My daughter is 17 yo now. But back in the days of birthday parties...even then , no one knew what or how to RSVP!!!!
If I planned a party that I had to pay per guest, I only invited kids that we knew the family and I could depend on an honest response, when the invitation was hand delivered to a parent.
If the party was more "open house", come and go as you please...my daughter was free to invite (still written invitations with a request for RSVP) anyone she wanted. And I would encourage her to invite quite a few since most will not show up...like you invited 28 and got 8. We would plan enough food and whatever was leftover we would have an extended family party the next day and get rid of the leftovers. Grandmas and Grandpas were happy not to "celebrate" with tons of little curtain crawlers running around.
In many cases, however, I found myself calling all of the non-RSVP'd households to get a straight answer about 6 days before the party. If you can't commit to something this coming weekend, then I'm taking it as a "no."
The biggest issues we had with birthday parties were gifts. We have some very affluent families in our area, and some mostly middle class families. Some of the affluent children would often be invited to our parties, bringing way over-the-top ($$$) gifts for my daughter. Then we would be invited to their party...yes, at the mini-mansion complete with pony rides, clowns, bounce house, and wine tasting tables for the parents. We couldn't really afford a grand birthday gift but would try to pick something very special or unique instead. However, it always seemed pretty paltry next to all the "hugeness" from the other kids.
And my biggest pet peeve is thank you notes. When did those go out of fashion????? My daughter was taught that she couldn't even open a gift until the thank you notes were finished and in the mail. Even if she thanked the person at the party or on the phone, the notes still went out. I have yet to receive even one thank you note form any other child (friend or relative) for a gift. That just irks me. I believe children are the products of their parents. So until the reach 18 I give them gifts even if I never get a thank you note. Once they hit 18...you get one shot...then you get a card instead of a gift.
