Jumping back to this post because I thought this was more along the lines of what was asked for. I have to agree with Chicken Lady that the letter could use a little clarification to make its point better. Are you trying to convince the government that the law should be changed so that business owners regain their right to choose whether they allow smoking? Or are you simply stating your point of view? Nothing wrong with doing either one. I guess what I'm thinking is that you need a somewhat clearer opening. But I'm no expert on writing persuasive letters. I'm just a mom and substitute teacher!
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