Wow, what a tale. You're right, folks here will understand, I certainly do. What a story, what a trial. Best of luck with everything, forgiveness and hatching.
Need a Christmas miracle....
- Thread starter MommaLyd
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Unfortunately, he (my nephew) and his adorible daughter have lived with me for over 1 year and a half and it was a nightly routine to bring the chickens in - which he was apart of just about every night. When I would open their pen, my chickens would walk right into the house through the back sliding doors. They always knew what time it was and would start squalking and crowing when they were ready to come in. After a little stay in the house, and maybe being spoiled with some dinner scraps, we would all "grab a chicken" and take them to their cages in the garage for the night. He should have known. At one point during the evening, he would have even had to go through the garage to close the big garage door...I can't even begin to imagine how he never noticed the cages open and their covers up. I can't imagine how he never heard the noise that must have been going on outside. I can't imagine how he never even thought to check on anything and "lock up" for the night. If he knew what had happened, he never let on to us and seemed totally in shock when it was discovered. I know he feels bad. It really hurt him to see me so hurt...but I just don't think he understands why I'm so hurt or how much. I made him clean out the cages and pick up the pile of feathers in the aloes, hoping that would do something. He needs to have some remorse for what he did to another living creature, not just that he hurt me. He is an animal lover but not a very responsible one. He owns a snake simply because he can forget about it for a month at a time before he has to take care of it again. Don't get me wrong...he's a decent guy (27 years old) but he just doesn't think sometimes. He isn't on any drugs and does not drink....the only excuse he could have is shear laziness and lack of care for anything other than himself. A perfect example would be when I brought the incubator in and was looking for a good safe spot to put it....his suggestion was putting it on the table in his room. Now, if he just killed my chickens....like I would actually trust putting those very precious eggs anywhere within his reach???? Maybe, just maybe...when he finds himself in a similar situation somewhere else in life...maybe even caring for a child, this memory may make him be a little more careful and more attentive...then it would not be for naught. I just hate that it had to be my chickens that were used to teach him this lesson...which, he hopefully learns.
ahhh, yeah. its bad when stuff like that happens. have been through it a few times myself, all you can do is let it go. pick up and move on.. may have been your chickens, favorite chickens etc.. But crying about it or feeling sorry about it isn't going to help anything but keep it on your mind. and eventually cause family problems if it lasts too long.. First when you mentioned "he" i assumed your husband had made a "boo-boo"
Unfortunately, he (my nephew) and his adorible daughter have lived with me for over 1 year and a half and it was a nightly routine to bring the chickens in - which he was apart of just about every night. When I would open their pen, my chickens would walk right into the house through the back sliding doors. They always knew what time it was and would start squalking and crowing when they were ready to come in. After a little stay in the house, and maybe being spoiled with some dinner scraps, we would all "grab a chicken" and take them to their cages in the garage for the night. He should have known. At one point during the evening, he would have even had to go through the garage to close the big garage door...I can't even begin to imagine how he never noticed the cages open and their covers up. I can't imagine how he never heard the noise that must have been going on outside. I can't imagine how he never even thought to check on anything and "lock up" for the night. If he knew what had happened, he never let on to us and seemed totally in shock when it was discovered. I know he feels bad. It really hurt him to see me so hurt...but I just don't think he understands why I'm so hurt or how much. I made him clean out the cages and pick up the pile of feathers in the aloes, hoping that would do something. He needs to have some remorse for what he did to another living creature, not just that he hurt me. He is an animal lover but not a very responsible one. He owns a snake simply because he can forget about it for a month at a time before he has to take care of it again. Don't get me wrong...he's a decent guy (27 years old) but he just doesn't think sometimes. He isn't on any drugs and does not drink....the only excuse he could have is shear laziness and lack of care for anything other than himself. A perfect example would be when I brought the incubator in and was looking for a good safe spot to put it....his suggestion was putting it on the table in his room. Now, if he just killed my chickens....like I would actually trust putting those very precious eggs anywhere within his reach???? Maybe, just maybe...when he finds himself in a similar situation somewhere else in life...maybe even caring for a child, this memory may make him be a little more careful and more attentive...then it would not be for naught. I just hate that it had to be my chickens that were used to teach him this lesson...which, he hopefully learns.
ahhh, yeah. its bad when stuff like that happens. have been through it a few times myself, all you can do is let it go. pick up and move on.. may have been your chickens, favorite chickens etc.. But crying about it or feeling sorry about it isn't going to help anything but keep it on your mind. and eventually cause family problems if it lasts too long.. First when you mentioned "he" i assumed your husband had made a "boo-boo"
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LOL...don't know if it had of been my husband if he still would be my husband!
I understand exactly what you are saying. My advice to others would be the same....I need to follow my own advice (and yours!)....and I will...eventually. I'm a firm believer in positive energy and not keeping negatives around in my life. Along with time will come healing, forgiveness, and re-focusing on life and it's daily joys. My fear is keeping the resentment bottled up inside and it growing. I can't allow that...not only for my nephew but also for myself.
BTW - thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers. They mean so much coming from those who know exactly how I feel.
LOL...don't know if it had of been my husband if he still would be my husband!
I understand exactly what you are saying. My advice to others would be the same....I need to follow my own advice (and yours!)....and I will...eventually. I'm a firm believer in positive energy and not keeping negatives around in my life. Along with time will come healing, forgiveness, and re-focusing on life and it's daily joys. My fear is keeping the resentment bottled up inside and it growing. I can't allow that...not only for my nephew but also for myself.
BTW - thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers. They mean so much coming from those who know exactly how I feel.
Quote:
LOL...don't know if it had of been my husband if he still would be my husband!
I understand exactly what you are saying. My advice to others would be the same....I need to follow my own advice (and yours!)....and I will...eventually. I'm a firm believer in positive energy and not keeping negatives around in my life. Along with time will come healing, forgiveness, and re-focusing on life and it's daily joys. My fear is keeping the resentment bottled up inside and it growing. I can't allow that...not only for my nephew but also for myself.
BTW - thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers. They mean so much coming from those who know exactly how I feel.
OH by the way, hope you have a good hatch
LOL...don't know if it had of been my husband if he still would be my husband!
I understand exactly what you are saying. My advice to others would be the same....I need to follow my own advice (and yours!)....and I will...eventually. I'm a firm believer in positive energy and not keeping negatives around in my life. Along with time will come healing, forgiveness, and re-focusing on life and it's daily joys. My fear is keeping the resentment bottled up inside and it growing. I can't allow that...not only for my nephew but also for myself.
BTW - thanks to everyone for your love, support and prayers. They mean so much coming from those who know exactly how I feel.
OH by the way, hope you have a good hatch
I am so sorry for your loss similar things have happened to me with my 40 year old son who is now living with us. Its hard but you have to forgive. I hope your hatch is terrific. Let us all know there ots of us here is Florida who have Banties that could maybe help you. Micki
Just wanted to tell you how sad I am for you, and I hope that you get some babies hatching!
It is so hard to go off and leave your babies like that, then to come back and find that...just horrendous.
When those eggs hatch, it will help you in your healing process. Just focus all of your energy on those viable eggs.
Be sure and post an update for us!
((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))
Shelly
When those eggs hatch, it will help you in your healing process. Just focus all of your energy on those viable eggs.
((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))
Shelly
Gee, that's a horrible thing to find at any time. On top of the grieving you are already dealing with, your emotions are really being put to the test.
Some people just aren't as responsible as other people, no matter what age they are. I suspect you do a lot of things for him and his daughter, that he would have to do himself, if he wasn't living with you. Actually, that might have been part of his problem. Was he having to do other day to day things for himself and for her, that you usually do? If so, then the chickens may have just gotten lost in the shuffle or not been as high a priority, as the other things he was trying to do and keep straight.
Honestly, I think a lot of chickens have been lost to people that have never had a predator problem and leave the coop open for some reason, for "just one night." They aren't thinking, "I'll leave it open, I don't care if they get killed." They really don't think it'll be a problem. As for the noise, I think a lot of people have slept through attacks.
Whatever the reasons for what happened, I think you are very wise to understand that you need to find a way to work through this and get past it, without doing damage to yourself or your family. When you live in another person's home, there isn't much that is your personal space. Although you may not have felt like entrusting him with your incubator, I think it was a wonderful thing that he was offering some of his personal space for it. I can't fault him for feeling worse about how this effected you, than about how it effected the chickens. He loves you more than he loved the chickens. Look what you've done for him, opening your home to him and his child. If you could turn back time, I'd like to think he would have done a better job. I really don't think he was anticipating this course of events.
In the future, a list of things to be done and an evening call to check on things sounds like a good plan, just to make sure things are alright. I think you came up with a good idea there. What happened to your chickens was terrible, but it happened. All you can do is work through your own emotions, wait for time to heal them a bit and plan for a better future. I hope you have a really great hatch!
Some people just aren't as responsible as other people, no matter what age they are. I suspect you do a lot of things for him and his daughter, that he would have to do himself, if he wasn't living with you. Actually, that might have been part of his problem. Was he having to do other day to day things for himself and for her, that you usually do? If so, then the chickens may have just gotten lost in the shuffle or not been as high a priority, as the other things he was trying to do and keep straight.
Honestly, I think a lot of chickens have been lost to people that have never had a predator problem and leave the coop open for some reason, for "just one night." They aren't thinking, "I'll leave it open, I don't care if they get killed." They really don't think it'll be a problem. As for the noise, I think a lot of people have slept through attacks.
Whatever the reasons for what happened, I think you are very wise to understand that you need to find a way to work through this and get past it, without doing damage to yourself or your family. When you live in another person's home, there isn't much that is your personal space. Although you may not have felt like entrusting him with your incubator, I think it was a wonderful thing that he was offering some of his personal space for it. I can't fault him for feeling worse about how this effected you, than about how it effected the chickens. He loves you more than he loved the chickens. Look what you've done for him, opening your home to him and his child. If you could turn back time, I'd like to think he would have done a better job. I really don't think he was anticipating this course of events.
In the future, a list of things to be done and an evening call to check on things sounds like a good plan, just to make sure things are alright. I think you came up with a good idea there. What happened to your chickens was terrible, but it happened. All you can do is work through your own emotions, wait for time to heal them a bit and plan for a better future. I hope you have a really great hatch!
I am the youngest of 13 kids and I have a brother (well I have 7 but am talking about only 1 of them LOL) who always did and said stuff not thinking of my feelings or how what he said could hurt me. One day he went too far, this is after over 20 years of thoughtlessness (hope that is a word LOL) I had enough.
I sat down and wrote him a nice letter. I told him everything he had ever done that had hurt my feelings. I put it down in black and white, all of it I left nothing out. I then told him that I loved him and always would but if he could not respect me and think before he spoke to me than I would prefer that he didn't acknowledge me at all. With that letter I let all hurt go. I put it in the mail and let the past be the past.
He never acknowledged the letter to me, he told others in the family about it. But my brother changed after that letter, not just to me but to everyone. He became more compasionate and understanding. He thought before he spoke and he hugged me every chance he got. It could of went the other way and I would of been fine with that. I had to let him know what his actions did to me so I could let it go and go on.
I would set down with your nephew and tell him in a nice way what you are feeling. I to think that taking care of his daughter with out your help might of been very over whelming for him. I would let him know you understand that he would not do anything like that on purpose, even so you are very hurt and that you are afraid that if you don't let him know you are hurt that it will fester and come between you too. Give him a chance to talk as well, I am sure that he is just as upset and lost as you are.
Happy hatching and again sorry that you are going thru this.
I sat down and wrote him a nice letter. I told him everything he had ever done that had hurt my feelings. I put it down in black and white, all of it I left nothing out. I then told him that I loved him and always would but if he could not respect me and think before he spoke to me than I would prefer that he didn't acknowledge me at all. With that letter I let all hurt go. I put it in the mail and let the past be the past.
He never acknowledged the letter to me, he told others in the family about it. But my brother changed after that letter, not just to me but to everyone. He became more compasionate and understanding. He thought before he spoke and he hugged me every chance he got. It could of went the other way and I would of been fine with that. I had to let him know what his actions did to me so I could let it go and go on.
I would set down with your nephew and tell him in a nice way what you are feeling. I to think that taking care of his daughter with out your help might of been very over whelming for him. I would let him know you understand that he would not do anything like that on purpose, even so you are very hurt and that you are afraid that if you don't let him know you are hurt that it will fester and come between you too. Give him a chance to talk as well, I am sure that he is just as upset and lost as you are.
Happy hatching and again sorry that you are going thru this.
Quote:
Yes, they do!! Just look at Rebecca's triplets!!!
HUGS for your loss....and looking forward to a successful miracle hatching in +/- 5 days!!!
Yes, they do!! Just look at Rebecca's triplets!!!
HUGS for your loss....and looking forward to a successful miracle hatching in +/- 5 days!!!
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