Miscarriage or not?

[Sonoran Silkies]

I honestly think that taking some sick time would be beneficial for you--get away from the stress, and focus on yourself. It sounds like you have probably added another grief to one that is not yet healed, and you need time for that.

From the standpoint of a parent, if you truly are not effective in managing your class, while they may understand that you have a legitimate reason for not being on top of things, it does nothing to help their kids. Even if you feel that you cannot take full time off, maybe you could drop one of the locations? It sounds like anything that eases your stress would be helpful to everyone.

You do need to have a long talk with your principal. Your effectiveness in managing your students and teaching them is a legitimate concern of hers. If you work for a public school system, your legal activities outside the classroom border on, if they do not cross, the bounds of her legitimate concern. This is a tricky area, and you may well have a legitimate harassment complaint against her for her comments. You will have to decide whether to discuss it with the EEOC. Here is a link with information: http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm

 

[WingingIt]

I honestly think that taking some sick time would be beneficial for you--get away from the stress, and focus on yourself. It sounds like you have probably added another grief to one that is not yet healed, and you need time for that.

From the standpoint of a parent, if you truly are not effective in managing your class, while they may understand that you have a legitimate reason for not being on top of things, it does nothing to help their kids. Even if you feel that you cannot take full time off, maybe you could drop one of the locations? It sounds like anything that eases your stress would be helpful to everyone.

You do need to have a long talk with your principal. Your effectiveness in managing your students and teaching them is a legitimate concern of hers. If you work for a public school system, your legal activities outside the classroom border on, if they do not cross, the bounds of her legitimate concern. This is a tricky area, and you may well have a legitimate harassment complaint against her for her comments. You will have to decide whether to discuss it with the EEOC. Here is a link with information: http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm

I agree with Sonoran Silkies. Of course the stresses have impacted you, how could they not?!?! It's very mature and responsible of you to admit that things have been slacking in the classroom lately. Having said that, though, it's possible that some of the comments from the principal are due to parent comments/complaints, especially if they know and are used to your 'before' management skills, you know? When people haven't been down a road, they have no idea what it's like and I'd bet you anything that parents have complained to her saying something along the lines of: well, she's dating again, so why isn't she running the classroom like before again, too? Or some other stuff similar in nature, not knowing that sometimes one area of life is affected more than others, or it moves around, etc.

I see no reason that your doctor can't write you off work for a while for recovery. If you need something to help you sleep, ask for it. Hopefully several days away from school with good rest, eating well and taking care of YOU will help everything fall into place better.

 

[newfoundland]

I really can't believe parents would be that crass and insensitive. Unless things have been going seriously wrong in the classroom, which I doubt, how would they know anything about the day to day running of the lessons. In many schools here, a teacher under this much strain would be withdrawn from the classroom to work in perhaps a one to one capacity or with small groups needing extra help.

A headteacher manages, that is their role. They must manage teachers as well as pupils and often parents. It is extremely poor management style to offer so little support to a member of staff going through a crisis like this. If necessary a competent headteacher will take over the role of class teacher himself/herself, in order to help a colleague who is so obviously struggling with bereavement and ill health. I call this a poor deal on behalf of the school.

 

[WingingIt]

We don't have headteachers here. I've never heard of that, but it sounds like a neat thing in places where it exists.

While I'd like to say I agree with newfoundland that the parent's wouldn't be that unconcerned about the teacher, I can't. Our teacher had a baby five months ago. She was given some scary news while pg. that made her pg. risky, her marriage have issues, made her miss work, etc. The school brought in a long time substitute when she was written out medically.

The teacher has been back for three months now. She has a special needs baby, she's not getting a lot of sleep and she's stressed over therapy for the baby, etc.

Yes, it's making a difference in the classroom and yes, we can tell. My child comes home telling me how they watched a movie because the teacher told them she forgot to get the work pages copied or that so-and-so got yelled at when they did something wrong, they had to hold the buses because she was still giving them stuff after the bell rang, things like that. Another easy way to tell is that we have that (stupid, IMO) standardized testing and my child's recent scores are VERY different now than before.

The work gets harder, but when a lot of students go from mastery to not mastering skills, you wonder. When we all get a letter home talking about how so many in our class had their scores go down drastically, you know something is going on.

I have no idea if what's happened in your classroom relates in degree of seriousness at all to what's going on in ours, but you principal should be offering ways/suggestions to help along with passing her concerns along. That's her job! Ours has been in contact with us parents and let us know that they have added another classroom volunteer to help the teacher out.

Your union rep. should be backing you up on what you are ENTITLED to have per your contract! Is there a way to work with another rep. instead of that one? It's not realistic to expect you to magically have stuff get done during a break period when there's NO BREAK PERIOD! Shame on that rep!

I want to repeat, too, that I think your doctor can maybe help you out here, too. If he/she writes you off medically, they better all do their jobs and cover for you and reinstate you at the end of that time.

I'm sorry you are facing even more stress.

 

[FireTigeris]

Federal Medical Leave Act - 12 weeks

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

By 11-12 weeks an ultrasound should be detecting an obvious fetus and you should even be able to see the heart beating and all four limbs. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I had a miscarriage last year at 6 weeks and it was horrible. ((hugs)) please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further.

 

[ThatChick]

I have to say I agree with HeatherLynn and SonorianSilkies. I would definitely try to get some time off work and I would also ask that the doctor list the reasons as stress as well as recovery for the miscarriage. That should begin to give you some documentation to back you up. If you want to keep your job, you may have to fight for it. I definitely wouldn't want to be let go as an ineffective teacher when there are medical reasons to back up what happened. Also, the principal does sound like she was stepping over the line commenting on your relationship and pregnancy status. Just my opinion.

 

[debilorrah]

Federal Medical Leave Act - 12 weeks

This is only valid for companies that have 50 or more employees at a facility within 50 miles of where a person works. Which completely sucks!!!!

 

[michickenwrangler]

Our district is huge geographically speaking, the largest in Michigan in land area. Between all the buildings and support staff, we do have min 50 employees within a 50 mile radius.

DBF and I go in tomorrow for ultrasound and meeting with the ob/gyn. Still haven't had any major cramping and no bleeding (although I do have a headache).

I'll just have to wait and see what happens tomorrow

 

[WingingIt]

I'm glad to read that you have enough fellow employees to force them to comply with FMLA.

for tomorrow's appt.