My heart is breaking...

[nanawendy]

I just opened a letter from my dad. He asked me not to come this fall for a visit and to help clean and cook. His reasons are so justified , mom has mid stage alzheimer's, and the cost is crazy. I don't blame him as any visitors makes his job harder. My sis and nephew went down this summer and Jason really upset the apple cart. Dad just can't take it when thing get dis-come-boober-ated and has to pick up the pieces in the aftermath. Last time I went was after mom fell and dad really needed my help. It was great for everyone.. I was looking forward to it but understand....

 

[dewey]

I am very sorry.

 

[Glenmar]

 

[debilorrah]

Is there a way you can go and not stay with them?

Remember one thing about Alzheimer's. It is the people who still have their faculties that are hurt the most, and that includes your dad and you. Mom is clueless. Really, she is ok. This disease hurts and frustrates the other people around them.....

 

[Fierlin1182]

Oh, I'm sorry

I have a relative who I think is coming down with something similar to Alzheimer's. Debi is right, she's totally clueless. All the best for you and your family.

 

[nanawendy]

I totally agree w/ you ...dad is the one who is suffering the most. That is why I have to respect his wishes and not go, even though it is heart breaking for me. Mom still has enough thought to miss me terribly and doesn't understand why I'm not coming. Dad asked me to tell a little white lie and say it's cost ,school. etc... I can't contribute to his pain, so I will comply.

It will all come out in the wash in the here after. Once she gets to the other side she will know what is in my heart.

 

[Beekissed]

I don't understand why someone coming to help your dad with chores adds stress to the situation. Seems to me that he would welcome getting some respite from caregiving and allow you to care for mom while he takes some time for himself. It seems like a win/win situation to me.

 

[nanawendy]

One would come to that conclusion .... if you didn't know him. In so many words... he is a very old school Dutch that thinks he's German and a sober alcoholic to boot. A WW2 vet w/ a purple heart. Let's just say it's a pride issue. For him to call me and ask for help last year was monumental. The worst thing I could do is disrespect his choice. For now at least.

 

[nanawendy]

I so appreciate the concern... I have never posted a personal issue like this (only in replies ) Thank You for a place to vent and talk it out.

 

[Beekissed]

My dad has ALZ too.

Mom could no longer deal with his violence and other behaviors two years ago and had to involuntarily commit him for treatment. He is now very sweet and lovable but I think she is past being able to care for him at home, so he is in a nursing home 4 mi. from me and I get to see him and care for him every day.