Life's many changes

[Opa]

When my sons were 10, 8, & 3 I decided that I could no longer live with their mother. We had been to consoling on several occasions. Had a trial separation. I just couldn't take her procrastination, slothfulness, and obstinate comments any longer. Telling my sons was probably the hardest thing I had ever had to do. It was painful and I tried everything to assure them that it wasn't anything they had done and that I would still be very involved in their lives. I then made sure I upheld my promises to them. Ultimately I wound up with custody of them. Now 34 years later I look back at it and know it was the best decision I ever made. For my sons, for myself, and even for my ex wife. I'm sure as well thought out your decision appears to be you will find it was the best and only one you could make. Best wishes.

 

[chixie]

stay strong.. you and your son will get thru this... It will be hard but remeber that there is brighter days ahead of you... you and your son ar ein my prayers... and I am sending you big hugs

 

[Camelot Farms]

Awww Jae. I hate this for you.

I have been in your shoes. I ended a 10 year marriage to an abusive alcoholic. I stayed as long as I did only for the kids then one day realized that I had to LEAVE for the kids. I wanted them to experience a 'normal' family. I took the first step and never looked back. It wasnt easy but it was so worth it.

I am now married to a fabulous man who loves my children just as though they were his own.

Hang in there and PM me or email me anytime!

(((hugs)))

 

[Whispering Winds]

Is your husband good to your son, when you are not around? I know how hard this is, I have an alcoholic daughter, and already one of the kids moved out to live with their dad, who is also one, but he seems to maintain a better household than DD does, and it has broken all of our hearts. But, the DGD is such a handful, she might be better off with her dad and firm hand, which he does have. Time will tell. The other DGD is staying with mom, but she is of completely different temperment, and very good for DD, so I hope this might be a turning point.

You have to do what you have to do; and I know from experience staying and letting your son see you mistreated, might lead him to grow up the same way. It's a documented fact. My DH was raised in an abusive alcoholic family, dad was a week-end drunk, worked made a good living, but their week-ends growing up and vacations were a nightmare. DH was never one to drink after seeing what he did, or very little, but I know he is "damaged" from it. He made a remark to me one time that I never forgot. He said, "you have no idea what it is to pull your dad off of your mom and not know if your mom is going to get up." I never forgot that, and luckily that is one thing our kids never saw as they grew up. they all agree they had a pretty good childhood. So, hard as it is, remember what DH said and don't let your son see anymore of the abuse. If his dad is good to him otherwise, and you can trust him not to drink when he sees him, then your son will probably benefit more from that type of relationship than the one of being with him 24/7 and not knowing what is going to happen next. Don't hang back about supervised visits either, if your husband is not to be trusted. He will learn to control it or he won't, but the choice is his and his alone.

I admire you VERY much. Your life is your own, you only owe that little boy a good life, and yourself. You picked a great career and you will never have to worry about a job . . .start getting your ducks in order and take it one thing at a time, and then go for it. I think its wonderful you are seeing someone to find out the best way to go about approaching your son too, sometimes we do overkill and want to "tell them everything", when usually kids are just content to know a little and then go on with their little selves.

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

 

[ChicknJ]

wow guys, this was so much what I needed to hear today. I know our son will go through some pain and upheaval. I guess it's a mothers way to just feel guilty but... I think the bottom line is, If I'm ok, he will be ok. My husband is like most alcoholics. Not a bad person, just when alcohol is in control of him, I pay for it. I want to smile again. I don't want to have to run out of my house and leave again. I want to enjoy my son and not ever let him see us fighting again. I want friends again. Boy I have alotta wants huh. Living together civilly for the next few months is definitely going to be difficult. I may try to leave before the holidays, but if it isn't the right situation to move into, then it may have to wait til after. One of the main reasons I have not done this already is because I don't trust my husband to not use our little guy as a weapon. I knew he would say aweful things about me, but he says them now, in front of him. Who am I protecting? I know I have to find the road that brings me peace, so I can show our son, what's acceptable, and what's not acceptable. He won't hear anything from me or my family denigrating his father... who does that ultimately hurt?
I am actually hoping I can have my husband go to at least a few couneling sessions, so somebody ele can tell him how to help our son through this. Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but ..... and then I feel, gawsh, do I have to be responsible for everything. His Dad just may have to lie in the bed he made himself.

Thank you so much for the hands out , it may sound silly, but some of those responses made me cry (again) but tears of hope and relief.

 

[Hoosiermomma]

Saying prayers for strength for you and your son so you can get through that which lies ahead.

I hope that you can get things settled for you and your son so you can start the new year on the right foot!

 

[ChicknJ]

update: Saw a lawyer yesterday... this is going to cost ME alot of money, yuck, I think PC said, divorce is expensive because it's worth it!

Job interview today at three. Normal hours, no nights, weekends or holidays..... and oh my gawd... good pay.

One step at a time , deep breath

 

[thechickenchick]

Quote:
Baby steps! Good luck with the interview. Keep us posted.

That does sound like something PC would say!!

 

[Opa]

You will get finally reach a place in your life where everything feels right. Just keep believing in yourself. Even though it's been years since my divorce I still occasionally see my sons mother at family functions and each time I do I can help but think "Thank you Jesus". I hate to think what my life and the lives of my sons would be had I not taken the action I did.

 

[herefordlovinglady]

Good luck on the interview

. You sound to me that if they pass you by they have lost. I admire your strength, I wish i had more. I will live vicariously through people like you who have made decisions and went forward -- until I can do it for myself.