Lost a good friend and frustrated

[The Yakima Kid]

Well, I've just lost another friend for being judgmental.

She has a new boyfriend who I know all too well. She asked me about him, without telling me he was her new SO.

Some years ago he and a friend of his wished to embark on some questionable Asian tourism; I doubt I need to elaborate other than it involves extreme abuse of others.

I was shocked and appalled. I haven't been around him much since then.

She was angry that I was bothered by that, told me I am "judgmental" and suggested I was somehow slandering his character by bringing this up.

Unfortunately, just the thought of what the two of them planned to do makes me nauseous. I don't think he ever actually did so, but the casualness of the discussion of the matter left me very shaken.

I hate living in California. Seriously.

 

[Quickster]

Being in a new relationship blinds people. They don't want to see anything bad about the other person because the whole butterflies in your stomach phase is so much fun. My guess is that soon, his true colors will come out and she will see exactly how he is and once it is over between them she will probably come to you and say "you were right." I'm sorry that you lost a friend but you did a good think warning her about him.

 

[The Yakima Kid]

Being in a new relationship blinds people. They don't want to see anything bad about the other person because the whole butterflies in your stomach phase is so much fun. My guess is that soon, his true colors will come out and she will see exactly how he is and once it is over between them she will probably come to you and say "you were right." I'm sorry that you lost a friend but you did a good think warning her about him.

I hope you're right. But I am still in shock at her reaction. She literally lectured me on how there was nothing wrong with doing such things.

 

[FridayYet]

I hate living in California. Seriously.

And this has to do with the above ex-friend?................... There are jerks in every state.

 

[The Yakima Kid]

And this has to do with the above ex-friend?................... There are jerks in every state.

It seems that any suggestion that exploiting others might not be a good idea is met with wails about not being judgmental. Suggesting that someone who found a wallet turn it into police or look for the owner was met with "finders keepers, losers weepers" and I lost all respect for that former friend.

The Bay Area seems to be full of people who think the world is all about them, and that others exist only to meet their wants and needs. There are exceptions - but if anyone had told me before I moved here that my best friends would wind up being strict Catholics and strong LDS, I wouldn't have believed it.

 

[FridayYet]

Well I do agree that CA has its share of shallow people, that's for sure.

 

[cluckcluckgirl]

So is your friend calling you judgmental for bringing up an aspect of her SO? If you're just telling her something about him that she needs to know if she's going to jump into a relationship with him, there's nothing wrong with what you did. Yes, often times people can look at their SO with rose-colored glasses and they can also use denial or call you names because they just don't want to face the truth that such-and-such isn't perfect. Since what the SO did involves abuse of others, that's definitely something she should know about!

 

[chanceschickens]

Did you say she said there was nothing wrong wir What he did ?

 

[rebelcowboysnb]

Lost as to how you can faulty someone for telling you what you asked... I am not from that side of the country though so I dont have the right decoder ring.. Probably also why I am still lost about what the guy did...

 

[BarredRockMom]

My Grandmother used to say "Never be sad that people show you who they really are. When you know who you're dealing with, you'll know how to deall." Or not deal with them, as the case may be. One of my favorites is "Ye shall know the tree by it's fruit." Seems that some of he disappointment & frustration you feel may be because you don't like rotten fruit. Frankly, even if she came back later and said you were right, I don't know how you'd get past her utter lack of character and questionable moral compass, seeing as how yours has remained intact.