,000 per year) unless you can buy dumploads of bulk shavings, which are often lower quality but can be considerably cheaper.

Farrier every 6-8 weeks, even if it's just a trim not shoes, you're probably looking at $30/horse so that is about $500 per year.

Routine vet care (yearly exam and minimal vaccinations) plus worming, figure another $500/year.

Repair/replacement of stuff (broken fences, charger battery dies, destroyed blankets, need load of gravel b/c severe mudpit at gate, etc) is highly unpredictable but don't budget less than $500 and you will likely use all that and more in most years.

____

Total (est. yearly costs for keeping 2 horses, I mean):

= if you have 4+ acres of safely-horse-fenced good-grazing pasture and will keep them out 24/7/365 or close to it, you're looking at maybe $2200/year (very "ish" -- unlikley to be much less, could EASILY be more)

= if you have less pasture than that, you're looking at $2500-$3500/year (again, unlikely to be much less, could easily be more)

PLUS EMERGENCY EXPENSES (have at least a thousand in the bank against vet emergencies, preferably more -- even a 9 pm. weekend emergency suturing-up call can easily use most of that amount, and a more-serious problem can blow well into the thousands with little trouble)

Also note that I have blithely ignored a lot of things that you may ought to spend money on for those particular horses' good, e.g. medications or supplements, regular dental work, etc; plus I have not even touched the issue of SETUP costs or buying tack.

I am totally not trying to scare you off, but the thing is that in the current economy it is really really hard to get rid of horses except by (expensive in its own right) euthanasia, so you would want to make SUUUURE you can afford these horses before taking them on, b/c if you get them and *then* discover you can't afford to keep them you may be seriously stuck.

Good luck, hope it works out for you,

Pat

 

[greeneggsandham]

Is he thinking it will be a financial strain? Or that he doesn't want anything to do with horses?

 

[Souffle]

USMCwifey,
Get the horses for you. They are a gift.
Drop the USMC and wifey from your identity just for a minute. Give yourself permission to be "Rodeo Girl."
Repeat this affirmation,"I have two horses!" Write it down a few times until you believe it...feel how wonderful this is.
I'm excited and happy for you. You are Rodeo Girl living out a dream that's darn tootin' exciting.