came as a complete surprise. and he refuses to try to work on our marriage. he's been seeing someone at work who apparently speaks to his most important needs to feel sexy and very much like a man, apparently. but she's not saddled with cooking, cleaning, laundry and all the other trappings of marriage. no - they get to have long walks, hold hands and talk, flirt and make out at work and then go home imagining their affair somehow reflects reality. not once did he tell me he had needs i wasn't meeting. yesterday he says maybe if he'd have told me sooner it would be fine, but now it's too late. i just don't get the logic. the reality is his office trollop stroked his ego while i gave him a life. we had a very good life, and he counted among his close friends my brothers in law and the husbands of my girlfriends. when i found out about the other woman and his unwillingness to work on us i calmly kicked him out. he was flabbergasted, said he didn't know where he'd go (i gave him one suggestion) and that he'd probably have to declare bankruptcy. i asked him what he expected, that this was his choice, that he couldn't expect to live in our family home under those circumstances. fortunately there are no kids involved; just plenty of debt. next stop is the lawyers office. i'm absolutely devastated and would do anything to save our marriage but he says i'll never change, i'll never appreciate him enough, he'll never feel like a protector with me. what gets me most is that he never once told me anything was wrong and simply refused to go to counselling. he's refused to work on the poor communication skills that came to light when his daughter didn't speak to him for a year. he's given up his (our) boat, SUV, house, land, pool, retirement plan for bankruptcy and fantasy. i cannot understand for a second what is in his head. i don't know what the future holds, but it will be hard for me to live out here in a big house with a large piece of land. i'll have to give up my chickens if i sell and move back to the city. it'll be lonely out here alone. just had to spread it further into the universe.