Robin, dear friend, I'm not eloquent with words right now and I feel your disappointment and pain.....Others have said it but the memory book is an excellent idea. She needs a listener not to guide or direct her but to listen and be there. There will be times when she needs to distance herself from everyone. That's normal. Please don't take as an affront, just understand that there are things she will need to sort out as she makes her journey. I was my Dad's caregiver through his final months. He had pancreatic cancer and although they had hoped to do a surgery called the whipple, after exploratory, he was closed up with no hope of being able to do anything as the cancer was already widespread. I will say nothing was emotionally easy about it but I remember now the happy times. I was finally able to get hospice care, but only the last few weeks of his life as he had "too much living to do"...When he saw his grandson reach out for a butterfly and he appreciated so much looking at the world in a new way. He had the time and passion to tell his family and friends things he had never said his whole life. He was a living witness to his Christian faith as well, Once when in the hospital for pain management, he asked his oncologist to come to see him and he told that lovely Dr. not to feel like he had failed and to continue his important work and that he lifted up him and the office daily in his prayers. He asked me to write a letter of appreciation to them after he died. I did and it was probably Dad's way of helping me heal...There are some wonderful support resources out there for caregivers now And don't forget that you'll need time for yourself as well. If she opts for a Hospice program, there are several excellent ones in the area and many of these have support resources for the families as well.
His last day was so poignant for me, that to this day I still get weepy. He asked for homemade apple pie...... I brought the wonderful Ga mountain Granny apples into his room and peeled them so he could smell them and have tiny bits. I literally put that pie together on a card table by his bed. He smelled it cooking and wanted to know when it would be ready.....His nephew was visiting at the time....When the pie was cooling, he told me to hurry it up as there wasn't much time...I just thought he was hungry, which was unusual as he wasn't eating much then.So I cooled it down with ice cream... I fed him a bite. He said "that's the best food I've ever eaten on this earth, but I won't be hungry where I'm going"...He told me he loved me. Looked away and literally slipped into a peaceful coma. He was a man that knew all about heaven and faith and although he went through some physical struggles, he was sooo strong in mind and spirit and body. He was worried the cancer would fog his mind....It didn't. He was in control of his life and how he wanted to live it out.
Just excuse all that information, but know that although I know this is something that No one ever ever wants to go through but I kept reminding myself...My Dad was there for me for so many years, so I know I can do this.....It was quite a time caregiving him and mother, but I regret neither and thank God for the special memories. I am here for you and hugs, love and God's uplifting spirit for you. Nancy & Jacque
His last day was so poignant for me, that to this day I still get weepy. He asked for homemade apple pie...... I brought the wonderful Ga mountain Granny apples into his room and peeled them so he could smell them and have tiny bits. I literally put that pie together on a card table by his bed. He smelled it cooking and wanted to know when it would be ready.....His nephew was visiting at the time....When the pie was cooling, he told me to hurry it up as there wasn't much time...I just thought he was hungry, which was unusual as he wasn't eating much then.So I cooled it down with ice cream... I fed him a bite. He said "that's the best food I've ever eaten on this earth, but I won't be hungry where I'm going"...He told me he loved me. Looked away and literally slipped into a peaceful coma. He was a man that knew all about heaven and faith and although he went through some physical struggles, he was sooo strong in mind and spirit and body. He was worried the cancer would fog his mind....It didn't. He was in control of his life and how he wanted to live it out.
Just excuse all that information, but know that although I know this is something that No one ever ever wants to go through but I kept reminding myself...My Dad was there for me for so many years, so I know I can do this.....It was quite a time caregiving him and mother, but I regret neither and thank God for the special memories. I am here for you and hugs, love and God's uplifting spirit for you. Nancy & Jacque
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