mummy to be

[qwackers]

I'd love to go and rummage but I'm worried I'll get shouted at or something. Those kids, do you know what...they blimmin pushed the slab out of the wall back into the garden! Little sods! So I've put it in there again. Trouble is the next time they do it and it falls out it could land on a duckling .

Well I got a dress, not sure what I think of it though. I really hate clothes shopping, it's depressing! Got a couple of tops and a cardi. Treated myself to some posh perfume too.

I thought you had it all sussed with your career choice? There are a lot of things I'd like to do that's the trouble. I'd like to teach, landscape designer, open my own shop, open my own eating place, do my art/ photography, help people in some way, incorporate learning languages. Whatever I do it would have to have some creative link in it as that's my thing really.

I'm sorry to hear you parents split when you were little. Mine did recently in comparison but had been simmering since I was about ten. I'm glad your newish dad is cool. do you have any contact with your bio dad?
I have no idea where Pennsylvania is, I shall Google it! My American geography us a little ropey. I have relatives in Colorado and Minnesota and have been doing spot of family history on that side of my family, when the moved over they lived in Massachusetts and New Hampshire. So that's about as far as my knowledge goes other than the basics!

Ahh I get what you mean now about the Christmas thing.

 

[Megan Amber]

Aww, that would not be good if it landed on a baby. Maybe you should scare them! My little neighbor boys sound a lot like that, recently began demolishing our fence in progress!

Yeah....the career thing. I think I do but I have always been wishy washy about it. Same issue, loads of things I want to do but I need to find a way to melt it all together! And get the parents to agree! What kind of art/photography do you do? Sounds cool and you seem to have many talents,I'm sure the perfect thing will present itself to you.

Nope, no contact, did a long time ago but not anymore. I don't really want to either, I always thought that my creepo drunk neighbor reminds me of him. I hate the simmering stage-worse than the actual break up,was harder on my brother though than it was on me. And pennsylvania is at the top of the states, florida is at the bottom and now were about in the middle!

Perfume is fun! About the only girly thing I wear!

 

[qwackers]

Yeh maybe I will scare them. I was staring right at them through the hole yesterday and they didn't even see me! I swear one looked right at me!

My parents never really had a lot of input in regards to our careers, they just said do what makes you happy. Which is nice but not particularly helpful! I've got 2 you get sisters who are twins. Theyve got it sussed. One is a teacher at s music academy and the other us a tattoo apprentice. and then there's me still stuck in the same job since I was 17! Part of my problem is not having the confidence to try anything. I'm so scared of failing. Even job interviews, I get so stressed out about it my stomach goes nuts and so I don't do it because I'm so ill or so scared of being ill!

How old were you when they split if you don't mind me asking? Yeh it's sucked. I think I mentioned before that due to my stomach I've had different therapies and things, now with my new one quite a lot of things have come up from when I was a kid. After that session I felt like I'd been in a car wreck. But since them my stomach has been way calmer than normal. Wondering if it's a coincidence!

Thank you for filling in my geographical blanks, now I can picture it!

I'm off to sleepy byes now. Talk soon nunight x x

 

[Megan Amber]

Yeah I don't mind you asking! I think I was three or four, like I said I barely remember it, but my brother was six or seven and he took it hard.

Wow, you have twin sisters! Are they identical? If I have kids one day I wanted twins. I was kinda hoping my brother would have twins but I don't know yet, they had a ultrasound and the doc said it was one with a very, very strong heartbeat-I thought that was sign of there being two.

Failure is an issue in my life to, I feel like I constantly do things wrong and what's funny is my stomach acts up to. It was so bad a few years back that I couldn't even got to the store cause I would get stressed and my stomach would turn into an iron ball!! Still does sometimes and it is always making noises and stuff when I get nervous or excited. Weird!

Sleep Well, And I hope those kids leave your wall alone!

 

[Megan Amber]

Okay so I've been thinking about it all night,trying really hard to come up with a cure for confidence issues. It always seems to be the smart and good people that have them. And I don't think that's fair. I think that maybe step one is to learn that we can survive things.

For example we're so afraid of doing something wrong in someones eyes and honestly to someone everything is wrong and a failure. No matter what someone will always see things the opposite way you do. But what if you picked one thing everyday that you think "oh I could never do that, I would look stupid or it would be embarassing" and did that. Doesn't have to be a big thing. Just something like wearing something you usually don't wear or running when you should be walking and then getting more daring each time. Doesn't even have to be in public, you could splat an egg on your head at home for no reason.

I don't know. Might not do anything, I've always found it a bit annoying when people say do something new every day, but this is a little different, start learning that confidence is for you, feeling good about yourself is for you. It's for finding what you want.

The other important thing is to let people love you. This can be really hard, is really hard. I barely can. But we should , there is always one person in everyone's life that is there for us. You were mine during the death of my brother. You really helped me a lot and you didn't even know me. You seem like a really great person and I want great people to feel great. It is very very late here right now so I might wake up tomorrow and read what I wrote in my half sleep and be really embarassed but I did what I am asking you to do, something I usually wouldn't. So if this is nonsense, I apologize.

Happy Birthday!!!! I hope it is as wonderful as you wish it to be!! Sending you lot's of love and mental presents!

 

[qwackers]

Aw that was such a lovely post. You are right of course about the doing 1 thing everyday. Variations of this I have been recommended are do one thing a day that makes you happy, write a list of things you are good at or enjoy and read them everyday etc, be selfish and do what you want to do because you are worth it etc etc. It's just making yourself do it. So well done you for saying all that if you wouldnt normally.

I can't believe you've been that bad with your stomach too. I was really bad at the start of this year and the year before last.

I'm really touched that my talking rubbish helped you I didnt/still don't really know what to say. I just said what I'd like people to say to me. No one should have to go through that,I'm sorry you have.

It's really sweet you were thinking about it so Long. It's one of those things that's not easy to figure out. It's more of an exercise of affirmative reinforcement! Which is hard!

Thankyou for the birthday wishes, I had a lovely day thankyou. It was so hot! Angus got me a printer/scanner so tomorrow I will hopefully scanning in the italian stuff if I can work it! It's getting Kate hear and I'm exhausted so will talk more tomorrow, try and get some sleep tonight and rest your wise old brain! Night night X x x

 

[qwackers]

I meant getting late lol oh and my sisters aren't identical. X x

 

[Megan Amber]

Glad you had a good Birthday! That's a thoughtful gift and rather useful! Did you make a birthday wish? I should be getting my books pretty soon, I'm just waiting on one more to be shipped and then I'll go and pick them up.

Your right making yourself do the stuff is the hard part, still working on that one! Lol, It is weird with our stomachs, I always thought it was just something strange and wrong with me, so kinda glad that it's not, but sorry you go through it to, but then glad again that it's getting better. Yeah your so called rubbish really did/does help. That's the golden rule- to treat others the way you want to be treated and I hope your good treatment towards me comes back to you threefold!

So today I did one of the smelliest jobs ever-I cleaned out my duck pond that I let go dirty for weeks longer than I should have! Got it sparkly clean though and glad it's over with, back to doing it weekly! My arm feels a lot better, the only trouble it gave me was when I tried to rake. So today when I walked by the garbage cans I heard this frantic chirping sound, it was one of the baby mockingbirds and I was looking for it and looking for it and then realized it was coming from inside one of the cans, I looked in and sure enough, there was a baby stuck in there, it had some water in it from all the rain we had gotten the night and day before and he was all wet and messed up and tired,I pulled him out and he just sat there on my finger looking at me. After he was all fixed up I let him go and went to dump the can out just to find that there was another little baby in there but he had already drowned. Poor guy, I buried him next to my guinea pigs grave. I knew I should have flipped the can over last night!!! I really need to start listening to my inner voice, told me other stuff that I didn't to and look where I am now!

So then Fraternal twins eh?, that's what I want. Maybe.... And possibly a stupid question but is Angus your bf?

 

[qwackers]

As soon as I read that I realised I didn't actually make one. The cake was a bit if a disaster as it was windy so all my candles kept blowing out! Yayy about the books! I can't wait to get scanning later!

Is your stomach better now to how it was? I know you said it gets iffy when your hatching which is understandable. It's so reassuring when you find out your not the only one! It's a horrible thing and can make you feel very isolated.

Thank you for the good karma vibe! I hope you get it back too .

Ewww nasty stinky pond. Least in a backwards kind of way it wasn't so nice. Hot stinky ponds are gross. You don't have a filter or anything? No fish I take it!? Glad to heat your arm is getting there slowly.

I cant believe that about the birds. Poor thing. In sorry one drowned. Don't beat your self up about it though. It's just one of those things but yeah gut feelings are funny things. How did they get in there? Blown in by the wind?

I'd never heard of fraternal twins but yeah non identical. Think I told you I was a twin. Apparently a lot of people are. It's not a stupid question, yeah he is. Funny name hey! He has Scottish roots. You up to much today?

 

[Megan Amber]

Not a whole lot today, mostly the same things I've been working on for day's but keep running out of time to finish. Got to plant my tomatoes and pepper assortment, need to empty the rabbit trays. The other thing I have to do today is take an exact inventory of what rabbits, ducks and roosters I want to get rid of. And then find a way to actually get rid of them. I missed the Auction last weekend and the next one is in a few weeks, so I was going to call some ads that say they want your unwanted livestock, we shall see how that goes. It started out rainy but is nice and clear and cool now so I'll be outside as much as possible.

My stomach still bothers me if I get really upset or over excited. I have tried to teach myself not to get excited about things until they actually happen but that is harder than I thought! But I also found that ginger root really , really helps it calm back down.

Nope no pond filter, still trying to devise a way to hook one up, does your's have one? I drain it with a pump though so that's easier than how I used to do it, the old way involved a pair of boots and a bucket! Angus is an unusual name, just wasn't sure if it was unusual in England as well, he sounds sweet though, you mentioned he helped duckling number five hatch.

How about you. what's your day consisting of?