My mom the negative one... kinda long rant

[hikerchick]

The thing is, I know if my mom were alive she WOULD be proud of me. She would just never let me know it.

 

[HennysMom]

Quote:
Best advice Chirpy

Oh - dont we ALL have mom's like this though?

I did the same thing Chirpy did pretty much - except I also took on an attitude of "its just advice...I can take it or leave it." Water off a ducks back became my motto drumming through my head. Did I still get upset? YEP... but then I had to laugh because Mom was just Mom and wasnt going to change unless I changed the way I dealt with it. I stopped telling my mom things, because in telling her she thought I was seeking her approval (her words..not mine) or advice. I wasnt and made it clear "Nope Mom,...was just making small talk." I would drive her nuts if we went shopping - she liked this color paint and I didnt.. I had a paint selected already. It "wasnt a good match" to her. Well Mom, thats your taste and your house, this is mine, but thank you for sharing with me.

So I'd pick out 2 more colors for compliments....and tell her "which one out of these, these are my choices, I like them both, but you get to pick." That made her feel included and not feel so left out. Did that alot. Made all the difference.

Then... like Chirpy wrote - sometimes they fall back into old habits and they just dont realize it, until you gently tell them. Will it be hard? Yep - will she get mad? Probably so. But..she will come to realize her way is not THE way.

Grandkids - dont you know they will always try to tell you how to raise them and NOTHING on how you were raised was EVER done to you?

My mom has "selective memory" ROFL!! I hear constantly "Oh I never did that.... you kids were never spanked, grounded, yelled at, blah blah blah...."

Sure mom.... we 3 kids were abducted by some other family then LOL!

Hang in there sweetie...

 

[me&thegals]

I think maybe moms get stuck in that stage where they were raising us and just can't stop?!? My mom does this, too. I would swear the woman has never found a single thing to be proud of, but then I'll hear in a roundabout way that she's been telling friends and family all about what we've been doing, and in a proud sort of way. Who knows why moms are they way they are?

I swear I will always be a supportive mom to my own kids, nieces, nephews and eventually grandkids!!

Good luck all you out there!

 

[wegotchickens]

Yup, you're my long-lost-sis as well.

I moved 2.5-3 hours away from Mom (depending on who is driving). That helped. Plus, when talking on the phone, if she gets too critical or angry over anything going on in my life I say, "Well, thanks Mom but I gotta go now!" and I hang up.
It took me years to learn to do this! But it's the best thing ever. She's much less likely to stray into ugliness now, and I find I really enjoy talking to her.

She still drives me nuts sometimes. That's her job as a mother, and I understand that and try to be patient. I have 2 daughters of my own, and as much as I always said 'I will not be like my mother" it turns out in many ways I really am.

Good luck!!

 

[scbatz33]

I moved out of my folks house at 18 while my mom was out of town for this very same reason! I have been telling my sisters and brother how mom"is" my whole life and they are just now starting to get it. It's gotten so much worse since Dad died. He was her "filter".

I know how you feel about the negativity. I could list a thousand stories or snide comments. Like how every time she is visiting and we have to figure out what to eat she says how she'd like to have whatever, but "Your kids are so picky". My daughter doesn't like broccoli and my son hates tuna. Somehow that is "so picky".

Or about 3 weeks ago we were discussing home made bread - my sis makes daily (FYI, mom lives with her! sucker!!) I don't like it because I think it's too dense. My mother says "So what do you like, that white poison crap from the store" Oh yes, she said it just like that! I buy a 7 grain whole wheat bread - just so you know.

And of course you can't say anything to her or she pouts and says we are all picking on her. Or she whines that we don't understand how she's feeling because we have never lost a husband. As if!! He was my father! ARGH!!!!!!

Her latest "woe is me" drama is that I purposefully planned my son's b-day party when she was going to be out of town. My sis calls to tell me she had to listen to an hour and a half of how mom couldn't come to the "party" and how there might be cake and "how would it look if the grandmother wasn't there" and how it was so wrong of my SIL to want to leave a day early for the trip mom was going on and now mom wouldn 't be at the "party".

My sis tried to tell her there was no party. I just moved closer and sis was coming to visit for the afternoon. It just happened to be my son's birth day. No party! No Party! No #@&%*^! Party!

I actually had to call my brother and tell him so he wouldn't be forced to listen to how mean I was for planning a party when mother was out of town for the whole week she was with him. He called me yesterday to tell me he "delivered the message" to mother! She must have started about it the minute she walked in the door!!!

OMG! I totally ranted on your rant. I'm so very sorry! The point of all of this is I totally know how you feel - move far, far, far away and enjoy your life!!

 

[SophieLain127]

my mom has the attitude that I should be more of an independent person from my family. When I had my daughter I told my husband I wanted to stay home with her because I feel it is the best thing for her and he agreed. My mom sees this as a mistake. I see it as a stranger raising my kid for 8 hours a day is a mistake...IMO. She thinks I should have a career and travel the world and dump my kid off with someone on the weekends like she did. I hated that and bad things always happened to me when I was dumped somewhere for the weekend but every friday I was dropped off and every sunday night picked up. I refuse to do that with my daughter.

Thanks again guys.

 

[SpottedCrow]

I grew up with that junk too...as soon as I wanted something different than was planned for me, I was the rotten child, why can't you be more like your sister? We're twins so it didn't help at all.
She was outgoing. I was a studious bookworm.
Goddess only knows what my grandmother would say about my chickens..

I finally got married and you come to my house to see me, not my house. You don't like it F'en leave.

My sister bought me a sign for my birthday that says "My house was clean last week, sorry you missed it."

 

[scbatz33]

Quote:
My land lady has that exact sign. It's hanging in the laundry room along with "No Whining" and "Bad spellers of America Unight"

 

[SophieLain127]

Wow at least some of you have siblings i'm an only child. I do take satisfaction that I can leave at anytime. I filled out my loan papers today and should be hearing something on Monday I'm moving away I will let her know once we are settled in....lol.

 

[HobokenChickenEmergency]

Part of the reason I married dh was to get away from my mother. 9 hours still isn't far enough sometimes.