My only child got married...

[saddina]

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I'm going to gently suggest this is the great time to go find a new hobby, and meet some new people. Part of the job of being a parent is getting your child to the place where he can form loving bonds and grow into the man you raised him to be. Now it's time for you to have time for you. So what do you want to do? learn to paint, join a book club, finally make time to go to the gym, whatever you've had to put off because you were giving yourself to the mother role, you can now have time for.

I've been a daughter in law 3 times now. A huge portion of the stress in 2 of the marriages were mothers who saw me as "son's wife" and resented me "stealing" thier "babies" (one was in his 40's for crying out loud).

Love her for making your son so happy, and then find yourself something to do, later if grandchildren come, you can adore them all over again, but only if you and thier mother have a good relationship.

 

[ohiofarmgirl]

I have no problem whatsoever with my new DIL.

not exactly a ringing endorsement...... how about if you love her because HE loves her ...and since you raised him... have faith in his decision based on what you taught him???

i'm the wife of the only child of an only child. my MIL raised him alone and for the most part it has only been the two of them. he thought she would be thrilled for him when he finally got married (we were 40) since thats all she talked about.

nope. in fact, her interference is pretty much the biggest problem in our otherwise happy life. i could tell you all her faults and she could spend all day telling you mine. but the fact is - she doesnt get a vote. in fact if she keeps it up we'll move even further away (we already moved once).

if you criticize her at all the only thing you will be doing is telling him you dont like his decision. at some point he'll have enough of it and that would be a sad situation indeed.

i can tell you this honestly from both sides - i dont particularly like my brother's wife (he's the closest thing i have to my own son) but i've never ever even looked sideways at her. i tell her that i love her on every occasion and keep my comments to myself...and never put him 'in the middle.'

the greatest gift you can give him is your love for her.​

 

[horsejody]

I thank God that I ended up with a terrific DIL. I would hate feeling remorse about my son growing up and moving on with his life. I have 2 grown children. They are both on their own and doing well. I look at them and think, "Thank God I succeeded!"

 

[DTchickens]

I think some of you are missing the point, she's already said that she pretty much loves her DIL. And a few of you are talking like she hates her possibly due to your own lifes or experiences and thats the only thing you are seeing maybe?..

Shes just saying she feels like she lost her son, not that she dislikes her DIL or has anything against her.. It is something every mom goes through i am sure, and i am sure it's something every dad goes through with their daughters as well even if they don't say..

 

[Judy]

Quote:
I, too, read between the lines a bit, and was concerned that she might not be headed in the best direction. I think the posters are concerned that she choose a good direction now. Not so sure she didn't have an inkling of this herself, causing her to post in the first place.

At any rate, I don't think there is anything unkind here, and I hope the OP will find a couple new hobbies or interests or friends that she can tell her son and DIL about!

 

[WriterofWords]

My son is only 17 but in basic training now, and I'm scared to death of the day he comes home and says "Mom, I want you to meet......."!!!

Holy cow I just went back and read some responses,,, we have a lot of DIL's in here reading too much into a mom saying goodbye to one piece of her life and watching her son move on into manhood!! For heaven's sake stop reading things into a simple heartfelt declaration. We should be able to count on our fellow members for support, not count on them to put words into our mouths or feelings into our words that just aren't there!

 

[Chicks_N_Horses]

My son is just 2 yrs old....my only little boy and one of my most precious possessions! He is already a handsome little thing and a big ol flirt! Yes, at just 2! I can't wait to see the girls lining up for him - I just hope he listens to his mommy and picks the one I like!

LOL

I think you are going through something very normal.

You are a loving mommy.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
I have only read this part. I completely understand. I raised my son alone too. He is now 20 and not even close to marriage. However, I DO want him to get out there and work and find someone for him. Be a good MIL. Try not to to critisize her. She took your boy, but he chose her. And get ready for him to drift to her family more than they drift to yours. It seems to be the way it goes.

Sometimes its the down side to having one child. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[debilorrah]

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And THIS is why I read the original OP first and commented on that....... It is HARD to see your child move on to their own life.

 

[saddina]

Quote:
And THIS is why I read the original OP first and commented on that....... It is HARD to see your child move on to their own life.

I think everyone agrees that it's hard,, but part of that is being self aware, and knowing that what is done and said now has a lasting impact. Some mothers (and not nesessarly anyone here, but in general) feel that the new woman is the problem, and that can lead to damaging the new marriage, or driving their children off. Since the OP doesn't seem to want either outcome, it may be time for her to spend time on herself for herself, something that mothers often don't do when they have children at home.