My very first post on this board. Just need to purge....

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by littlemissjellyfish, Jul 21, 2010.

  1. littlemissjellyfish

    littlemissjellyfish Chillin' With My Peeps

    111
    0
    99
    Jun 16, 2010
    Maine
    I'm fairly new to chicken owning so I spend a lot of time here at BYC trying to learn as much as I can. I've never posted on this board before, but everyone seems so supportive I thought I might give it a go.

    I've been feeling very lonely lately. This year has been a tough one for me. I ended a 2 year relationship which needed to end, but unfortunately I have to see him every day at work. (NEVER date a co-worker!) He is currently dating another co-worker which is difficult to watch. My ex -husbands girlfriend moved in and plays part time mommy to my 3 kiddos. They do lots of fun stuff and go places I can't even afford to take them! I am jealous of all the trips they take and feel that his GF is taking my place. The friends I do have are all married, so when we go out I feel like the 3rd or 5th wheel. My 17 yo daughter (I had her when I was 17) just graduated H.S. and is just starting out on her own. My mother is a crazy, ( REALLY! She has borderline personality disorder) toxic person and her toxicity has spilled onto my 3 sisters. I do not speak to my mother or my sisters, because I can't mentally handle the way they treat me. My dad is great, but he has his own life with his GF and her kids. So that leaves me with my 3 cats and 12 chickens (and the Phes!) I admit I'm glad I am raising them! Watching chickens is relaxing and having them gives me something to do (so I don't feel like a loser when I'm home alone) Yes, most of my days are spent at home. I don't know how I turned into a homebody, but I am. I don't enjoy going out drinking with my friends ( a beer or a glass of wine on the porch is lovely, but I'm beyond "let's go out and get trashed" stage of life. I putt around the garden, go kayaking, do home improvement/plan projects, do chicken chores, paint. Pretty boring eh? I wish I could find someone who had similar interests. Or someone to spend time with so my life didn't feel so empty! Better yet, someone who loves me for me!
     
  2. damselfish

    damselfish Chillin' With My Peeps

    971
    52
    171
    Mar 8, 2008
    Southwest Missouri
    Not to worry, things will get better. And besides, you have crazy chicken friends here. Go forth and post in the state thread for Maine, I bet you'll find some folks who are near you in real life.

    Sending sympathy and support [​IMG]
     
  3. ScaredOfShadows

    ScaredOfShadows Chillin' With My Peeps

    You sound like me - I'm only 22 but I've had the high road and low roads in life. I lost my brother when I was 15, I was 3 months pregnant when he died - and had my daughter 6 months later after I dropped out of highschool on my birthday and turned 16. I've been in a bad relationship where the guy tried to be mentally abusive/manipulative - psss he learned quick that wasn't a game to play with me [​IMG]. I've been away on my own raising my daughter then lost my job and had to move in with one of my parents this past winter - its hard taking a step back in life.

    @ 22 - you would think I'd be out 'partying' and drinking and doing the like but me? Nah - I drink a few beers at home at best occassionally have a get together or girls night out (maybe once a month or two) with my older sister and cousin and a few girls we both hang out with. Honestly your about my sister's age she just turned 36 and my cousin is right at that age too - my sister is a BIG partyer - lol how that is I'm not sure. [​IMG] I stay at home most of the time - I take online college classes, take care of my daughter, my animals, and do household/yard stuff all the time. I prefer being home over going out.

    As for your ex who is a co-worker don't be jealous or think its hard to see him dating someone else - you are better off without him and feel sorry that he doesn't know yet what a good thing he lost with you [​IMG].

    Honestly if you really want to meet new people - look into any clubs or activities in nearby areas that cater to an interest of yours. You've found BYC which is full of us crazy chicken/duck people and you have internet buddies to be your sounding boards and share your crazy chicken obcession with [​IMG] because we all know people without chickens don't understand their appeal and when you try to talk about your chickens them other folks aren't interested. lol.

    Keep your chin up, and take care! [​IMG]
     
  4. rcentner

    rcentner Chillin' With My Peeps

    1,215
    22
    161
    Sep 6, 2009
    Le Roy, NY
    If I lived by you we could do nothing together, watching the chickens is all I really like to do. Besides, who wants to go out and party just to get a DWI on the way home. This may sound silly, but I posted an add on craigslist about a month ago seeing if there were any chicken crazy people who wanted to form a group or just wanted to chat about chickens, I only got 1 response, but in my area there aren't all that many chicken owners. But that 1 response was a lady that is AWESOME! I met her yesterday for the 1st time when she came over to show me how to tube feed a hen. She is just as crazy as I am and I look forward to hanging out with her some more.

    http://rochester.craigslist.org/grp/1811311080.html

    that's my add!
     
  5. Freebie

    Freebie Chillin' With My Peeps

    Feb 4, 2007
    Bloomingdale, MI
    Quote:love your add... I think the OP should try something like that. If you even gain one friend, it is a start. If you only have a few things in common it will be a blast.
     
  6. BC_Farms

    BC_Farms Chillin' With My Peeps

    264
    0
    119
    Jan 20, 2010
    Enfield & Chaplin CT
    Act busy. Buy a watch if you don't have one.

    Do something with your kids that doesn't require much money. Maybe you all could go hiking, bike riding, or geocaching/letterboxing. If you look on your state's tourism page sometimes you can find cool cheap/free stuff to do too in the area.

    Do something just for you. I started taking ballroom dancing lessons and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

    Buy a hair straightener or paint your nails if you haven't before.
     
  7. geebs

    geebs Lovin' the Lowriders!

    4,800
    14
    231
    Sep 28, 2008
    [​IMG] I am an old dog... but I can tell you this... Life Changes... It changes the ppl that have and the ppl that have not. Love yourself, Love your Lord, whomever that is to you. And take each day for the wonder and mystery it offers. Find happiness in the little things. Money doesn't buy happiness. Your children will love you at the end of the day no matter what you don't have to give them.... (she has to compensate as she isn't you) Believe me... her life is no pic nic either. So just remember every gift she gives is a way to try to "be" you. That is the truth... Jealousy has no place in raising children.... Just do your best and let God take care of the rest. Love them, listen to them and just "be". Enjoy the earth under your nails and the sound of the rain. Grandchildren will someday run at your feet and there are many days between then and now... Find the good in each one... Enjoy the little things because that is the scenery that makes up our travels. I am honored to meet you here on this forum. You sound like my kind of folk. There is no lonliness here in the Crazy Chicken House. You are never alone here. Pm me anytime and share. I love the little things and I am waay past the desire to sow wildly. You will find a kindred spirit... But till then... Just be happy... It is a state of being not a goal. (vitamins can help if you are struggling from within)... Your new chicken friend Geebs [​IMG]

    P.S.

    [​IMG]
     
  8. Ema

    Ema Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jun 4, 2010
    N. Ontario CANADA
    YOU are definitely not boring!!! just because you don't want to go get trashed every weekend with your girl freinds it doesn't make you dull, it makes you smart about your life. you are in a rut, and you need to get out of it and fast. Moping around leads to depression and before you know it, you are goign to become that crazy cat and chicken lady down the street all the neighbours speculate about. Don't give the people that did you wrong the satsfaction of knowing that they got to you. you like kayaking, which tells me without knowing you that you like the outdoors, well lady time for you to get your little tush out there and get yourself a nice man that likes adventure and is still a homebody like you. Over the years after having children, interests change, I had a baby too when I was 17 and I too am at that stage were drinking with my buddies is just not that interesting.

    you got married friends right, time for an intervention :-D the "IN" thing to do now a days instead of clubbing it or hitting the online dating scene is to get your friends involved. Throw a BBQ and ask friends to bring their single friends, so if you have say 3 married couple freinds, ask them to bring at at least 2 single guys and 1 single girl, go through your list of freinds and invite all the singles you can find and don't be afraid to post it on your facebook aswell. tell them its a BBQ mingler, each couple can bring a favorite dish and that takes some of the food prep worries away from you. Trust me this works. before you know it you will be having several minglers and you will meet someone who will bring the bounce back into your life. you'd be amazed how many good hardworking men admire an outdoorsy girl who likes animals and isn't afraid of a little hard work and some mud!! If you like sports join a local mixed slow pitch league.

    Don't allow yourself to be turned to the side, kids don't give a hoot how much money you spend to take them wherever, they just want to have fun with you. take them to the beach and have a picnic after swimming your heart out, over night camping in your yard or a camping ground somewhere, try fishing, its so much fun and trust me your kids will like it. Ask them to go to the park with you and play some frisbee or ball or what ever, and then have some ice cream on the way home. see if you can find some local farms where you can do pick your own, and take the kids with ya, It doesn't matter what age they are, these are things they will enjoy doing.

    your 17 yr old, well she is a girl, want some more bonding time, (even if you already know all of this, it will be something that will bring you closer) ask her to teach you some new make up tricks, she will love that, and you as the guinea pig, super cool for sure, no one knows thrifty clothing budgeting than a teenage girl on an allowance, ask her and a freind to take you shopping for a new pair of jeans at a thrift store and then be open to their ideas :-D even if you end up buying nothing at all at least you had fun trying out the clothing. Teenage girls are all in for the facials and manicures, I bet your daughter would give you the best home manicure ever, go buy the stuff at walmart, a few packets of facials and some mani things and try out that colour your are afraid too. or ask her to try a new colour in your hair, with highlights. Its amazing how even non girlie teenagers love doing this stuff!!!!

    before you know it you will be rocking new jeans a cool mani, super awesome hair and you will feel like a million bucks and even better knowing you spent little cash but gained a ton with all the time you spent with your kids. By the way, 2 of my best freinds met their partners in a mingler and have been together for 8 and 9 years, both married and successful. I met mine during a freinds mingler 8 years 3 kids and still super in love.

    Super HUGS to you, now get out there and give the world something to think about!!!!!
     
  9. Lunachick

    Lunachick Chicken Slave

    Mar 19, 2007
    Brick, NJ
    I don't have much to offer in words, other posters say it better than me. You won't be lonely here! Stick around and post more often. I don't go out either, I enjoy my home and animals and just putzing around the yard and doing crafty things. The simple things in life give me joy. You are probably a lot more like most of us than you think!

    Is there a lonely hearts club thread here? Maybe you should start one! I just wanted to give you a [​IMG]
     
  10. littlemissjellyfish

    littlemissjellyfish Chillin' With My Peeps

    111
    0
    99
    Jun 16, 2010
    Maine
    Thank you EVERYONE for all your words of wisdom! I think my biggest issue is that I need new friends. The people I currently hang out with just don't share the same joys in life. Maybe I've changed... yet again!

    My kids and I DO have great times together! All are inexpensive, of course. My 11 yo son and I love to read together, him on one end of the couch me on the other. We paint, go swimming, play games. My 8 yo and I collect heart shaped rocks at the beach. My daughter has been working day and night since she graduated. She is saving so she can travel Europe for 3 months. I don't get to see her very often because of our work schedules.

    I truly believe that it's the little things in life that matter most. Simple gestures, kind words.... why aren't more people like this? Where can I find the people that ARE?


    @rcentner: I'm glad you found a crazy chicken lady friend!( I haven't had much luck meeting people on CL) I wish you lived closer too! I'd love to just sit and just be one with the chickens!

    @geebs: Your post made me smile and cry (yeah i'm a sap!) thank you for the offer of chicken friendship! i will gladly take you up on it!

    @ema: Thanks for the kick in the butt! I definitely don't want to turn into the crazy chicken/cat lady down the street! *chuckle* I will attempt to have a BBQ mixer like you suggested. I've planned parties before, but nobody ended up coming. *pout*

    @damselfish: I posted on the Maine board! I hope to meet people in my area! Thanks!

    @Lunachick: Lonely Hearts club thread...hmmm... would it work?
     

BackYard Chickens is proudly sponsored by