Miscarriage or not?

[ThatChick]

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. I had a miscarriage at about 6 weeks and as soon as they did the ultrasound and detected no heartbeat they told me it was for sure. They haven't told you that yet, and I think that if they thought you had most certainly miscarried then they would have said that to you. If I were you I would just remain cautious and hope for the best.

And just a note about the head lice since you are a teacher and will most likely encounter it again. I use this comb to treat my daughter when she gets it at school and myself whenever I've gotten it from her and it works without having to use any of the chemicals and it's really easy to treat yourself. http://www.amazon.com/Terminator-Professional-Stainless-Treatment-Removes/dp/B000HIBPV8 It's on ebay cheaper than this, too.

 

[Poupoulles]

I'm so sorry about everything you are going through. And you have nothing to be lectured about, so I am a little surprised by your principal's attitude.

Sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs - a miscarriage at any time is really hard to go through.

 

[michickenwrangler]

Yes, that stainless steel comb works wonders.

And I did call my ob/gyn on Friday and he didn't come right out and say "your baby has died" but he sounded pretty final: told me that he was sorry, said that it does happen. The follow up is more for DBF's sake than mine although DBF I think has accepted it, at least outwardly. No great loss without some small gain, he told his mother what happened and ended up spending an afternoon talking with her about her miscarriage (which he never knew she had), so some mother/son bonding did occur that probably wouldn't have otherwise.

My dad called last night. He is an MD (he specializes in internal medicine) and told me basically what ob/gyn and mom have been telling me: if the ultrasound didn't catch it at 11, almost 12 weeks, it's probably not alive.

And 2 sonographers looked at the monitor. A cheery younger gal greeted us and said she was going to be the tech. OK, cool, whatever. During the sonogram she left and got her supervisor to look at it. The supervisor (a middle aged woman) was the one who called the doc and told me I had to go to the clinic. I will give the first gal credit for getting a second person to look.

Again, no cramps or bleeding yet. My stomach bulge where I was starting to show feels softer, I don't know if that means anything or not.

As for my principal, I know my performance has waned quite a bit during these last 6 weeks. I want to talk to her about it, but at the same time I feel like I'll be whining since so many other women manage to teach and be pregnant and have children. But ... these women aren't recently widowed and they also have prep time. I don't get prep time, yes I get paid for it, but I get absolutely no downtime at all during the day. 55 minutes student free for me to make copies, plan and enter grades would be wonderful. After my husband died and I mentioned that I would need it, I was told by our union representative that "Be glad you have a job. Don't complain or they'll find someone who won't." I know the stress contributed to the miscarriage even if it didn't outright cause it.

Thank you again everyone for support and kind words.

 

[EweSheep]

I had a miscarriage as well and I agree with your father! Stress was the factor for me as well and Mom and Dad all said it may not meant to be because of God. (Yeah right!

)

Eventually you shall have another when the timing is right. Spring is almost around the corner! I do not know what to think of the principal but it was pretty dumb for him to say that "make a good impression on the kids". Well kids are smart but they are not in your personal life! They do not need to know if you are married or not but the baby will always have loving parents to be doted on!

Hope for better things for you!

 

[babylady4]

I have had 3 miscarriages; two at 12 weeks and one at appx. 4 weeks. Of the two 12 week pregnancies, the first was a set of twins. The 12 week pregnancy losses were just like being in labor, lots of heavy cramping. the 4 week one was just like a normal period (but a little heavier bleeding, and yes I knew I was pregnant). Your body will reject the pregnancy soon, just a waiting game at this point. Here is a good link with a lot of information you should look into.

http://www.gynob.com/miscarri.htm


If I were you, I would still have a sit down with your boss and explain what has happened. It is not a sob story and you are not complaining, just giving them a little insight as to what you have been going through. It is not weakness either and comparing yourself to others who have NOT been in your shoes is not fair to yourself. You have had a year of he!! and I think you have proven to be a very strong woman! Is there a regulation in your contract that states you will not cohabitate with your significant other while employed at that establishment? I am wondering if there is precedent for this..... anyway, is this how they treat every woman who walks in with an unintended pregnancy???
Getting off soapbox.....

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know you will be hearing that a lot, and it gets very old. Just go about your business and grieve when you need to, you will eventually come out the other side. As far as the holier than thou lecturers, they can all take a hike.

 

[michickenwrangler]

Our principal is a woman who has had 4 kids of her own and a swarm of grandchildren. My students all know that I am widowed since I missed 2 weeks back when Wayne died. The students and their parents were all very sympathetic to my situation.

Now I work in 2 different buildings (the reason I don't have a prep period) and DBF was a custodian at the RCMS (acronym used for clarity) when he and I began dating. His daughter is in 4th grade there and he goes to a church a few miles from that school. He also used to live in that area. The district I work for is the largest geographic district in Michigan so there is 15 miles of driving between the two buildings. Any rate, many people in that area know him from his work at the school and his involvement in the local Baptist church. Keep in mind that this is also a small town, if we go to K-Mart or to Taco Bell, I run into my students. We saw many of my students when he and I took the girls (my daughter and his) to the county fair last summer. His daughter is now in Girl Scouts and he's an involved Girl Scout dad. His daughter's troop consists of Juniors, Seniors & Cadets so there are 5 of my students in that troop. A boy came up to me a few weeks ago and asked, "You're dating David, aren't you? He goes to my church." I'm known among the 4th graders as "Abby's dad's girlfriend." Trust me, my students know I am dating.

I was called into the office toward the end of February and told I was being rated as an "ineffective" teacher which at the very least will deny me tenure and at the worst will cause my contract to not be renewed. I'll admit, my classroom management has slipped, again due to my lack of energy and overall feelings of yuckiness. I just don't have the energy to argue with students about when they should sharpen their pencils (I'm serious, this was something I was marked down for). Yet last year my 2 evals were good and my 2nd one stated that my classroom management had improved over the first one. My eval at the beginning of the year was good as well, especialy since I had a very difficult student in the class when I was being observed and I was told I "handled him well". So apparently, if I have 1 bad eval out of 4 that is grounds for dismissal. Granted, our new governor is revamping MI tenure laws, but in this economy and in a state where 11 out of 13 universities have teaching programs, I could be replaced quite easily.

And rather than encouraging me to do better, all it's doing is raising my anxiety levels. Again, added to morning sickness, a bad cold, anemia from headlice, the fact that I'm not eating well due to morning sickness, nothing helped.

 

[HeatherLynn]

I know this will sound so bad. if she said about being discrete about being pregnant because you have to be a good role model....well that sorta sounds like a sexist comment and yes they can come from the same sex. I would mention the stress that comment put you under when you talk to her. I would also state that it seems becomming pregnant was the starting point of where you and the school parted ways. Almost like the pregnancy has something to do with your contract not being renewed. Yes you admit your performance has seemed a bit lagging compared to usual due to illness but 6 weeks doesn't cancel more than a year AND all other reviews were positive. Its just something to throw out there.

Ok I am done being evil now, but seriously I would consider it.

 

[redhen]

 I know this will sound so bad. if she said about being discrete about being pregnant because you have to be a good role model....well that sorta sounds like a sexist comment and yes they can come from the same sex.  I would mention the stress that comment put you under when you talk to her. I would also state that it seems becomming pregnant was the starting point of where you and the school parted ways. Almost like the pregnancy has something to do with your contract not being renewed. Yes you admit your performance has seemed a bit lagging compared to usual due to illness but 6 weeks doesn't cancel more than a year AND all other reviews were positive. Its just something to throw out there.

Ok I am done being evil now, but seriously I would consider it.

Yep, i would too...

 

[newfoundland]

I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. Any of these situations is hard to handle but one following on from another is especially distressing. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, I just started to feel 'less pregnant'. I noticed that the morning sickness was also disappearing. Eventually, after a few days, I started to bleed and cramp. I went to hospital and had a D and C. It is an awful feeling when you are waiting for the inevitable to happen.

Having worked in schools I know what a stressful job it is, and if you are not in the best of health it takes it's toll on you. Would it be possible to go onto sick leave? I feel you had very little time off when you lost your husband, hardly enough time to begin grieving really. While you are in such personal turmoil you cannot be expected to execute such a demanding job as efficiently as you have in better times. I am surprised that the school have not been more supportive of you, there is much they could still do to help you through these difficult days. My advice to you is put yourself first. Think of your own health and well being. You owe it to yourself and those that love you. My very best wishes are with you.

 

[debilorrah]

I agree with Heather Lynn, that the woman told you to be discreet about something that is wonderful tells me she is a judgemental person. One would hope that after the loss of your husband and now your child they would not berate you for poor performance. Good grief.

I am so lucky I work for caring people.