Looking for support

[annaraven]

Oh honey I'm so sorry!

Tell them to f**** off and go get yourself to a support group. Remember that your hormones are going haywire right now (would be anyways and this makes it worse) and you are NOT in any position to be comforting or reassuring anyone. You deserve to be comforted and reassured yourself. As for the "god's plan" stuff - remember that that's how some folks comfort themselves and they think it'll be comforting to you. Just say thank you and then go get sympathy and comfort from others who you're more in tune with.

Hugs!

 

[b.hromada]

Quote:
This is exactly right.

 

[herefordlovinglady]

I am so very sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart for you.

you have to grieve, no one knows how much you have lost except you. It is hard to find the right words to try and comfort someone, so when someone is searching, just tell them -- I hurt, I am very sad, angry, lost -- don't try to say something to make me feel better you can't -- I have to deal with this on my own.

 

[sfw2]

Oh, honey!

I'm SO sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.

 

[debilorrah]

I am horrified to learn that someone actually would tell you to move on. 20 weeks is a death, not a miscarriage. You knew that child inside you, and it is devestating to lose a life like that. I will keep you in my prayers and I hope you give yourself time to grieve this loss. I am so, so sorry to hear about this.

 

[equine623]

I'm in tears and speechless. Truly I don't know how to thank you all for your loving words...

 

[Chic-n-farmer]

I am very sorry. I have lost two sons, both stillborn at full term. They were our first and third boys. We still don't know why.

There is no end to the stupid things people will say to you. The anger you feel is justified. I wanted to yell at the all the people who said
"you are still young, you can have more babies". I wanted to point out that if their spouse died tomorrow they could always remarry...
would that take away their pain?

Talking to people who have been through this will help you a bit. I remember my 4 year old son holding his dead baby brother and singing the song, that I sang to him, when I rocked him to sleep. It was bad enough the pain my husband and I were in, but to see my child hurting...

Unplug the phone. Don't answer the door. You have suffered a horrible loss. You shouldn't have to deal with everything else. I got so tired of running into people who didn't know and all their questions and misguided attempts at comfort. Just take some time for your immediate family. Sometimes you don't even want to be around your parents, friends and siblings. Unless they have been through it they can't even begin to comprehend what you are going through.

Prayers for your comfort.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Sometimes people just say things because they don't know what else to say. Maybe you should find a quiet spot and isolate yourself for a while just for a breather. I can't even conceive...that kind of news would likely do me in. Be selfish for a little while, you need to sort through YOUR emotions before you can help others. SO very sorry for your loss, and for your little girl who doesn't understand. Bless you both and your DH as well.

 

[sourland]

Other than telling them to **** off, I agree with Annaraven. They are trying to help, and just don't know what to say. NOT God's plan. Sometimes bad stuff happens to good people. Retreat to your own family and find security there. This happened to us with our first child, so my wife and I know how you feel. One day at a time you will carry on.

 

[tammyd57]

I am very much with you in this. Losing a child is one of the hardest things on earth to endure. I know.
Someone who has not lost a child has no idea what you are going through but they do know it is so painful and want to help. They just don't know that there really is no help. Nothing anyone says or does will make it less painful. It doesn't hurt less with time. Nor does it get easier. It only gets different and not quite as sharp.

Take the time you need to grieve.