mad as a wet hen and needing to vent

[goatgirl4008]

We had our monthly goat sale we attend today. So it was a busy day then I get there to see an animal that I bred and raised standing in a sale pen. I was so mad I can't even explain. It all started 3 years ago. There was a young boy that I knew of called me and asked if I would sell him some goats. Of course I did cause if I can help a youngster and get people involved with goats I'm happy to help. So I gave him a real good deal on 4 does and a buck. The buck was a real pretty nicely put together dappled boer. He got a good crop of kids by him this last spring. And I was down there asking him if I could buy a couple doe kids if he wasn't going to keep them all. And I seen Woody he got the name Woody cause just after he was born he was trying to suck on the wood panel and was making a cute fishy lip face. I didn't see any does that struck my fancy. But I did tell his mother if you ever decide to sell Woody I would sure like a chance to buy him she said she would let me know if they were going to sell him. So I was upset when I see him there. No call saying we decided to sell him I hardlly think it just slipped there mind all day they sat across from me at the sale and never once anyone come over to talk about anything. That line is now forever gone cause the packer bought him we had clear back to his great grand dad at sometime on this farm. I was not there when he sold or I might have brought him home. I know it was his animal but wouldn't it have been the right thing to do see if I wanted him. I feel betrayed and hurt. I just ttwant a little politeness. Am I way outta line here? I was taught if you say something and mean it. Now I don't feel I can trust them anymore.

 

[paddock36]

I agree with how you feel about this but maybe they lost your number and when they saw you they were already dedicated to the sale at the auction and didn't know what to do or say.

 

[goatgirl4008]

I would like to believe that but the mother was in our yard yesterday to pay for a bird cage we picked up for her. There was an oppertunity that wasn't taken. I'm just dissappointed that's all, its done and over with now I guess I won't be so helpful and understanding to folks this honestly isn't the first time this family has done something like this. They sold all but 10 does and most of the does they got from us. He came over and would do odd and end chores and then about every third time he could pick a doe as rembursment we could use his help and he had a chance to work with goats and increase his herd. So again I told the boy and his mom that I would like the chance to buy back any of the does they were going to sell that came from our herd. And the same thing happened and we didn't even know they went to the sale. I just got to stick up for myself and not do kind things for these people cause it bites me in the butt everytime.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Maybe they needed the money and thought they would get more for the goat by selling it that way.

I'd be too embarrassed to say to someone, 'I know you want this animal but I can't afford to sell it to you, I have to try and get as much as I can for him'. That would be a very embarrasing thing to have to say.

For example a friend of mine took a much higher offer on a horse from one buyer who just stopped by. Her friend had wanted the horse, but offered a lot lower. She had to take the higher offer. She discussed it with her husband, and he was saying, 'don't you DARE take the lower offer'. Then her friend did not speak to her again after that. You'd think friendship would be stronger than to fall apart over the sale of an animal.

Today so many people have lost their jobs, had their hours cut, or are taking lower paying jobs just to have something, anything. Those that have not had that happen, are afraid it will happen any minute. People are just walking around worrying all the time. And explaining every detail of their decisions they have to make is embarrassing and shames them. So we say, 'you gotta do what you gotta do'. Friends should understand.

 

[gavinandallison]

Just don't offer any more help...... They knew, and I feel it was underhand not to give you first refusal, and the goat could have been withdrawn from the auction at no cost..... Or you should have stayed and bid on the goat...

 

[onthespot]

I agree. If the goat was that important to you you would have stayed and bought it back yourself. Still, that being said, if they were supposed to tell you before they sold the goat, they should have done so. They didn't, so from here on out, don't do them any favors. If you need to sell goats, take them to the sale. If they want them, they can buy them there.

 

[harleyhappy]

well, the thing is since it was your neighbors goat, they were free to sell it whenever they wanted to whoever they wanted. once you have sold something, it no longer belongs to you.

that said,

Quote:
if i was you, i would definitely be done doing kind things for these neighbors. i wouldn't sell them any more animals, i wouldn't give the kid odd jobs, i wouldn't pick up things in town for the mother. i hate to sound harsh, but they have demonstrated that they don't believe in treating neighbors with courtesy.

 

[goatgirl4008]

I agree with everybody I'm not good at holding grudges. So I probably won't help them out, I know in my heart I can't treat everyone like that cause there are good people out there who will help me and I will still do the same for them. I just had to get it off my chest about the whole situation that's all. I know the times are tight. I have been with out a job fr awhile now. It all comes down you got to do what you got to do to keep the lights on. Thanks for listening to my ranting.

 

[fl_deb]

Goat girl = I think you just need to learn from other people's actions how trustworthy they may be, plus let people know what/how you want to be treated and what you will not tolerate from others. I believe that we do train other people on how we should be treated, there are exceptions, of course.


It was a harsh lesson for you, but a wake up call nevertheless.

 

[welsummerchicks]

I think it would be a bad idea to hold this against them, or to think that every nice thing we do must be paid back with something we want, but that we don't express that the favor is tied to something else.

I think nice things should be done for people without a sense of obligation or inner feeling that they must then do what we want.

I call it having 'Secret Rules'. They are expectations, that when we do something for someone, that we want something in return. But we don't tell the person about it. We just expect the person to KNOW that they are now, secretly obligated to us.

I don't think 'Secret Rules' are fair, and I think we won't openly express our 'Secret Rules' because we realize full well that they sound petty and selfish. We don't want to SAY that we expect something in return, but we do. We really, really do.

Example. I sell you a horse. I expect you to show the horse, and I have a very good reason for that. It will help publicize my horse training business.

Sooooo....I mention that the horse really deserves to be shown, and you agree that you'd like to show the horse.

Turns out, you don't have enough money to pay for show entries and there's an unexpected expense that means it will probably never be shown.

All of a sudden, I start snubbing you, but you don't have any idea why. It's because of the 'Secret Rule', that I do you a favor, but in my mind, that favor is conditional, it's not at all a 'freebie'. I want something in return. What the truth is, that I only DID you the favor because I expect something for you.

I have a rule that I learned to follow after both having and suffering from other people's 'Secret Rules'. If I am unable to TELL the person the Secret Rule, then I am not going to keep thinking that he should FOLLOW that Secret Rule. In return, I expect my friends that if they have a Secret Rule in mind, they will tell me about it, and I'll tell them if I can actually follow their Secret Rule.

We have Secret Rules all the time, and they cause us endless suffering, just as other people's Secret Rules cause us suffering. Better to be rid of the whole thing.