my husband left me

misterhandsome

In the Brooder
8 Years
Jul 3, 2011
65
0
39
Kemptville, Ontario
came as a complete surprise. and he refuses to try to work on our marriage. he's been seeing someone at work who apparently speaks to his most important needs to feel sexy and very much like a man, apparently. but she's not saddled with cooking, cleaning, laundry and all the other trappings of marriage. no - they get to have long walks, hold hands and talk, flirt and make out at work and then go home imagining their affair somehow reflects reality. not once did he tell me he had needs i wasn't meeting. yesterday he says maybe if he'd have told me sooner it would be fine, but now it's too late. i just don't get the logic. the reality is his office trollop stroked his ego while i gave him a life.

we had a very good life, and he counted among his close friends my brothers in law and the husbands of my girlfriends. when i found out about the other woman and his unwillingness to work on us i calmly kicked him out. he was flabbergasted, said he didn't know where he'd go (i gave him one suggestion) and that he'd probably have to declare bankruptcy. i asked him what he expected, that this was his choice, that he couldn't expect to live in our family home under those circumstances. fortunately there are no kids involved; just plenty of debt. next stop is the lawyers office.

i'm absolutely devastated and would do anything to save our marriage but he says i'll never change, i'll never appreciate him enough, he'll never feel like a protector with me. what gets me most is that he never once told me anything was wrong and simply refused to go to counselling. he's refused to work on the poor communication skills that came to light when his daughter didn't speak to him for a year. he's given up his (our) boat, SUV, house, land, pool, retirement plan for bankruptcy and fantasy. i cannot understand for a second what is in his head.

i don't know what the future holds, but it will be hard for me to live out here in a big house with a large piece of land. i'll have to give up my chickens if i sell and move back to the city. it'll be lonely out here alone.

just had to spread it further into the universe.
 

S.L.Swope

Chirping
8 Years
Apr 13, 2011
167
4
99
San Antonio
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. He obviously has no idea what it takes to make a life, home, and marriage work. You sound like a stronger woman than I. I don't know if I would have had the will to stop crying to type and start to pick myself up. I hope than you take him for all he has so you can continue the life your accustomed to and not be saddled with too much debt. Please don't spend to much time grieveing for someone who obviously wasn't to communicate and try to make your marriage work. Good Luck in your new life ahead.
 

chicmom

Dances with Chickens
10 Years
Feb 24, 2009
8,696
277
316
Strasburg Ohio
Oh, Holy Smokes, I am so sorry! You did the right thing in making him leave. Wishing you the best and hoping everything turns out OK for you.
 

kidcody

Crowing
9 Years
Nov 1, 2010
7,237
503
336
Autumn Farm English Orpingtons
Just remember the grass isn't greener on the other side! The problems he has will only carry over to his new relationship. Shame on her for helping to break up a marriage. If he cheated on you, he'll cheat on her!!!
 

toochicky

In the Brooder
8 Years
Sep 8, 2011
75
1
29
oregon
Don't get rid of your chickens! Pets are the one thing that have always gotten me through rough times. I am not sure if chickens are very therapeutic (not a chicken gal just yet)..but my cats have been there for me when no one else was. Animals always love unconditionally.
Maybe you should get a farm dog? A huge fluffy marshmallow dog that will not only protect but cuddle with you when your lonely?

You can do this! Hang in there!
 

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