I believe the color you were looking for for the creamy bay stallion in chapter 8 would be bay rabicano. Here is an example-
Mitty - The horse story
- Thread starter WooingWyandotte
- Start date
WW, In chapter 10 you copied dreamworks, but i'm sure they don't care.
What do you do with yourself all dayWW? Your public awaits impatiently :-D
- Thread starter
- #154
Quote:
I did?
- Thread starter
- #155
Quote:
I wanted it to be bit lighter and more creamish....kind of like a diluted Red Roan.
I wanted it to be bit lighter and more creamish....kind of like a diluted Red Roan.
- Thread starter
- #156
And, could I get more feedback? I don't want to publish this, but I do want to enhance my writing. Is my story too fast-paced? Could I add less adjectives? Could I describe the landscape better?
Why don't you write another chapter and we can let you know
Quote:
I did?
Beginning of the kids movie Spirit, a mountain lion almost catches two foals, he chases it away. I don't think dreamworks cares though.
Beginning of the kids movie Spirit, a mountain lion almost catches two foals, he chases it away. I don't think dreamworks cares though.
Quote:
I think you could use better word choice, and you really need to write this somewhere with automatic spell-check. Also, some of the horse sounds you wrote, are not sounds horses would make, although I like how you showed the fighting in the herd, which would happen in a real herd but most forget to put it. Very descriptive, use as much description as you possibly can!
You aren't publishing it? Why?
You totally should!
I think you could use better word choice, and you really need to write this somewhere with automatic spell-check. Also, some of the horse sounds you wrote, are not sounds horses would make, although I like how you showed the fighting in the herd, which would happen in a real herd but most forget to put it. Very descriptive, use as much description as you possibly can!
You aren't publishing it? Why?
- Thread starter
- #160
Quote:
I think you could use better word choice, and you really need to write this somewhere with automatic spell-check. Also, some of the horse sounds you wrote, are not sounds horses would make, although I like how you showed the fighting in the herd, which would happen in a real herd but most forget to put it. Very descriptive, use as much description as you possibly can!
You aren't publishing it? Why?
You totally should!
How could I use better word choice? Could you use one of my sentences to give me an example? And, please excuse my spelling too
When I edit this I'll fix it. And what sorta sounds did I make the horses do, again? Thank you for this help!
I really appreciate it. And, it didn't cross my mind that a cougar attacked two foals in Spirit also. Oh well, not like it's copyrighted
I'll put the next chapter up maybe today, I've been really busy and I need to buy my friend a Breyer Horse. Woot! Me and her loooove Breyer Horses.
I think you could use better word choice, and you really need to write this somewhere with automatic spell-check. Also, some of the horse sounds you wrote, are not sounds horses would make, although I like how you showed the fighting in the herd, which would happen in a real herd but most forget to put it. Very descriptive, use as much description as you possibly can!
You aren't publishing it? Why?
How could I use better word choice? Could you use one of my sentences to give me an example? And, please excuse my spelling too
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