My leukemia's back.

[bruceha2000]

My friend Jerry is no longer suffering. I received a call this morning that he had died during the night. I knew it was imminent as he sent me the registration papers on the pups that I am raising for him. I had hoped to see him this weekend.

It sure is interesting how hair will change...

Dad was drafted during the Korean War. Apparently his curly hair came back straight after 2 years of buzz cuts. But eventually it got curly again.

 

[Alaskan]

I have had to spend a bunch of time reminding myself:

how good my mom is,
how helpful she is,
How generous she is....

How much I will miss her when she dies...

She is clearly working hard to bite her toungue... and I should be grateful for that too


But she SO CLEARLY dislikes, and disapproves of my kids and my parenting choices and how I am raising them.



Oy

 

[ronott1]

I have had to spend a bunch of time reminding myself:

how good my mom is,
how helpful she is,
How generous she is....

How much I will miss her when she dies...

She is clearly working hard to bite her toungue... and I should be grateful for that too


But she SO CLEARLY dislikes, and disapproves of my kids and my parenting choices and how I am raising them.



Oy

I think it is likely a generational difference and also a place difference.

Alaska is a lot different from Texas

 

[getaclue]

Al, that's not so unusual. My mother, and I clashed a few times about parenting styles, and choices. I reminded her a few times that she raised us the way she did, because of the times, circumstances, and individual needs of us kids, at that time. Those had changed, so I too had to make decisions based on different times, circumstances, and needs of my kids. She grew comfortable with my parenting. My daughter, and grands live with us. There are quite a few times that her parenting is very different from mine. I've made great strides in learning to butt out when she's handling situations. Even though it's not my way, she does really good. I have to remember too that the times, circumstances, and needs of her kids is different than when I was raising my kids, and as I mentioned, she does a really good job with her kids.

 

[Cynthia12]

This is so true. I've bitten my tongue a few times for sure.

 

[Blooie]

Unfortunately, I don’t as often as I should. But Jenny never really pushes to advocate for Kendra, so I do. Jen just doesn’t have it in her to question what a doctor or therapist says, especially to their faces. She and Kenny don’t discipline Kendra at all, but she’s smart enough to understand what a “time-out” is so she gets discipline here when she deserves it. I don’t want her growing up to be “that spoiled kid in a wheelchair”. Besides, there isn’t one of my grandkids that I haven’t either custody of or provided full-time child care for. I’m simply not capable of being everything they need day in and day out, then backing out for the hours when I’m not. If they want me to “parent” then they shouldn’t be surprised when I do. I’m a self-acknowledged control freak.

 

[oldrooster]

Dad was drafted during the Korean War. Apparently his curly hair came back straight after 2 years of buzz cuts. But eventually it got curly again.

Our fathers were of the same generation then my Dad got a draft notice and could not pass the physical, if he did, he had a farm worker deferment that was in the wings for him, so some other soul got that instead I guess...

 

[getaclue]

Blooie, My daughter tried to be a good parent, but her ex thwarted her every effort. He got addicted to "spice", which she didn't realize at first. He became deranged, and abusive. She left him a couple times, one of which was when she discovered he was doing the spice, and he always cried about how sorry he was, and promised to do better, so she'd go back. Over time, she became isolated, and with no basis for comparison, and became "conditioned" into accepting her situation as somewhat normal. There was something else going on too, which I'll get to in a minute.

A few things had happened that she became afraid for her life. She came running home to me. She was a mess. Within a few days, I was convinced he had been dosing her with something, which is how he was controlling her at that point, and she was going through some type of withdrawal. We got a drug test kit, and there were no street drugs in her system, but I was still convinced she had been dosed with something, and was going through withdrawal. In addition, she was not exactly mentally stable. Her oldest son was a mess too, because of the abuse. Her middle daughter seemed ok at the time. The baby was fine.

We went through heck and back for about 6 weeks, getting her to some semblance of mentally stable. After the 6 weeks, she was doing pretty good, and wanted to go back home. She had gotten a restraining order, and he had moved out. We took several precautions to help ensure their safety, and her grandmother was right next door.

She got her son into counseling. She saw some improvement rather quickly, so she got into counseling too. The psychologist is the one that asked her about him having access to a certain mental medication. It's one that one of his sisters was taking. The psychologist agreed that from everything we described, he was probably dosing her with that medication, and it would not show up in a regular drug test for street drugs. It would show up in a blood test for it, but by then too much time had passed.

Because of the abuse, my grandson begged me to promise him, I'd never spank him. I promised. With continued counseling, he transformed, blossomed, and has flourished. He no longer needs counseling. My daughter has finally completed her counseling as well. It was a long, and at times a very emotional process. At a point during the counseling, my daughter was to begin handling the guidance, correction, and disciplining of her children. She learned methods that wouldn't trigger their fears due to the abuse they had suffered, and began taking it over. I had to back out of the roll of primary disciplinarian, for her to succeed, and for them to function properly as a family. The more she resumed her role as parent, the more confidence, and skill she gained, the more I stepped back. That doesn't mean that when she's at school, or gone to the store, or whatever and I'm watching them, that I don't correct, or discipline them. I do. I have learned though, that I like the role of grandparent for the kids, instead of parent, and she is a good parent.

 

[Bunnylady]

My husband's father was an abusive alcoholic. My husband was determined to not follow in his father's footsteps; instead, he was overly permissive as a parent. That would have been bad enough by itself, but he regularly torpedoed my efforts. He claims not to know what I'm talking about, but the kids saw it; I can remember having to strong-arm my kids into picking up their toys in the living room, and hearing my son tell my daughter, "wait 'til Daddy gets home, he'll straighten her out."

As if that wasn't bad enough, my son is "on the spectrum," albeit the higher end. Parenting experts tell you to choose your battles, and autism can make even knowing what you are battling difficult. One time, my parents brought their camper down and were staying at a nearby campground for a few days. They became so offended by my son's out-of-control behavior, they left a day early (before his birthday, which was the reason they came). If their intention was to hurt his feelings ("if you can't behave better, we won't be around you" - rather like a time-out in reverse), it was a complete miss; he wouldn't have understood so I didn't even try to explain it to him. Hurt my feelings? Yes, but what kind of a parent would I be if I couldn't take a hit for my kid? I was a little surprised; I would have thought my mother's background in education would have clued her in to the fact that my son wasn't "normal," so some deviation from normal behavior was to be expected (and to be fair, he wasn't all the bad, just a bit "hyper"), but maybe they hadn't been around him enough to see it. Ah, well. I have long said, "you do the best you can with what you have at the time;" there's no point in getting mad at people for not being perfect.

 

[Blooie]

Maybe part of my issues stem from not being able to be a “Coco Puffs Gramma”, a phrase one of my cousins used one time that stuck with me. That’s the kind of Gramma I always envisioned being when the time came.

See, a Coco Puffs Gramma has Gramma privileges. Imagine that the grandkids are staying there and they ask, “What’s for dinner?” Gramma says, “Meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans.” The grandkids groan that they don’t like meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans. A Coco Puffs Gramma gets to tell them, “Well, we’ll just fix you a bowl of Coco Puffs then. Don’t tell your mom.” And they giggle together. Me? I had to say, “Tough. Eat your meatloaf.” Yeah, like that.