Mental Health... trying to sort this out...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by harleyjo, May 8, 2011.

  1. harleyjo

    harleyjo Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 6, 2010
    SW Iowa
    I am a mom of a grown, almost 31 year old son. There is something going on with him and I don't know what I am dealing with. Since he was in his late teens he has had a pattern of very destructive behavior. His dad and I divorced when he was around 12 years old.

    He had ADD in school that was treated with Ritalin. He was married and divorced within around 4 years. He had a son with his first wife. He is very impulsive and immature. He seems to be able to get along with either his dad or me at one time, never both of us at the same time and that can change overnight.

    He has anger issues and he lies all the time. An impulsive thing he did just last year at the age of 30, he was upset about something with his dad and was getting along with me. He told me that he would just love to call his dads work and make up a lie that might get his dad fired.

    My partner(boyfriend) and I discussed it and we decided that we needed to warn my ex in the event that my son did this. Within a few weeks my son made that call and my ex's boss had to come search his house because of what was said on the phone call and so then my ex was able to tell him what happened.

    That was just plain wrong. It is one thing to be upset about something but to take it to those extremes.... My son is still not talking to me because I want him to come over and talk to me and he just wants to argue on the phone. Part of this is because he has made up already with my ex and my son is still manipulating my ex because he doesn't want to cause problems with his relationship with our son. I feel this is only making my son's problems worse.
    My son has lost several jobs because of his attitude and temper. Another problem is he remarried someone who is also very immature and they feed off of each other. He is very emotional and I feel unstable. He makes immature and inappropriate comments, even to his grandmother.

    He is on anti anxiety meds and supposedly seeing a therapist. I am sure he is not being honest based on some things he told me before he quit talking to me. Any idea what I am dealing with here?
  2. Squishy

    Squishy Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 2, 2011
    Well... ermmmm...
    I know you are having trouble being as you are in the thick of it... but it doesent sound like it is necessarily a disorder to me. I would just think he has anger issues and perhaps a lack of maturity. My brother is somewhat the same and even violent, but I wouldn't give him the excuse of a mental health issue.

    Unless there is some way that you can contact the therapist and let them know what you are seeing, there is nothing you can do. Just distance yourself from him.
    If it turns out he does indeed have a true disorder.... it will come to light in time. Psychologists are good at sussing out the truth from their patients, and not easily fooled.
    There is no way to know, as an untrained observer, looking at his behaviour from the outside, what his true problem is... and unfortunately, unless he is at some point baker acted, there is no way to force a diagnosis... diagnosis in that situation isen't always spot-on anyway. No way to know...


  3. harleyjo

    harleyjo Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 6, 2010
    SW Iowa
    I have read about Borderline Personality Disorder and wondered about it?
  4. hikerchick

    hikerchick Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 6, 2009
    Dover, PA
    Quote:I had a family member diagnosed with BPD and the symptoms were very similar. I don't think trying to understand someone's mental illness means that you are giving them an "excuse". Illness is illness. People can't help it.
  5. Sierra pachie bars

    Sierra pachie bars Queen of the Lost

    Nov 8, 2008
    Biopolar ? My oldest daughter no longer lives with us for her issues. She is violent , had major mood swings. But shes pretty so people find it hard to believe she has the issues she does. She tried to poison my youngest son, we caught her..we know she is connected in several cat deaths but prove it 100%. its hard to accept it but i had to do what was best for my other three kids.
    I think she was on depacoat. (sp ?) all I know is its hard when its your own child. Her biological father has the same issues. And I guess their side has mental type issues. But as of yet nobodies ever been able to exactly tell what is wrong with that side of the family. They all have it.. Its almost like they have no feelings other then their needs and wants. My daughter could look at you with blank stare and shows no compassion. She will do whatever to get what she feels like she is in title too. Its unreal.
    Shes been in four mental hospitals and they say its biopolar with psychotic tendencies .
  6. harleyjo

    harleyjo Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 6, 2010
    SW Iowa
    I just don't understand how I can be wonderful one day and on the outs the next day. He is so moody and when he gets upset he starts talking about ending it all. So then his dad just jumps. I understand he needs help and I have been there and back with him but at what point is it just for attention? Spends money going out to eat all the time but yet always has to have help. He takes his family to a hotel water park, then can't pay rent.... I could go on and on.
  7. Squishy

    Squishy Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 2, 2011
    I really don't thnk anyone can diagnose something for you without being a professional... mental illness is even more complicated than physical ailments.
    I still stand by my thoughts, that while there are alot of people with serious, actual disorders.. not everyone with a mood problem or a lack of morals has a mental disorder...
    You said he talks of.. ermmm... family friendly forum.... then the solution is easy for you. Next time you hear that he has spoken of this... call to have him baker acted. This is the exact reason the law was put in place.. to protect people from themselves. Going through this event can be very disturbing for alot of people... but it can also be a big wake-up call. It will get him started on a path to proper diagnosis... and if he is just playing for sympathy, he will stop. He could be released fairly quickly, or held for a longer period if he is truly serious about his thoughts. It is a good way for you to know, on that count.
    Anyway.. it's totally up to you what you do. As I said, the diagnosis given in this situation isen't *always* spot-on.. but at least he will have to talk to people to see himself released. It's not something to do or threaten to do because of anger.. but something to keep in mind if he talks of what you mentioned.
    I hope I haven't upset anyone talking about this... these are just my thoughts and hoping to help you out in your situation.
  8. ARose4Heaven

    ARose4Heaven Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 16, 2009
    Flippin, AR
    When I started reading your original post, I thought, That's my Bubba! But then my 30 year old son has an excuse for his behavior. He had a car accident when he was 18 and has brain damage. He functions exactly the way you describe your son. . Impulsive, dishonest, self-destructive, hears voices, retaliatory, and at times dangerous.

    I keep my contact with my son to a minimum. He's trying to be his late father ( a verbally abusive domineering, hothead who died over 10 years ago).

    My current DH does everything possible to make visits on Bubba's turf, not ours. I love the buzzard...what mother doesn't? But trust him?...not on my life! I have found that the best way to help him is to stay clear as much as possible and let him live in whatever mess he makes for himself. If someone asks me for an opinion or assessment of him, I am very noncommittal, telling them to go slow and get to know him for themselves. My son has worn out his welcome at every hospital, clinic and psych-ward within a 4 county area. All the law enforcement agencies know him well.

    I agree that yours may have a disorder, but for your own safety and sanity, just stay clear. Let his behavior lead him to the help he needs. If you try to be involved, he will use you as a scapegoat to avoid facing his problems.
  9. debilorrah

    debilorrah The Great Guru of Yap Premium Member

    Quote:I agree with this, and the posibility of Aspergers.
  10. featherbaby

    featherbaby Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 18, 2009
    Jacksonville, FL 32210
    There's a wonderfully enlightening book available called: Tough Love. When you are dealing with a manipulative sociopath there are certain things you must do to keep yourself safe and sane. Manipulation is a game that takes at least two to play. He will always win that game if you play it with him. The only way to win the game is not to play it. The issues you've described are serious. I believe everyone has choices of what to do and how to act. He has chosen to act in a socially unacceptable way. Nothing you say will change his actions or motivations. Only what you do will matter. I highly recommend this book. It will give you a better understanding of how this type of personality operates and how to effectively deal with it. It saved my health and sanity many years ago.

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