I see it differently. What she didn't say was that if they did not give her an opportunity to buy the goat, she was going to be this angry - angry enough to complain and discuss these people, their habits, history, etc in a public forum and consider never having anything to do with them again or doing them another favor.
THAT is the secret rule. Only an extremely tiny part of the rule was spoken - 'I'd like first refusal if you ever decide to sell the goat'. The REST of it - the extreme consequences, etc, all secret.
'Our continued friendship and my good will rides on whether you give me first refusal on this goat'. THAT'S the real rule.
People rarely divulge their 'secret rules'. They think them, they do not speak them.
Another example. Kids are sitting watching TV. Mom comes home with groceries. Says nothing, expects kids to realize she came home and has groceries to shelve and wants their help. When they do not come in without being told or asked, she gets her suitcase, packs it, gets in the car and drives away at a top speed - driving so angrily she totals the car.
The Secret Rule is that if the kids don't help unpack groceries without being asked or told, she will lose it, pack to leave, get in the car, drive like mad, and total the car.
The KIDS thought the rule was, if mom needs help and the kids aren't in the same room where they can SEE she needs help, or HEAR that she needs help, she'll say, 'Jim, John, come in here and help me unpack groceries'. TOO, they often hesitated to get involved unless told to, as there were occasions when Mom said, angrily, 'DON'T HELP ME', and they had no idea why, so they would just shrug and try to stay out of her way.
They also thought that she had gone out to get a carton of milk, which is what she said, and she wouldn't have needed help with. They saw her come in the drive, but did not (probably could not) see all the groceries in the car or her coming in the back door with one big bag.
So, totaled car, angry parents, angry kids, angry husband. Secret rule.
Husband says - 'if you had groceries to shelve, say KIDS, GET IN HERE, SHELVE GROCERIES - NOW'.
Kids say, 'WHAAA HAPPEN? CAR TOTALED? We would have helped if she told us she had more groceries!'
Hubby and kids both say, 'Why didn't you just tell them to come in and shelve groceries???? Why not just yell for me in the basement??? I'LL DO IT! Anything rather than have you blow your top and wreck the car'
The answer amounts to: 'BECAUSE OF MY SECRET RULE!!!!!!' In other words, everyone should just KNOW your needs and read your mind.
This had been going on for years, and it had gotten to the point where she felt so completely unloved and so uncared for that she just blew her stack. She ALSO had problems at work. She'd work extra and then be angry she wasn't given more vacation time. She expected her boss to do just what she expected her family to do - to know her secret rules and always abide by them. In fact, at work, NO ONE got extra time off for staying late. NO ONE. They were told when they hired on, no comp time. Sorry, company can't afford it. In fact, company can't afford to hire enough people so EVERYONE is overloaded. Still want the job? In fact, those that stayed late were less likely to get laid off, but they didn't get comp time.
Not made up. Mom called crisis center screaming about inconsiderate children and husband.
She could not see that her expectation that the husband and children be mind readers was going to work that well. She also began to realize that even if they didn't all rush to her side when she arrived with groceries, that didn't mean they didn't love and care about her.
Mom learned not to have secret rules, and she was a HECK of a lot happier. She made her needs abundantly clear and it was amazing how much happier she was. She'd learn to call and say, 'I have a TON of groceries, I'm tired and my feet hurt, and I WANT HELP'. Surprisingly, everyone met her at the door and said, 'GIVE ME THOSE BAGS'.
If it was THAT important to get to buy back the goat, it probably shouldn't have been sold in the first place, or it should have been sold with a contract with first refusal conditions specified. Keeping in mind that it is not likely that a court would enforce any first refusal clauses in a contract!
No one wants to voice their Secret Rules, because they EXPECT people to do it 'as a courtesy'. Which is another Secret Rule.
And the most explosive situation is where BOTH people are angry about their own secret rules! Once I asked one gal why she wouldn't invite another person to her party, and she said, 'Because she was so inconsiderate of me so many times!' When we delved into it we found that SHE was angry because HER secret rules were not automatically known, exactly what the OTHER lady claimed!
Not everyone is going to agree that we have 'Secret Rules' and that they damage our interactions with each other. This info is just for those who are interested in considering 'Secret Rules' and how they affect us all.
