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I think it's wrong that someone who was once your friend should be the pissy one. You have (IMO) every right to be upset and hurt by her behavior and sudden turn on you. We are very close with one of our neighbors. He loves to drop stuff into the runs for the chickens or ducks. He'll come and sit and talk to Bella the pig and give her snacks. He helps me a lot on my really bad days with pain, goes fishing with us or just sits at the bonfire and chats with us. But if he did the same thing, I could never forgive him. I don't see Tom ever doing that, but I'm sure you didn't see your neighbor doing it either which adds to the resentment.
So, I can understand that talking about her is not who you are, many of us (like me) are guilty of it now or then, especially when it's someone so close. To me you don't owe an apology, it's totally understandable, but it's great you offered one anyway. But I agree, DONT roll over and let her have her way. She already had part of it. Keep the chickens you have, it's not her home or her life. They aren't hurting her, she's just being spiteful!