need advice on a relationship problem,,, update 3-27-11

[Chicken.Lytle]

Quote:
Indeed! Quit paying her mortgage. You cannot buy love. She is using you.

Live your own life instead of trying to latch on to somebody else's life. Your energy and intent will draw the right people to you.

 

[halo]

All I can advise is to leave. If she keeps kicking you out, she's not committed to your and your relationship. In a relationship, when things get tough, you dont kick each other out, you work it out, even if it means moaning and groaning, and yelling, and not talking...but you are still together, working on it. Dont let her kick you out again, leave on your own accord, do it with your head up high. Tell her you are sorry things didnt work out, that you wish her well, leave, and dont return. There is MUCH better for you out there.

 

[Mahonri]

I didn't read any of the other responses. WALK AWAY NOW... and don't look back.
Obviously you love her, but I've always believed in this adage.


Un reciprocated love eventually leads to separation.

Say it over and over again, because it is true.

It goes along well with the Bible verse, "If ye love me, Keep my commandments"

If we don't keep His commandments we will be separated from Him for eternity.

 

[debilorrah]

Blue, you have a lot of solid feedback from others. You know what needs to be done. Stop allowing this black widow to continue to drag you back into her web. Yes, she is gonna beg like crazy once she realizes you are gone, and it won't be because she loves you, misses you, or sees her mistakes. It will be because the money train left the building.

 

[blueseal]

Quote:
some day i hope to find a nice girl .

 

[chubbydog811]

I know it's been said already, but definitely move on!! It is not worth your trouble to stay with her.

I had the same problem with my exBF. Controlling, made me feel insignificant, degraded my pride, ALWAYS had the be right, ect. After 4 years, I finally broke it off. Of course, as soon as that happened, he came back with "where did this come from? I wasn't expecting this!" and tried a guilt trip on me. Didn't work. Once my mind is made up, there is no changing it.
It took much encouragement from my close friend to get me to go through with it, but I was so happy I did! It was ridiculously hard at first - that feeling of wow, I don't like being alone. But after a few months, I started enjoying the independence - being allowed to flirt if the need comes up, getting to go out with friends (without the BF), being allowed to have my own schedule and not worrying about what he thinks...

Of course, I have to live with my parents, BUT this is also where my farm is, so I can't move too far away when I can afford to move...He also tried pushing me away from my family and my hobbies. Didn't want me to have my horse business, got upset if I bought another horse, chicken or goat because it would screw up us living in an apartment in the city at some point(note: I HATE city life. I don't even like driving there, let alone living there) and he tried telling me I had to move there if I wanted to be with him (thank god I didn't!)
Being free of the burden is amazing!

Anyway, I'm sure you will make the decision that works for you.
Though possibly losing your chickens may be hard if you find an apartment the doesn't allow them, just remember that you can always get a new flock when you are established (sounds a little harsh, but true).

There are plenty of other fish in the sea

Good luck, Sir!

 

[blueseal]

Quote:
thankyou for the kind words. i have a brother that lives in newhampshire. hillsborough. i like the country life as well couldnt live in the city for a day LOL.

 

[darkmatter]

I'll confirm what others have said: Leave, never look back, start over. I've been married over 30 years-----there are life companions out there.

 

[redhen]

I'm going to give another opinion here..

About the "other girl" you were with....
You said..you never "did anything" with her until you moved out .... You just talked to her.
Umm... could THAT be why shes kinda bitter aganist you?
I know how i am.... and yes..to ME..it IS cheating! TOTALLY cheating and being sneaky...
Sorry. But you know it was.

Just like if she was "talking" to guys behind your back.
Thats something that i could never ever forgive... my trust in you would be broken forever...
Soo.. with that said...YES.. it sounds like its time to move on. No sense of you BOTH being unhappy..
She sounds bitter because of the past..and you sound hurt by her coldness to you...
Sounds like a no-win situation to me..
I'd move on... you sound like a nice guy..You'll find another girl. And let her find someone new that she can trust again..
Good luck !

 

[kla37]

After so many years of problems off and on, nothing will get better unless you are both willing to go to counseling. I think you should stop paying her bills though. Sounds like your mind is made up and you just want other people to say it's OK. It's OK! You are NOT married. It's much better being alone, than lonely WITH someone. Good luck! And, being in a relationship is NOT a necessity...