My Space?!

[lexustami]

I just have to weigh in on this.

My kids are 12, 10 and 8. They know what I expect from them and they know my rules. I give them exact details of what I expect them to do even on routine things like feeding the chickens.

Everyday, I tell my 10 year old son that he needs to go out to the coop, feed the chickens and fill up their water. And this is what I get back in return, "I know already. I do this everyday." So, today about an hour after I told him to go fill up the water container I went out to the chicken coop. His only job at that moment was to fill up the water. He didn't have to feed them or anything else he could have been sidetracked by. I find a bone dry waterer with pine shavings in it. This confuses me because he turned the water on.

I called him out there and told him that I was confused. He lied and said he did fill it up. I knew he was lying, he knew I knew he was lying. He confessed that he didn't give them water and couldn't give me a good explaination about why he went outside and just turned the water on just to trick me into believing he watered the chickens.

I catch them doing the "wrong" things all the time even after I go into detail about the job I'm giving them.

So... what does this story have to do with the internet? Parents talk to their children. They tell them NOT to give out personal information. They tell them not to talk to people they don't know. They tell them not to go to certain websites. But guess what... kids are still being raped, murdered and kidnapped by people they meet online. Some kids go willingly. They fall in love with 40 year old men they meet online. They think they are "in love" and will do anything for the person on the other end of the internet.

Listen, my brother is 33 years old. He met "the girl of his dreams" online. He was totally in love and she confessed her love to him as well. He met her on myspace, of course. I knew she was a fake from the second I IM'd with her. He didn't believe me and wrote me off. Totally shut me out of his life... until my super sleuthing proved that she was a fraud. That she was married and having multiple online affairs. My ADULT brother fell for this hook, line and sinker.

ADULTS are still getting scammed online. They are being scammed out of their money and their identities. Do you think this won't happen to your children?

The internet is a very dangerous place. Kids don't really "understand" this. Oh, they may say they do. They may say, "I know already." but how do you really know that they understand the consequences and they aren't just saying, "I know already" so you will stop talking? Do you really want to take that chance? I know I don't.

Now I'm not saying my kids aren't allowed to use the internet. They can use it to do homework or research and they have a limited amount of time to play a few select games. The computer is in a very public place in the house and I can see what they are doing at all times.

I don't want them spending all of their time on the computer or in front of the TV. They have chores they have to do at the farm and at home. They can go out in the back yard and play football. They can read a book. They can cook. There are a million other things they can be doing.

I just feel like I'm rambling now. I don't know if this is helping or not but I wanted to express my opinion. You have to do what is right and what works for your family.

Take care and good luck.

Tami

 

[HobbyChickener]

Don't take this wrond lexustami but "You're peachin' to the Choir!" You described my life with kids on a daily basis. It still makes me mad because I am sure I raised her better than this. I have locked her access to the computer for now. I will decide what the rest of the punishment will be at a later time. She made her bed now she had to sleep in it. One of the biggest things that I can't take is being lied to. She has crossed the line. Blame on age, hormones, or peer pressure I don't care. I have rules and she will follow them or be punished. I have rules as an Adult and I have to follow them or deal with the consiquences. Time for her to learn a life lesson.

 

[lexustami]

Quote:
I wasn't just addressing you with this. This has really been on my mind lately. It really hit me several weeks ago when that young girl from Florida disappeared. She ran off with her 40+ year old internet boyfriend. Luckily, she was found safe.

I've been stressing about it because I know what I am teaching them. They nod their heads and verbally agree with me but then turn around and do something completely against my rules.

My kids are really good students. My 8 year old girl has straight A's. The other 2 are A-B honor roll. My son was just a few points away from being a straight A student but he completely messed it up. All he had to do was turn in all of his homework and he would get 100% as a homework grade. He got a 60% for his homework grade because he only turned in 60% of his homework. Again, I'm confused because I see him doing homework. Sometimes he says he has no homework, he got it done of the bus or during his free period. He is lying. I am so angry about this.

But yet, when I go over every single detail he acts like he's never given me any reason to doubt that he will complete the task.

I think I saw on Oprah years ago that sometimes kids don't live up to our expectations because we aren't specific enough for them. You tell them to clean their room and when they tell you they are done it is still a complete mess. But to them, it may be clean. It may be clean to their standards. You have to let them know what your standards are.

So, I started being very specific. I give my instructions to them a couple of times and then have them repeat it to me. If I have doubts about whether they understand me or not I have them explain to me in their own words what I expect from them. This way their is no confusion.

But it still isn't working! And I know it is only going to get worse as they get older. I do not look foward to having rebelious teens!

Take care,

Tami

 

[jackiedon]

Hobby,

I'm not sure what to tell you. But I do know that dealing with teenagers is light walking a tightrope. I have a 11 yr old and 14 yr old then I have stepdaughters that are 25 and 30 yrs old. Teenagers for the most part are rebellious.

I don't know where you have the computer but have it in a high traffic area. Mine is in my dining room so someone is walking by all the time. If you have to after she goes to bed take the power cord with you and hide it. Of course, it doesn't mean when she goes to a friends house she won't keep her Myspace page going.

After the punishment is over, You might want to sit down with her and make sure it's set up correctly with all the protective controls on. Then only let her on the computer on certain times of the day so you can see what is going on. One thing I have found out about teenagers is if their mind is set on doing something they will find a way to do it.

I understand you being mad and I would too. It's a tough job raising teenagers.

jackie

 

[ozark hen]

Ok, from my experience from raising five, yes 5! girls...they are not only brainless at this age but they are changlings!!

stick to your guns. They want boundaries and guidelines no matter how much they fight you. Even if they break the rules, they will grow up to respect you if you stick to your guns. Don't make a battle out of the little stuff but on this you are right. Lying was always one of my pet peeves, still is. They will lie no getting around it. One of my daughters changed the password on her computer so her son couldn't use it unless she allowed him to be on...he is 18 now and still "brainless". Yes, they can get on at a friend's house, the library, etc. If you allow her to have a myspace then make sure you have it set to "private" and you go in and check it reg. That is after the grounding is over. My step-daughter told me she wished her dad had said, "no" more often. Keep that in mind. They will whine and moan and say they hate you or think you are soooo dumb but in a few years they come back and thank you. We have had all five come back and say Thank You and not only that but................I am sorry!!

So you need to go through this time to set your standards that later on they will use for their own kids.

 

[BantyChickMom]

Teenagers will lie! and I absolutely hate it.
Mine would continue to lie until I had the evidence to "throw in her face".
Teenagers think parents want to keep them from having a life, don't want them to have any fun, or enjoy making their lives miserable, etc.
I always heard from mine ' I'm leaving when I get 16'.
I finally told her "I know your'e leaving at 16, but until then, you've got another 1 1/2 years to live with me and your'e going to go by my rules or suffer the consequences.
I had taken everything from this child -- she had nothing left for me to take.
One of her favorite sayings was "PRISON COULDN'T BE ANY WORSE THAN LIVING HERE".
But when she was charged with a felony, she was sent to a Juvenile Detention Center about 45 miles away.
And Boy did that make a change in her!!

Sometimes it seems no matter how much we try to drive good behavior and responsibility into their heads, teenagers just don't seem to "GET IT".

That's why we as mature adults have to be responsible for them until they reach 18 (that's the legal age in NC).
If they were mature enough, they would understand the dangers of the real world and how easy it is to get caught up in something they had nothing to do with.

It drove me crazy all summer and I cried and cried and cried, but I thank God everyday for the change in my 15 year old daughter, because I don't think I could have taken much more.
I hate my child had to live through the events that occurred, but I'm thinking now that was probably what it took to get thru to her.
And today, we are closer than ever!!

 

[ZuniBee]

MySpace is something parents didn't have when they were growing up. Almost every young person now days has a myspace account. Here is my take for what it's worth:

I have raised a daughter and a son and both gave me different challenges. They both were very good and turned out to be decent young adults, but we had our times when they were growing up. Kids do want and need boundaries and guidelines no matter how much they fight you. They fight you most of the time to make sure you still care for them.

The Internet is a dangerous place but so is the mall, walking down the street, and peer pressure. The only weapon a parent has against the evil in the world is to talk to your children on a daily basis. When I say talk, I don't me talk down to them. Talk to them with respect like they are young adults. There are three kinds of parents that talk to their kids; those that demand and talk down to their kids; those that want to be their best friend and are not acting like a parent; and those that are open, honest and talk with their kids every day.

You can ban myspace but don't be surprised when they still have an account. They will access it when at a friends house, the library, or any other place they can sneak on the Internet. They might even go to the wrong places just to try to get on line. The more you make it off limits the more they want to get on line. All of their friends are on myspace so they just think you don't care about their interests and want it even more.

Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. ~Roger Lewin

Children have more need of models than of critics. ~Carolyn Coats, Things Your Dad Always Told You But You Didn't Want to Hear

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

And my favorite:

Good, honest, hardheaded character is a function of the home. If the proper seed is sown there and properly nourished for a few years, it will not be easy for that plant to be uprooted. ~George A. Dorsey

To me, if you are open, honest and talk with your children they will usually do the right thing when it comes down to it. Letting them access their myspace account at home gives you a lot of advantages. You can check the history and see the pages, you can show up and look over their shoulder at random times giving them that spot check, you can also talk to them about what they do on myspace. This shows you are interested in them. Maybe you can sit down and start by working together to define the usage rules....times, where, etc... and then talk about their experiences every day.​

 

[Droopymole]

Well, as a teen, I must say you are correct.
Rules are rules, and they are meant to be followed. I have never been very rebellious, but I once asked my parents for a myspace page. They said no, and so I didn't. I hope you children can come to understand that there are rules there to keep them safe, not because you're mean. Oh and IMHO, you should ground her sorry behind for a month.

just kidding.

 

[SpottedCrow]

I hear all of you!!!

My son's 14 going on 30 going on 6!
I WILL NOT let him have a Myspace. I have one, but I'm an adult, supposedly, and the people who are on it are chicken people or the folks from work.

When your DD comes home, you can tell her that you found it and be the recipient of another "privacy" rant, at which point it will be her fault for being sneaky in the first place and ground her. Or you can just delete the account and play Willy the Dunce.

I'm going through crap with my son right now about not doing the homework that's assigned and since it's his last year of middle school it's important that he does his work. I can't get that through his thick head. So I emailed his teachers and got responses from 2/3 of them. One just told me his grade (D-) and the other told me what had been going on. I went to his science teacher and my son's been doing all of the homework that he's missed. He won't get credit for it, but it's going to be done. Period! Maybe he'll learn to do the homework that's assigned and do it the first time...but I sorta doubt it...sigh...

As for having brains, heck no! It's all hormonal stuff right now...

I highly recommend cattleprods, choke collars and Lawrence Welk CD's.

 

[Flufnstuffs~FluffySilkies]

I looked at my space - Looked to complicated to me.
And I also want more than they offered as far as picture storage.
SO I did a picturetrail I also let my Girls each do one.
I think the picturetrail home page is about the same as my space BUT there is a place to click on
and it takes you to a photo album page where I store 400 pictures of our birds and pets.
Its sorta like a combo MySpace and Photobucket.

CHECK IT OUT - My girls are in my Friends list as well as a few people from BYC.

http://www.picturetrail.com/homePage/flufnstuffs