My leukemia's back.

[Bunnylady]

Oh, yes, Mom knew where she was and why. She has moments when she gets a bit befuddled and sort of "tunes out," but for the most part, the lady is still very much aware of what is going on.

As far as decent facilities go, the rep on this place is no worse than any other in the area. Not exactly a glowing endorsement, I know. Brother and a family friend are doing more research and trying to see if they can at least find a place where the staff won't make her feel like an inconveniently placed throw-rug.

 

[sourland]

Brother and a family friend are doing more research and trying to see if they can at least find a place where the staff won't make her feel like an inconveniently placed throw-rug.

I wish them luck. Such places do exist. My Mom spent the last 3 + years of her life in just such a facility. We/she knew about this place because my cousin and her husband spent the last years of their life there.

I empathize with you and your brother and also with your mother. I dread the thought of what the future may hold for the Princess and me.

 

[getaclue]

I understand. My ex mother in law is like that, which is a bit upsetting to my daughters. She's not self-reliant, and their dad and his sister, her children, don't do anything to help take care of her, especially when she's befuddled, and confused.

It's hard to watch someone you love go through that.

 

[Alaskan]

Oh, yes, Mom knew where she was and why. She has moments when she gets a bit befuddled and sort of "tunes out," but for the most part, the lady is still very much aware of what is going on.

As far as decent facilities go, the rep on this place is no worse than any other in the area. Not exactly a glowing endorsement, I know. Brother and a family friend are doing more research and trying to see if they can at least find a place where the staff won't make her feel like an inconveniently placed throw-rug.

Ack to it all.

Very stressful for all of you.

Thanks for the update, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

 

[Blooie]

She needs a Tammy.....my Tammy sets up an annual carnival for her residents to run and take part in, complete with games they can do, straw hats and vests, carnival music, popcorn popper cart, cotton candy, and clowns. All residents are invited to join in the fun, even though the Assisted Living residents are in charge. They decorate walkers and wheelchairs with carnival trimmings. They make and sell crafts during the year to augment the night-time activities budget finally set up by the Care Center. She does MardiGras during that season, and recently had a luau for them. She even got our chef son Kenny to come in and grill the chicken outdoors, and he loved every minute of it. She does all the menu selection, the decorating, and the costuming. She holds painting classes on Friday nights. (She had to learn to paint to do this activity.) For the big activities like MardiGras and the carnival, it means she comes in during the day on her days off so the entire facility can take part. Her normal shifts are Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nites from 6 pm until 7 am, so other things they do can be done in the evenings. She is currently setting up an art show by her assisted living residents, complete with frilly hats and white gloves for the ladies and bowler hats and black vests for the gents. There they will sell the paintings they’ve been doing to friends and family to raise money for their activities.

I don’t know why people think the elderly go to bed at 8 and sleep all night. They don’t. She’s always in calming a resident who suddenly wakes in a panic, thinking that they are suddenly in a new place when they’ve been there for months or years. She sits in the chair next to a bed and listens to the same story for the hundredth time. She rubs lotion on dry, cracked feet. She ducks flying walkers from agitated residents, has been in the ER when one resident got mad and clocked her in the face with her cane, (3 stitches in her eyelid) and holds their hands when a resident passes and leaves another resident without a ‘best friend’. She’s no saint - she gets mad and overtired and frustrated. She needs all of Monday and part of a Tuesday to try to catch up on the sleep she loses. She’s no spring chicken...she does this at 50 years old. It started out because as a single mom she wanted the night and weekend differential in her paychecks, and was tired of being called in on weekends to cover for the younger people who called in sick with I-wanna-be-with-my-friends-on-Saturday-nite-itis. She went to admin, suggested her full time weekend overnight shifts, and they accepted. She’s been doing it now for 8 years.

But sometime during that 8 years her job went from just work and a bigger check to a genuine love and respect for her elders in the Center. She took them from ‘waiting to die’ to ‘waiting for Tammy.’ It makes me so sad to read about experiences that are so bad in these facilities when, with a little compassion and imagination, it could be so different. And it doesn’t cost much, either. At first, with the first carnival, there wasn’t even a budget for those kinds of activities. The budget was for music during the day, or a therapy dog or cat brought in to “entertain” the residents, shopping trips, etc.. So the first one involved some saving on her part and a lot of Amazon-ing for little trinkets out of pocket. It was such a huge hit that she was given a small budget, and her residents dove in and started making quilts to raffle and such for the next year’s carnival. She enjoys herself at work more, the residents love her, and she’s earned the respect of the staff. She could be the rule, not the exception. None of her activities have ever been cited by State when they do their inspections as “unsafe” or “overstimulating”. She brought laughter and hope to people who had little of either. I am so sorry that you are finding just the opposite.

Yes, I brag about her. And as I said, she’s no saint but she’s gone to admin and advocated for her people. Daytime’s activity director doesn’t like Tam much - she can’t compete with her jigsaw puzzles and macaroni necklaces and knows it. But Tam has made it clear that if the day ever comes that I end up in her Care Center, she’s retiring. She says two control freaks in one facility is too much.

 

[bruceha2000]

Yes, I brag about her.

And it is well deserved!

She says two control freaks in one facility is too much.

 

[oldrooster]

Folks sorry not on much no internet at the apt yet. and having other issues. Told some family I was moving and said goodbye I will no longer talk to any of them because I want nothing to do with that side, since many are so negative. and many are now trying to argue with me because they feel like I'm mean or whatever. funny not 1 showed up or sent as much as a card or called when I graduated from high school or college, but I was drug to countless weddings and graduations as a kid for them, regardless if I wanted to be there or not. In fact my mom started to yell and scream at me at one wedding reception because I would not sit where SHE wanted me to sit (the head table reserved for the wedding party where many cousins were sitting because they were in the wedding party) I wasn't going to sit at that table so I went and waited at the car. she threw such a fit half the wedding party went outside to get me to go in, I was like, no if you want her to shut up tell her to shut up, I'm not going to encourage her to do it again somewhere else...

 

[ronott1]

Folks sorry not on much no internet at the apt yet. and having other issues. Told some family I was moving and said goodbye I will no longer talk to any of them because I want nothing to do with that side, since many are so negative. and many are now trying to argue with me because they feel like I'm mean or whatever. funny not 1 showed up or sent as much as a card or called when I graduated from high school or college, but I was drug to countless weddings and graduations as a kid for them, regardless if I wanted to be there or not. In fact my mom started to yell and scream at me at one wedding reception because I would not sit where SHE wanted me to sit (the head table reserved for the wedding party where many cousins were sitting because they were in the wedding party) I wasn't going to sit at that table so I went and waited at the car. she threw such a fit half the wedding party went outside to get me to go in, I was like, no if you want her to shut up tell her to shut up, I'm not going to encourage her to do it again somewhere else...

I hope getting to share with us helps!

 

[wyoDreamer]

Hope the new apartment works out great for you. There are probably places in town you can go to get free internet access.
It is sad that your family is so lousy. I don't blame you for limiting contact with them. Keep contact with us though, please.
My family is totally opposite. I just went for a screening for genetic cancer testing and I was unable to answer questions about if any Aunts, Uncles or Cousins on my fathers side ever had cancer. We just are not close to them at all any more.

 

[getaclue]

wyo, I'm not sure it really matters much. Dad was pretty much the only person left on his side of the family, and all they had, that was known about, was high blood pressure. On my mother's side, she and her sister had leukemia. No one in the family ever had breast cancer. I'm the first, and only. No history of it whatsoever.